Lizzzard Tales

So far so good! Enjoying my new travel life so much! We haven’t gone far but it’s been an experience which is what I’m looking for in life. My sweet baby is still adorable as ever. He loves travel too! My Hubby is loving the travel as well. We both are excited to adventure forth! More and more we just say “Let’s give it a shot”. We haven’t found much that we haven’t enjoyed. I’m so happy lately. It took a while but it’s so amazing what time can donfor your psyche. I never ever expected to find a love like I have now. The despair I felt as my Beloved was dying has been cleansed from my soul. I have my Hubby now and he helps me find joy in life. He is my heart and soul. I feel so blessed to have found him.

As always I miss my Beloved. He is always with me. I have such a full rich life now. Remember to always tell the people you love how you feel. And be free, live wild and love much.

So yeah it’s been several months. Things have been crazy. I have a cute little dog now and I started doing the travel nurse thing so I’m at the beach for the winter! Hell yeah! Sometimes I love my job!

So far the new hospital is great. It’s nice to be at a place that puts emphasis on staff input and embraces change. So far I have made a suggestion and now I am making a presentation this week on how it would benefit the “patient experience”. Since patient satisfaction is what drives payment from the government this should give me really good leverage for my side. Hopefully it will go well. Either way I’m happy. That’s what matters. My darling Hubby thinks I’m amazing and we are living the dream. He takes care of me. I work. Things work. It’s not for everyone but it makes us happy.

Im not sure where we will go next but we have a few mo the to decide the next tour. Most likely it will be the west coast. Perhaps somewhere in the Midwest. The key to this is to find the places no one wants to be and go there Bc they pay more. Eventually we will get a camper and it will be easier. So for now you will have to be satisfied with pics of the beach and the dog.

Much love to everyone and remember, you make your own happiness. Be the happy.

So on my FB feed today popped up from one year ago a post about how my beloved and I couldn’t sleep at 330 am and decided to eat cookies in bed. My initial thought was “awww I remember that. It was hilarious. We literally ate cookies and milk in bed”. Then I remember why we did it. Bc he couldn’t walk anywhere, he couldn’t eat hardly anything so when he was hungry we ate whatever he wanted and bc we knew he was dying so we did whatever he wanted.

I want to cry.

I have tears leaking out of my eyes but I’m trying so hard to remember how fun it was. How happy we were. How we didn’t care and acted like little kids.

Today I went out in the snow and acted like a little kid with my Hubby and I laughed and laughed. I had fun. I LIVED!

That’s what my beloved wanted for me. That’s what he loved about me. That’s why I loved him.

But… sometimes living is hard sometimes loving is hard sometimes life is hard

And sometimes…

Sometimes it’s amazing, wonderful, bright, shiny and sparkly

So it’s been a while. I’ve been busy with the house and the yard and work. Married life is wonderful. It’s amazing how finding your soul mate can be so freeing and comforting. I’ve had a few people say OMG it’s so fast. Well ya know what. I don’t care and mind your own business. I’m gonna take my happiness while it’s available. Being with someone who’s drying of cancer reminds you life is not guaranteed. Frankly I’m over the societal worry. If you don’t like me or my decisions there’s the door. I have waited for my happiness and put my life on hold to take care of someone I loved while they slowly died. Now I’m ready to be happy, health, and in the moment.

There’s still the survivors guilt. That little crazy voice that nags you.

“Why are you so happy? This was the life you always wanted with him”.

Well guess what? That little voice gets easier to ignore the more I focus on myself and being in the moment with my new hubby. That voice is just anxiety and fear and I have a wonderful, amazing husband who helps keep me sane and loves me.

So if your doubting yourself, stop! If your worrying about something you can’t control, stop!

Live your life, be happy, and above all spend time with the people you love and tell them you love them. Make memories. It’s all I have of my beloved now and I’m so grateful we were able to make them.