confessions of a teenage drama queen

I (like most Destiel fans), hate Dean calling Cas a brother in 11x23. But honestly, if you look at the season, it kinda makes sense.

Daen is totally flustered when Mildred says that he is pining for someone (not Amara), and I think this was talking about Cas. I would argue he is is pining for Cas (and knows it) but thinks it is in a platonic way. The thought of his feelings for Cas being described as pining causes him to kinda deny deny deny. Dean's heart is literally weakend bc of emotional turmoil in this episode, for reasons he denies knowing.

And is love is literally cloaked in shame (as told by a monster pretending to be Amara), and he is also canonically not in love with her.... (Yes, this could be dramatic irony bc he doesn't actually love Amara, but it does not come across that way).

Still, despite his cosmic bond with Amara, he is more worried about Cas when Lucifer literally hurts Amara while inhabiting Cas' vessel.

So, its no surprise to me that he tells Cas how much he loves him (by calling him a brother) after all that.

Dean is reverting back to a comfortable way to express love, the only way that has really stuck with him - familial love, specifically with found family (Bobby, Charlie), after his feelings with Cas kinda fly too close to the sun if you will (whether he knows why his feelings are so deep, I don't know).

I see that too in 13x06, where when Cas returns, he calls him pal (I think) which is totally unnecessary. In 7x23, when he is telling Cas how he wants him to come with on a suicide mission, he uses a baseball metaphor to say how he wants Cas, cursed or not. These are both reducing Cas to found family/a close close friend, when the mourning that Dean was doing in the seasons, while not inherently romantic, felt pretty damn romantic to me.

Point being, this is Dean yet again "no homo"-ing the feelings he had towards Cas in the season where they are arguably most pronounced (and repressed before our eyes) (the best Dean reciprocates seasons are the ones where Cas is gone ironically) they have ever been. He is literally trying to repress all his feelings about literally killing himself to save everyone this whole episode...

(You could argue that he really does view Cas as a brother, and feels awkward at other implying romance when the pining is just for Cas to be back and safe, but I mean, the vibes are just not that.)

Sam being tricked by Ruby does not negate the fact that he kept Dean out of the loop and was obviously crossing a line that Dean clearly set. Dean was so traumatized after hell and that showed up all season, and yet, people act like he's just being horrible and abusive like John for no reason.

Point being, both Sam and Dean kinda suck with lots of nuance. I don't get people want either of them to be totally right/wrong.

9/10

It is so fascinating how in a childhood where Dean is raised by Bobby and Ellen, Dean is not repressed in terms of expressing traits that our Dean would associate with femininity and queerness. Eating salads, watching Project Runway, dressing like Ken. He is seemingly metrosexual.

However, when he thinks that Sam is like propositioning him in the elevator or something, he gets defensive, telling him to save it for the health club, and the second time, he tells Sam that he's "not into that stuff."

He is totally unrepressed except when it comes to potentially being queer, and then he goes back to being homophobic-ish, associating queerness with health club in a clearly stereotypy way, trying to emasculate Sam.

Dean Smith is like later seasons Dean, not repressed in terms of what he allows himself to enjoy (clothes, food) except when it comes to his sexuality.

I don't know why people say that Dean Smith is like bi (and open about it) just because he's fine with like watching Project Runway. That feeds on negative stereotypes just like the pink panties thing. That is not what makes him queer y'all. He reads as bi (and closeted to me) because he was so like overly reactive to thinking Sam was hitting on him.

I know you could argue that he was into men and was saying that he wasn't into office romances or like just for story reasons not into his brother, but I don't know that his response to Sam was that of an openly queer man. Still, of course he didn't say he was straight yet again.

Though he could be for the purpose of this episode. It is an alternate universe, and he could just be a homophobic metrosexual dude. He just seems to be overcompensating in a very canon Dean way when it comes to his sexuality.

This episode also shows again how he can never really live a classic American life where he's anything but a hunter even if he wants to because deep down inside he always will want to hunt, which in itself is queercoded in a Buffy way. Yes, he does find himself unhappy in his office life, but he wanted that stability. Still, he finds himself quitting because hunting makes him happy. He wants to live a white picket fence life but knows he never will and makes peace with that. Very queercoded.

Production is great, but the album it could really use a few more songs, and better lyricism at times. Still, I love the garage rock feel. I was at a listening party, and the album clicked quick on the second listen because I had already heard it.

I love 'Yeah' sonically, and 'Persona' is also great. Its def a girl so confusing bside. 'SS26' is a career highlight that feels well played out compared to some songs that feel cut off too early. It does feel raw, and I don't get why people say that it is played too safe. It is def experimental.

I don't like '2007' because of its repetition, and 'Magic Metal Montana' is a song where I just don't like her style of singing too much. Still, neither are skips, i just think they could be better.

I really wish that 'if you take away the music than what has she got' made the album. I get why 'Playboy Bunny' was cut, but take away the music fit the album both sonically and thematically. If I were her, I would def include both those songs.

I don't have any real skips. I would rank it where it is because there are no songs I really dislike, with other projects there are def skips. But the highs on this album aren't really songs I would put on many playlists yk.

8.3/10

Charli Ranking After MFF:

True Romance (top 5 fav album of all time)

How I'm Feeling Now

Brat

Number 1 Angel

Crash

Sucker

MFF

Wuthering Heights

Pop 2

Vroom Vroom

Charli

I know that sucker is probably higher than the consensus, and the more hyperpop stuff is lower, but I am just not a fan of many songs on Pop 2 or Charli. Albums with songs I like (like sucker) rank higher for me than a better overall album that has no hits to me (or only one). I def will listen to the last two more to try to get them though.