The life of a natural born Procastinator...

Realising you are not a kid anymore and taking responsibility for your life is not an easy feat.

Some people are better preapared for adult life than others. Be it because they are more emotionally mature, more self aware, more self confident or their life experiences have made them into adults. Not all of us get the chance in life to become adults. Some become adults at a very early age because of the things life has thrown their way, some never get the chance to grow, mature and develope as a person and some of us although old in age are emotionally stuck as children lacking experiences and development. It’s quite a bizarre experience to realise you are still a kid at twenty something (when you are suppossed to be and adult and you thought you were one) and how much growth that you were suppossed to do, you didn’t do.

Accio : If you could summon anything in the world right now what would it be?

A glass of water.

Aguamenti: Do you like water?

Yep!

Alohomora: Can you and have you, ever picked a lock?

Nope.

Anapneo: Are you CPR certified?

No.

Aparecium: On of a scale of Mr. Bean to 007 how much of a spy are you?

Mr. Bean

Avada Kedavra: If you could kill one single person, who would it be?

No one, I don’t have it me... at least not yet.

Avis: What’s your favorite kind of bird?

Don’t have one.

Brachiabindo: Have you ever been tied up before? What was the circumstance?

Never.

Capacious Extremis: If you could make one object bigger on the inside, what would the object be?

My house.

Cave Inimicum: You’ve got to fortify your room from zombies with only objects you have readily available. What do you use?

My desk and my bed.

Colloportus: Have you ever locked yourself out of your own house before? If so, what did you do?

Never, but an ex-bf did once and we had to travel for two hours to another city for some spare keys and another two hours back.

Confringo: Have you ever accidentally set fire to something?

Not that I remember.

Confundo : What confuses you most about the world?

Cruelty and dishonesty

Crucio: What’s the worst pain you’ve ever been in?

I think smashing my head with the ground TWICE but I don’t remember the pain so I would have to go with appendicitis.

Deletrius: What’s the last thing that you did besides this?

Watch some Youtube videos.

Densaugeo: What’s the most extensive thing you’ve been to the dentist for?

Braces.

Deprimo: Have you ever been knocked over by the wind before?

No.

Descendo: What’s been a low point in your life?

High school.

Diffindo: When was the last time you ripped and article of clothing?

Last year.

Engorgio: What’s the worst case of swelling you’ve ever experience?

Can´t remember.

Episkey: If you could heal anyone in the world right now, who would it be?

My brother.

Expecto Patronum: What’s your happiest memory?

I don’t know.

Expelliarmus: Have you ever had to disarm someone? If so, why?

Nope.

Expulso: Have you ever made something explode? Explain how and why?

No.

Ferula: Have you ever had to wear a brace? What happened?

Just for my teeth.

Flagrate: If you could write one thing in the sky, what would it be?

BE HAPPY!

Flipendo: Have you ever fallen down stairs before?

Yes, it hurt.

Fulgari: If you could be bond to one person, who would it be?

My mom.

Furnunculus: How bad was your acne as a teenage?

Pretty ok.

Geminio: If you could have a single copy of something, anything, what would it be?

Glisseo: Water slide or playground slide?

Water slide.

Impedimenta: You can stop one person from coming near you, ever, like a permanent, unbreakable restraining order, who is it?

No one comes to mind.

Imperio: You can have one person be your slave for a day without repercussion, who?

My brother.

Impervius : In the middle of a storm would you rather have waterproof shoes, or a waterproof coat?

Both xD

Incarcerous: Have you ever tied someone up?

Nope

Incendio: Do you like candles? If so, what’s your favorite smell?

Vanilla

Langlock: You can stop one person in the world from speaking. Who is it?

Legilimens: If you had the power to read minds for a day, would you use it?

Totally.

Locomotor: You can chose one object to follow you around, what is it?

Water bottle.

Lumos: Candle, Flashlight, Sunlight, Moonlight, or Bioluminescence?

Sunlight.

Meteolojinx Recanto: What’s your favorite type of weather?

Sunny and warm.

Mobiliarbus: What’s your dream garden?

Big with lots of flowers and trees.

Molliare: Have you ever made a surprisingly soft landing when you were sure you’d break something? What happened?

Nope.

Morsmordre: What would your signal in the sky be to mark your presence?

Fat person.

Muffliato: Have you ever eavesdropped on a conversation? What was it about?

Many times. The last time was just last week on the bus, a couple was fighting.

Nox: Were you/are you, afraid of the dark?

Yes still afraid of it.

Obliviate: What’s something you wish you could forget?

Nothing.

Obscuro: What’s a kink that you have? What about it excites you?

Being blindfolded you can feel everything!

