Ain't Good, Ain't Bad...

*Accidentally spills [[SPECIFY HERE]] on you*

*Slaps you*

*Kisses you on the lips*

*Bites your lip*

*Rubs your shoulders*

*Dumps ice water over your head*

*Winks at you*

*Flips hair at you*

*Throws a ball of paper towards you*

*Hands you a note, inside it says [[SPECIFY HERE]]*

*Slams the door shut behind you*

*Storms out of the room*

*Wraps my arms around you from behind*

*Kisses your neck*

*Nibbles on your earlobe*

*Tucks a strand of hair behind your ear*

*Strokes your hair*

*Caresses your cheek*

*Holds you in my arms*

QUOTES - PICK UP LINES EDITION

“You’re cute and I’m horny. You thinking what I’m thinking?”

“I see you like cardio… wanna go back to my place and do it together?”

“I’m sorry, but I just received a call for you. From heaven? I think they’re missing an angel.”

“Hold my hand? I’m afraid I’m getting lost in your eyes.”

“Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.”

“Are you a pokemon? Because I’d like to peek-at-chu.”

“If I had a dollar for every beautiful girl/guy I saw tonight, I’d have one dollar. Because the only beautiful girl/guy in here is you.”

“Maybe I could show you my [[SPECIFY ITEM]] collection. It’s back at my house, so we’d have to go there but…”

*Spills a drink on your shirt* “I’m so sorry! But if it’s any reassurance, I think that top would look better on my bedroom floor anyways.”

QUOTES - STRANGERS EDITION

“I’m sorry, have we met before?”

“I don’t know you, but thanks.”

“You’re a very nice guy/girl, you know that?”

“We only just met… but I’d really like to see you again.”

“Do you think you could move your ass out of my friend’s seat?”

“It’s none of your business. We just met.”

“Hey I’m [[NAME HERE]] and my crazy ex-girlfriend/boyfriend is here and I was wondering if you’d pretend to date me so I can get them off my back?”

“I’m so sorry about that! Let me buy you a new sandwich.”

“Oh shit. I didn’t mean to trip you I swear, I’m sorry.”

QUOTES - WORKPLACE EDITION

“Did you get that email I sent you last night?”

“No, I’m serious. She/he brought a flask to work.”

“I overheard the boss and I think you’re about to be put up for a promotion!”

“I know what you’ve got in that top drawer.”

“I can’t believe you’re drunk at work.”

“You know, most people watch porn at home.”

“Your Netflix binge is using up all the broadband.”

“Stop torrenting, asshole! I have a report to send off to Japan in an hour and I can’t even open Gmail!”

“If you spent half as much time on doing your job as you do on World on Warcraft, maybe you’d have a chance at a promotion too.”

“You’ve been working here for 6 years and you don’t know where the break room is?”

QUOTES - SCHOOL EDITION

“Didn’t you hear? [[NAME HERE]] and [[NAME HERE]] hooked up last night!”

“We lost the playoffs.”

“The girls team beat the boys!”

“I heard he/she got called into the principal’s office.”

“Apparently the swim team had an orgy after hours.”

“I heard they were fucking in the bathroom.”

“She/he’s been paying people to do their homework!”

“She/he fell running in the hallway and knocked out a few teeth.”

“I can’t believe we’re graduating this year.”

“Being a freshman sucks.”

“I slept with a sophomore last weekend.”

“She/he told me they were a junior!”

“Why are those freshmen staring at you?”

“Is there a reason everyone suddenly knows your name overnight?”

“How come everyone suddenly knows who I am?”

“Did you tell them about my [[INSERT SECRET HERE]]?!”

“I can’t believe you hooked up with my boyfriend/girlfriend.”

“I definitely failed that test.”

“I got an A on my essay!”

QUOTES - SASS EDITION

“Wow, there’s a stick wedged so far up your ass I don’t think I can even pull it out.”

“I’m sorry, but my number of fucks to give has officially reached a negative number.”

“Uranus called and said I’m huge and in the way.”

“I’m searching… searching… oh. Well would you look at that. I couldn’t find any fucks to give.”

“What’s the difference between a dolphin and you? Dolphins have brains.”

“Just because that’s mistletoe hanging above us doesn’t mean I’m going to kiss you.”

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

“At this point you might as well ask for my autograph.”

QUOTES - ARGUMENTS/ROWS/QUARRELS EDITION

“You know I’m right! I’m always right!”

“Shut up. Just shut up!”

“I don’t need to listen to this.”

“You’re lying.”

“I can’t believe you’d say that. Even in an argument, that was low of you.”

“I can’t look at you.”

“Don’t fucking touch me.”

“If you say one more word, I swear…”

“Pipe down, you’re making a scene.”

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Now I know why people think you’re neurotic.”

“You must be crazy.”

“I’m not backing down.”

“You can’t hide the truth forever, you know.”

“What’s your issue?”

“You make me so angry.”

“This has nothing to do with you.”

QUOTES - LOVERS EDITION

“And… and I love you! It’s what I’ve been trying to tell you all along.”

“I don’t know how to say it. But you know what I’m trying to say, right?”

“I’ve never been good at this. I don’t do relationships. But I… I want to try with you.”

“You’re the one that I want.”

“I don’t care. I don’t give a shit, don’t you get it? I don’t give a flying fuck unless it has to do with you. I love you.”

“Please don’t say that. You know you’re the only one for me. Fuck everyone else.”

“I can’t stop thinking about you. Every minute of every day. I could be standing in the shower or cooking breakfast, but you’re still the only thought on my mind.”

