Let's Go Pens!

Jake Guentzel is one of only 6 rookies to score 10+ goals in the postseason 

Jake Guentzel is currently leading the league in postseason goals

Jake Guentzel alone has scored over three times as many goals in the playoffs than the entire Chicago Blackhawks roster 

Jake Guentzel is very good at hockey

“Did you ever envision yourself scoring the winning goal in Game 1 of a Stanley Cup Final?”

“Only in a dream. To have it happen, you just… it’s crazy, it’s been a fun year for sure.”

NHL Tonight: Guentzel on Game 1

“He’s probably one of the smartest hockey players I’ve ever played with,” says Penguins forward Josh Archibald, a former Nebraska-Omaha teammate. “He’s got eyes in the back of his head.”

“At first he’s standoffish and pretty shy,” forward Carter Rowney says. “But once you get to know him he’s a happy kid, loves to talk, loves to joke around.” In particular, teammates rib him about the distinct lack of playoff beard. “He tries,” Rowney says. “You can’t really see it unless you’re a foot away from him.”

evgeni malkin: posts pictures of himself on social media, knowing that i will see them and cry. grows patchy playoff beards that i am somehow attracted to. fights all the time. snipes filthy goals. takes,,, so many penalties. clearly wants me dead.

sidney crosby: every time he giggle-honks it is a personal attack on my well-being and i am 98% sure he knows it. also continues to wear The Hat despite knowing that i love his post-game curls.

kris letang: has a v cute son and a v pretty wife and doesn’t ever bring them over to my house ???? v v rude, tanger. obviously hates me a great deal.

patrik hornqvist: gives me heart palpations whenever he’s shirtless. which is always.

brian dumoulin: deliberately made me fall in love with him before revealing himself as a frat boy who doesn’t know what indy music is in some bizarre plot to end me. 

phil kessel: hasn’t given me his sister’s phone number, so clearly doesn’t want me to be happy.

carl hagelin: has prettier hair than me. knows he has prettier hair than me. chooses to flaunt the fact that he has prettier hair than me. clearly a lot of hatred there.

trevor daley: has yet to teach me his skin care routine or secrets for looking Like That.

chris kunitz: is 37 years old and still looks so Good that it can only be an attempt to end my life.

olli maatta: a literal ray of sunshine who wants to burn me alive from the inside out with the power of his smile.

justin schultz: has a sinister plot to make me attracted to men with missing teeth and beards.

matt cullen: is Team Dad but refuses to adopt me.

nick bonino: posts pictures of maisie and jake together with the understanding that i will see these pictures and pass out. obviously wishes me harm.

conor sheary: knows that i die a little every time he gets injured. still has the audacity to allow himself to be injured.

jake guentzel: hasn’t proposed to me yet???????? obviously hates me at least a little.

bryan rust: hasn’t responded to any of my long, extensive, hand-written love letters. clearly dislikes me.

matt murray: has a Large Dog named beckham that he will post about but will not bring to my home so i can pet???? wtf matt.