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There is a popular BDSM meme that has been floating around for years, “A sub needs to feel wanted. A Dom wants to feel needed.” This pretty much, generally, sums up the D/s dynamic including DD/lg. This is not to be confused with co-dependence whatsoever.

The tug of war bewteeen wanting and needing drives both partners in the delicate and hungered dance of their relationship.

As a Dom, I thrive on the steady stream of communication from my sub; pics, texts, voice mails, Kiks, Skypes and Tumblr messages. It lets me know I am still part of the relationship, I am still important in her life, she still looks to me for Dominance and she still needs me.

In turn, my caring, affection, attention and being her biggest cheerleader makes her feel wanted, cherished and loved.

These mutual acts of wanting and needing creates the emotional bond we all live for. When they are absent, it all spells trouble.

This is what makes online relationships and long distance relationships (LDR) so very, very difficult. It all depends on communication technology. Can you imagine trying to edge a sub via postal mail? God help you when Sunday rolls around and there isn’t any postal delivery.

When your partner goes silent, stops sending you cute pics or even texts, the effect can be devastating. It breeds a fierce and ugly emotion we know as DOUBT.

Make no mistake, DOUBT is a motherfucker.

For me personally, I have abandonment issues from childhood (thanks Grandfather) and when she stops communicating, DOUBT rides me like a mechanical bull - it is relentless, never-ending and often destructive. But for anyone, DOUBT is always waiting in the darkness, lurking there and growing with every tick of the clock since the last message was received.

The foundation of any flavor of BDSM relationship is communication, it is a must have, it is the top of the list for a rewarding relationship. Because of the ying-yang of the wanting and needing of BDSM, a relationship cannot survive long on when communication ceases. The sub’s needs go unfulfilled and the Dom’s wants are squelched.

So subs, text your Dom and Doms, you do the same.

That is why needy girls should always be prized in the BDSM community, they want you to know they love you.

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