“I want to wake up next to you, everyday for the rest of my life.”

“I’ve always been afraid of commitment, okay? That’s why I sleep around.”

"I’ve never wanted to give love a try until now.”

“Please, don’t leave me.”

“I need you more than you will ever know.”

“I love you more than I could ever express in words.”

QUOTES - DRUNK AND KNOCKING AT YOUR DOOR EDITION

*Starts singing [[SPECIFY SONG NAME]] outside your door/window*

“I didn’t fuck him/her, I swear!”

“I brought vodka and ice cream.”

“You left your anal beads at my house. Wait… no, they’re just normal mardi gras beads.”

“I can’t believe you went without me!”

“I love you, I love you so much and you just don’t see it. What am I supposed to do?”

“I know you’re sad and upset. Let me be your distraction! I want to be your distraction!”

“I can’t find my apartment and I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

“Let me in! I think I’m gonna throw up.”

TEXTS - DRUNK EDITION

[TEXT] You dumped me for HIM/HER?

[TEXT] I can’t stop listening to our song.

[TEXT] My pillow still smells like you.

[TEXT] You left your cologne when you moved out. I used it up.

[TEXT] Do you even love me?

[TEXT] What happened to us?

[TEXT] I just want to eat bacon and see you naked. And then eat bacon off of you naked.

[TEXT] IM26C4U.

[TEXT] You never gave a shit about me.

[TEXT] I couldn’t care less.

[TEXT] Now you know how it feels.

[TEXT] I still love you.

[TEXT] I can’t stop thinking about all the times you told me you loved me… and wondering if they were lies.

TEXTS - EMERGENCY EDITION

[TEXT] I fell down the stairs and… well, I’m in the ER.

[TEXT] ______ got injured during their game and I’m waiting with them at the hospital but I can’t do this alone.

[TEXT] Did you know your mother/father is at the hospital right now??

[TEXT] I was cleaning out the garage and I’m stuck under some boxes!! Please help before the spiders get me.

“You must be lonely.”

“Throw it for money!”

“You gained self-loathing!”

“Is it possible to snort meth?”

“I’m gonna drink the whole sea.”

“I let my twerking do the talking.”

“I’m sorry I fucking ruined your life.”

“Don’t take that out of context, please.”

“I love you… but you’re a fucking idiot.”

“Don’t let your default setting be ‘asshole’.”

“NO, DON’T TAKE A SELFIE RIGHT NOW!”

“Swiggetty-swooty, I’m coming for that booty.”

“I hope I’m not gonna be murdered by a child.”

“I told you never to interrupt me while I’m RICH.”

“If someone’s giving you a sass… blow them up.” 

“Oh, that thing is NOT happy about being murdered.”

“Are you thinking it? You LOOK like you’re thinking it.”

“You’ve never killed someone just to see how it feels?” 

“It’s like… what if a turnip just came alive off my plate?”

“I’m easily blinded by bright lights… and punches to the face.”

“You ever wanted to be with a guy who used to eat Chapstick?”

“It’s like somebody running up to you and punching you in the face.”

He was hiding under the sheets until he felt her stir right beside him. He sighed loudly and he slowly peeled back the covers, the sun hitting him right in the face. He squinted and quickly flipped over to face her, pressing his forehead against her arm.

“Just got up…” she replied, “Did I wake you? You can sleep another hour while I shower, Jess.” Every morning she would litter his face with soft kisses. 

“Nah....I wanna shower with you, come on...did you think I’d pass that up?”

He made another face at her before he broke into a smile and opened his eyes to look at her.

He was hiding under the sheets until he felt her stir right beside him. He sighed loudly and he slowly peeled back the covers, the sun hitting him right in the face. He squinted and quickly flipped over to face her, pressing his forehead against her arm.

He kept his gaze forwards as if he was watching something or waiting for something to happen right in front of him. He blew out a trail of smoke from his cigar before he turned slightly, his face partially covered by his serape and the trail of smoke.

She had sped through the state, following the signs to their destination. They talked and teased each other the while way there. Had a beer or two. Had a couple smokes. Whatever. She would get Jesse’s adrenaline pumping every once and a while, picking up the speed from time to time. Laughing when she would see his eyes widen when she hit that gas pedal with all her might. She even got a little touchy touchy, not that Jesse minded one bit.

Even though she insisted on driving all the way there, Jesse made Sam stop at a motel for the night. She wanted to be there so badly already. It was only three more hours but nothing she said was changing his mind it seemed.

“Did we really have to stop for the night?” Sam whined and flung her bed onto the queen sized bed in the room. 

He closed the door behind him and quickly lit up another smoke, eyeing her as she flopped onto the bed. Her lipstick was slightly smeared over her lips, a little onto her right cheek. Even her hair was messy and he could tell that she was having a little bit of trouble keeping her eyes open.

“You were basically fallin’ asleep behind the wheel. Anyway, a few hours of sleep wouldn’t hurt…plus, it’ll make you more hungry and more excited to eat that steak.”

“I know something you can be excited to eat,” she whispered into his ear, a small smirk on her face. She didn’t waste any time to start nipping his right ear. Traveling down, she nipped at his sensitive skin on his neck too. Sam was hoping t get him riled up a bit. Get a little something out of him for driving them all the way here. 

He let out a moan as he rolled his head back, closing his eyes as he focused on the sensation of her mouth and teeth on his neck. He flicked the cigarette to the floor, stomping on it with his foot before he tried to back up onto the bed. 

“My favorite thing to eat…even more than steak, tacos…you can’t beat what you got to offer me, Honeycomb.”