Almost there

“I figured this big charade of ours wouldn’t result in anything I needed to worry about, but evidently my plan is working too well. Kohl only has eyes for Hannah, and I don’t like it. Not one bit.”

I've got a dozen asks in my inbox asking me for drabbles/fics updates, and I'm sorry I haven't responded until now, but writer's block was REAL. Haven't really written in months, though not for lack of trying. So I tried reading some of my unfinished stuff, and there was this drabble that had only 4 lines that inspired me, so... DRABBLE TIME! (oooh how I missed saying this)

So here we go: the wedding interruption, the other way around.

___

Catherine Avery throws grandiose weddings. April is not surprised, because everything about Catherine screams extra, and Jackson is, after all, her only child. Still, she would never have expected Jackson to have what seems to be the contents of three flower shops and a million candles at his wedding. 

His wedding.

She’s not jealous. Absolutely not. Yes, her heart does something funny when she thinks about the fact that she could have been the one at the altar. And yes, she has thought a hundred times about not coming today, despite the invitation and Jackson’s pleading eyes, and once again this morning, when she saw the rain pouring outside, but it’s not because she’s jealous. Well, she’s a bit jealous of the dress Edwards is wearing, which is absolutely gorgeous and fits her perfectly. 

She can’t be jealous. She didn’t say anything when he came to see her the day Stephanie proposed (a detail that has lived rent-free in her mind ever since). It’s not like he outright asked her for her permission, or if he should reconsider. No, his eyes did the work for him, begging her to say something, anything but “Congratulations”. 

But April Kepner has been raised right. She isn’t the kind of girl who steals a man from someone else (what would her mother say?). Men can’t be stolen, she’s not stupid, but she’s still not going to partake in homewrecking, thank you very much. But mostly, she didn’t say anything because she had thought that maybe he was just afraid of making a real commitment (and getting engaged to a person you’ve been dating for less than a year was a big one). So she’d smiled, said she was extremely happy for the both of them, that they were suited to each other and made a great couple. The hurt she had seen in his eyes, matching the expression she once saw on a bench, the day of the baby that wasn’t meant to be, was almost enough to make her reconsider, but she’d stayed strong. He had moved on, and he deserved it.

But now, now she isn’t so sure. Jackson’s look as he’s watching his bride walk down the aisle is not the one he should be sporting. Because she still knows him more than she knows herself, and Jackson should be beaming. Almost tearing up. He should not be looking so serious that he wouldn’t have looked out of place at a board’s meeting, barely smiling as Stephanie takes her place beside him.

It has to mean something, right? She had never let herself believe he was still feeling something towards her other than friendship. Sure, there was the time where he had said he wanted her, after his big hero-in-a-fire moment, but he had been confused after the storm, because guys like him didn’t want girls like her. 

They usually don’t.

Maybe Jackson did, though. And she had been fine the past few months, trying to let things go, but maybe she’s tired of running away. Of not acknowledging the thing her heart had been screaming for this past year.

Oh God, Catherine (and so many people, really) was going to hate her.

"Excuse me?"

From her vantage point, standing in the alley, she can see Alex behind Jackson, making a face she’s seen too many times directed at her, but she soldiers on.

“I’m sorry for interrupting, I mean, I don’t know if I can, really, and I'm sorry, I hate speaking in public so I'll be quick, but, Jackson. I love you. I think I always have. I love you when you laugh, and I love you when you frown, and I love you when you make people try to feel better. I love you when you're acting like a goat when you're sick, and I think I even love you when you look at me like I'm a lunatic, kind of like you're looking at me right now. And I know want and love are not the same thing, but you once said you wanted me, and I should have told you I wanted you too. Maybe it's too late, and I'm sorry for the inconvenience, everybody, but I just needed you to know. Because I love you, and I think you love me, too."

Stephanie's face is both angry and disdainful, like April is an annoying fly about to be swatted, and she can hear Catherine’s indignation from the first row, but she can only look at Jackson (gorgeous, perfect Jackson), who still hasn't said a word, who is looking at her like he always looks at her, like he doesn't always understand her but wants to try. She feels Arizona tugging on her dress, trying to make her sit back down, but April is glued to the spot and can’t move. Not until Jackson confirms to her that she's too late, or that she completely misread things, and then maybe she can find another hospital to finish her fellowship, because people are going to stare at her and make fun of her any chance they get, and they should, really, her gesture is as pathetic as her, and they'd be right to–

The sound of Jackson whispering, of Stephanie’s incredulous "what???", bring her back to earth, and suddenly, Jackson is standing in front of her, eyes containing a storm.

"Took you long enough."

The whispers of the crowd, Stephanie’s hurried conversation with Jo, Catherine’s scandalized recriminations, everything disappears when Jackson, without breaking eye contact, takes her hand and nudges her towards the door.