Ciel wants to talk. He knows this means it will be something excruciatingly difficult. With that in mind, he's not sure why he agreed. He doesn't want to do this. He doesn't, but… Maybe he should. That's what he's telling himself. There are a lot of things he should do that hurt. That are difficult and exhausting and painful, so much so that he can't bear to do them.

"I want to be bonded with you in this way, too… I want us to be together. To… give you every part of me. I love you more than anything… after all."

sorry if you're expecting something sexy. i'm bad at that. for another, i didn't really write this with that in mind, it's intended to focus more on the intimacy of it and all.. which is why this draws out so long, aha. i like writing about sex and physical intimacy as an expression of love, vulnerability, safety and happiness most. so that's what this is about..! hopefully it comes through. i tried, at least.

With the last piece in place, everything goes quiet. Not silent, Ciel is still there. But nothing else aside from him. His mind is allowed to be completely vacant, nothing gnawing at his skull like it usually so persistently does. There’s always something, something he must atone for, something he must be afraid of. Not here. Here, there is nothing but love and Ciel’s gentle touch. It’s peaceful. It’s almost serene.

hold on wait did you write this????????

like the one fic i think about before i go to bed every single night because it was just. so. [gestures vaguely]???

i hope you know i would gladly take a bullet for you

The house being empty also meant that his presence was the only sign of life within it. And seeing as he hardly felt alive in the first place… It felt as if this place was separate from the rest of the world. An isolated space, all his own… He doesn't even have to be real. It's lovely. Of course, this is when the world decides to inflict some form of cosmic justice upon him, and his phone rings.

making ain deal with the mortifying ordeal of being known and cared for.

bluhen and abysser are drinking together. neither of their native languages are english.

sorry for the tonal whiplash between chapters

Ain doesn't understand how Ciel can love something so impure.

They had promised to see the ocean together, after all. 

What greets him is, of all things, Richter. Looking disturbingly disheveled, for how neat he always is, tense in posture and staring at Ciel with wide eyes.

They fall to the blade in his hand, and then back up to his face.

Ciel quickly realizes how suspicious this looks.

do you have any idea how hard i'm struggling not to make anything involving ciel its own collection. it's like. it's my pride or something. i managed to go so long without it man. BUT it's not really ship, everyone's just besties right now. i realized i desperately wanted someone Uninvolved to give the perspective of someone outside looking in. so here we are

thanks to satyrgod for brainstorming with me as always via me ruining their dms but also bc they're responsible for a good chunk of this ciel.

how the three siblings came to be under ishmael's care 

hi. oh, god. ok. so. a few points.

this covers child abandonment at length. they are adopted in the end, and will be happy eventually, but this isn't in this chapter itself and the abandonment is very much what the entire thing is about. tread carefully !

here, richter is 8, bluhen is 3, herrscher is 1. Baby mode this time.

bluhen gets a phone call from his mother while on a date

herrscher thinks about his hospitalizations throughout his life     

Bluhen crouches down next to the fallen Angel. “You were beaten.” is the first thing to come from his mouth, after the smile.

“I was not.” Richter feels as if he is being insulted. “Ishmael’s Agents are not beaten.”

Bluhen’s eyes crease at the corners as he beams. “This one was.”

hello! this one has been stuck in my drafts since january 2019, so 3 years it haunts me. i've always been determined to finish it, though, even if it took that long, aha, so here we finally are. at the time i was rather infatuated with this idea of richter and his idea of perfection, his relationship to his sense of self and what he should be for ishmael, etc... i also, especially revisiting this after master road was released, think it's interesting to observe how he feels about the other angels, obviously. anyway this started back then as me forcing richter to confront humanity in various forms and meanings and now i don't know what it is. it's very headcanon-heavy and self-indulgent, as usual.

they haven't exactly had much of a chance to just sit down and talk. naturally, there's an awful lot to talk about. set immediately post-5.3.

sometimes Harque seems a little too dreamlike to be real. or, maybe Clamor’s just too caught up in his own head. a little conversation about the state of things in a new family.