Oppugno: You’re about to be in a fight! The object directly to your left is what you have as a weapon! What is it and how would you use it?

A teacup smash it open and use it as a “knife”

Orchideous: What’s your favorite flower?

sunflowers

Pack: When’s the last time you did some packing?

a month ago

Petrificus Totalus: Have you ever been/felt paralyzed?

yes

Piertotum Locomotor: You can make one  object in your current room come to life, what is it?

...

Point Me: How easily do you get lost?

Not easily.

Portus: What object would you turn into a portkey and where would it take you?

A notepad and it would take me home.

Protego: You can protect one person from harm. Who?

My parents.

Quietus: When was the last time you yelled at someone?

Can’t remember.

Reducio: What’s something you’d like to make bigger?

My room.

Reducto: You’ve got one chance to explode something without an consequences. What is it?

...

Rennervate: Have you ever passed out/fainted before? What happened?

Yes, too many times to keep count.

Reparo: What’s one thing you’d like to fix?

The world.

Rictusempra: Where’s the most effective place to tickle you?

My feet.

Riddikulus: What’s your greatest fear? Do you think you’ll be able to overcome it?

Death and no, never.

Scourgify: What’s something that you should clean up?

My room.

Sectumsempra: Have you ever hurt someone? What happened?

Yes I have. I broke his heart.

Serpensortia: Do you like snakes?

No

Silencio: How much “quiet time” on average, do you need in a day?

3 hours.

Sonorus: If you had a message you could say to the whole world. What would it be?

Be kind!

Specialis Revelio: If you could have a magical property, what would it be?

Eat everything I want and still be healthy and goodlooking xD

Stupefy: Do you think you’d be able to knock someone out?

No

Tarantallegra: What’s your favorite kind of dance?

Happy dance

Wingardium Leviosa: If you had the power of telekinesis, what would you do with it?

Clean my room really fast.

Source:

And for a moment she thought it could happen.

An us.

So much for telling my experiences as an exchange student... haven’t posted here since months.

Going through life with no self-confidence has to be one of the worse things to do, sadly I think I’m not the only that does this. Or that feels as a failure.

Academic wise, this has to be the worse semester in my whole life. So far I have just taken one exam, and on wednesday I have the last one for which I had one month to study for and did not study for :D

In the 7 months I’ve been here, no accomplishments. Unless you consider loneliness, weight gain, not getting better at the language, not studying at all and little to no rising... accomplishments.

So with this very unhealthy mindset I made the great decision to call my mom and tell her how frustrated I was feeling, and I say great because it actually helped me.

I told my mom how I was feeling very lost in my life and how I had no idea where it was going. How I felt no passion for what I was studying and even if it wasn’t for that I felt I had no passion for anything (read here: i don’t do anything during the day) how I was letting this experience go and that I felt I was not deserving of this opportunity seeing how great I was fucking it up. How I felt lonely and unmotivated in a general sense of and then the realization this hat not started here, but rather I was carrying this fellings since the last year in my hometown, from there to here.

She told me I shouldn’t push myself so hard, that I had to understand what loneliness made to a person. That the most important part of this experience was not the academic part but the personal growth. That to her and my dad, it was not important if I got behind a year, what is important is to grow as a person. To learn to live, to get confidence, to have no regrets, to not lose things in life because you push yourself so hard, to have hope. She told me how she regrets not havind spent more time with us because of work and not having much of a social life... She said she was learning now at 57 to enjoy new things in life to let loose a little. She had felt so much stress for things that in the long run were not worth it. She wants me to learn from her.

I told her that even thought I have achieved things and have shown that I am a smart  and capable person. I can’t believe in myself and in my abilities... She said: your Dad is like that too and that is by far his worse quality. How many chances he has let go because of that.

So after making the wonderful decision to once and for all, attend classes and actually try to dedicate to something  without thinking i’m going to fail.

Like loose weight, figure out if I actually like what I study and i don’t know... maybe not be a complete disaster living alone. Or you know... learn the language here...

I just have spent two days of my life in my room not taking a shower eating every shit that will make me fat and unhealthy not going to classes and seeing K-dramas(not learning the language)

So... as my description says... i have so many OTPs that it has taken me a month to write this :O

I only hope to share my life experiencies as something therapeutic, that entails people that read what i write...

Curently I’ve been an exchange student for 4 months and let me tell it’s not easy, it’s worse when i can finally admit that what I study does not make me happy or more like it is not my calling is this life.

Leaving alone? So terrible hard. I’m a disappointment to myself everyday in that department.

Don’t even go to classes anymore but in my defense they are in another language which means i wouldn’t understand a thing even if I went.