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@lonley-vents
i think no matter what i do, where i go or who i meet, i'll always feel at least a bit unloveable. like, what do you mean you love me? no, you just don't know me. you haven't seen me yet. if you really understood me you wouldn't love me.
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sometimes, the ache is the only thing keeping me going. the creak of my bones as i stand is just painful enough to ground me, the cry of my gut as i begin to walk is just enough to fuel me, and my whole body wailing as i push myself to the very limit, that edge of the cliff where the rock crumbles and you almost tip over, that, is what's keeping me alive.
i am an artist and this is my undoing
i am a rotting mind in a rotting body. i am a rotting mind in a rotting body. my mind is in shambles and its decaying and my body is a wreck still trying to pick itself up even after all this time and my mind destroys my body and my body destroys my mind
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vent art ehehe
idk what it is, if it's suppressing or repressing emotions, but like when i feel something, usually in respect to negative emotions but sometimes positive too (love especially) i feel like i can't let myself feel it. like logically, i know that it's not good and that it'll hurt me more and i should let it out, but that part of me that still can't get over when i hurt, that emotional part, says no, this can't be trusted, we can't feel it we'll get rejected for it or people will get upset or people will leave.
so i, ah, repress all that. the anger i have to those that wronged me. i either get pushed to the absolute limit, far past what anyone else would take, and snap, or i force myself to be patient and understanding and say what they want to hear. i want to be honest about how i feel. but people won't want to hear all that, now will they.
you're either ok or you have i can't handle change in your 'me' playlist
the masculine urge to not die clean and pretty. the masculine urge to throw yourself into traffic and end up with your head bashed in on the tracks and your guts spilled all over the street. the masculine urge to be the greatest tragedy this world has ever seen. the masculine urge to be so inconvenient, and to be so broken that everyone's just gives up putting you back together and stuffs you in some jar to rot. the masculine urge to absolutely positively shatter.
sometimes im like 'i kinda wanna die' and then im like wtf am i doing... i literally have a fluffy blanket.
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too tired to sleep, too alive to stay awake. my head hurts.
'are you okay'
literally no
me: yeah the split didn't affect me too badly, y'know, like it's fine.
the lyric that absolutely destroys me: and did you know the liberty bell is a replica, silently housed in its original walls?
me: i kinda wanna unalive :/
also me, right after: but first i gotta find out what janus and roman are doing in this fic
i want to saw my ears off violently and horribly and have them bleed all over the carpet. make it hurt.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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iwanttobesomeonesfirstpriorityiwanttobesomeonesfirstpriorityiwanttobesomeonesfirstpriority
i feel like frowing up :<