Peter doesnāt know why he did it , he truly doesnāt . He thought it was just his cowardliness and selfish self , but living with a psychopath psychotic killer with a cherry of god complex made him actually question himself .
He spent two years actually thinking about his betrayal, and he still couldnāt figure it out.
Was it because he was scared that Voldemort will kill him ? No , he knew he could get away from him . Maybe run away to other magical countries where Voldemort slippery hand did not stretch ,
Japan ? No too xenophobic.
Russia empire ? Fucking cold , but adapted ti worse .
Was he scared of bellatrix ? He was , but again he managed Siriusās just fine . He could handle another psychopath .
He could have ran away and he knew the others would have understood, even helped him .
So why the fuck did he betray his closest friend ???
It wasnāt for the glory either, no matter how much he tried to cling to it after he revived Voldemort .
He knew better , his standing with the death eater depended on Voldemort moods.
He was his favourite punching bag ; but again , he would let the bellatrix hunt him for fun just because.
So why the fuck did he do it ?
James was his childhood best friend, his first friend .
His family was a cadet for the potters , that ment he and James shared the same bed since they were in the crib , they only stoped because James didnāt want lily to get the wrong idea .
He hated her so fucking much when James told him his reasoning.
They were supposed to swore the bonding othes when they became 17 .
But James forgot, or he simply stoped regarding Peter with the same closeness Peter did .
It didnāt change much , the petegrew owned the potter a life dept that was inherited when the one potter lord saved the petegrew heiress from witch burning , and with it he saved the petegrew line .
So the dept was inherited for generations, it wasnāt as bad as some people might think ,
The potters were very wealthy and affluent, they were a dynasty. Even if pure blood elitist refused to add them to the 28 families .
They knew better than to stand against them , and in extending the petegrew, the only surviving cadet family left for the potters .
So they were cherished accordingly, and the potters were very generous toward the people they deem worthy.
āWhen the potters raise the petegrewās weāre behind them to make sure they donāt fall , and if they ever did the petegrewās will be there to hold them up ā
Thatās how his mother always explained it to him , and Peter believed her .
Yet James didnāt think so , thatās why he latched to Sirius , and eventually grew so close he took him in when he finally ran away .
But he might have thought Peter would not change , since he trusted him enough to make him the secrets Keeper .
Or he simply thought Peter was to scary cat to even think about betraying him .
He knew the answer to that question years ago, but he never wanted to admit it to himself.
Peter and James , James and Peter .
When ever you look there will be James doing implosive stuff and Peter behind him cleaning up after him .
When was Peter less fat yet still chubby to be called tedy bear with his big sky blue eyes , surrounded with two thick sets of eyelashes, pouty rose lips coupled with always rose cheeks, and Terry eyes on command to charm and guilt his and James way out of trouble.
Many thought he would turn into a charming young man, but stress eating and hating himself made those fantastic break .
But James didnāt disappoint, like a sun that finally graced a cold and gloomy place , James smile gave that impression.
Peter canāt remember the exact time he stoped getting lost in that sunny smile .
But he knew it was probably the time he stoped having expectations about his and James relationship.
The worst part is lily was innocent, James did love her , but he cherished Sirius more . And peter wanted nothing more than to go back to the exact moment they ever saw those beautiful grey eyes with that ethereal looks of a Sociopath and take James away from that black hole .
A stupid thought that always came into his mind , when he thought about what if .
What if they never meat Sirius?
What if they left to America like uncle Charles wanted ?
Fuck it , what if he went back in time and killed Sirius Orion Black ?
It wouldnāt change shit , If James was the sun every body cherish and loved , Sirius was the moon every one wrote poets about sits Beauty and mysterious effect .
The sun could live without its moon but would never be the same , its loved heat would burn .
And the moon would never shine and be its ethereal self without its moon .
And Peter was the earth would couldnāt live without both of them .
Peter and James turned into Sirius and James.
Peter knew in every universe they would meat and grew close .
They would gravitate toward each other .
Sometimes he would let himself think of a world without poor Lily Evanās .
And every time , he would find the same answer, nothing would change .
James and Sirius would still be tok wrapped up on their own bubble to acknowledge other people .
Maybe Remuse , but that would just be Sirius .
And Jamesās wouldnāt do the same to him .
Maybe thatās why he did it , was it a sick way of getting back at James?
Perhaps, it was too late now to think about it,
He let out final breath as he gazed at the cold, emerald eyes and the same sneer Sirius perfected, the one that would make old kings bend the knee just in shame.
Harry James Potter was the perfect combination of the two people Peter hated, loved, and envied.
And he prayed to whatever gods that were around that he would go straight to hell than have to confront them again.
