S just went off to his second day of his new job and he’s so sick I have no idea how he made it out the door. He was in tears about how he just wants to be normal and doesn’t want to be sick all the time. I really feel like he can’t keep living like this but no one seems to want to figure out what’s going on. They just abort the episode and send him on his way. I’m so worried about him.
Also, if he has to apply for disability, that will mean we can’t get married because I don’t think he’s paid into Social Security enough to get SSDI. He’s worked off the books a lot during his life. I just wish I could fix this for him. It breaks my heart to see him scared of losing his income and being worried about not being able to stay with me. I’m also worried about what it will do to his mental health if he has to move back to Maine…and mine, for that matter. I hate this shit.
Edit: He threw up when he got there and they’re sending him home. I really don’t know where we go from here if he can’t keep this job. I am never going to fault him for it. I just don’t know what to do. If the job I want to apply for ever gets posted, I have no choice but to apply and to get it. It could almost double my income and then maybe I’ll be able to just take care of both of us. I will totally sell out if it means keeping S healthy and safe. I also just have no support of my own throughout this and it’s really hard. I need to find a new therapist.
Edit: As of tonight he has kept some soup down for a while now and still has a job but that could change. It’s such bullshit that he hadn’t really been super sick in months and now he’s had two episodes one after the other while he’s trying to start a new job.
