Ace for days.

reblog if you’ve never used the braincell

the what

yeah

tell ur dogs i said hi ok?

a magician asks you to pick a card - any card, in fact. you do. they ask you to put the card back in the pack - anywhere in the pack, in fact. you do. they walk away. ten years later, your wife gives birth to the six of clubs. “is this your card?” the midwife asks, in a familiar voice.

reblog if u r madly in love with me or if u like apple juice

“Cartoons? Isn’t that for kids?” I look up and smile “ Yes it is” Suddenly my appearance shifts and shrinks as I become a child. All my money turns to monopoly money and all my bills are gone. My adult responsibilities vanish, finally the spell is broken, and I am free.

when youre pregnant you can only eat tiny miniature versions of foods otherwise the baby wont be able to fit it in its little mouth im a scientist

This year did NOT go according to keikaku

i want someone who will light a fire in me.

I want someone who will light me on fire

tumblr meet up at costco free samples are on me

Public execution prom night

starting this year off on a penis friday