We Don't Take Time From Misery

I’m having my first public anxiety attack and I feel like I’m dying and I’m surrounded by drunk people and I really just hate this moment.

I hate being around people who never even knew you. Talking about you feels like screaming at a brick wall, every word bouncing back and slamming right into me again.

It’s so unfair that life has to keep going but I’ll never get to hear your laugh again. You haven’t even visited my dreams. I would do anything to see you again.

Life keeps going on but how the fuck does the earth revolve without you here?

I’m remember when I thought substances solved problems. I wish my issues were addiction.

Everyone deals with grief differently but damn wanna grieve together ?

Life feels like a rotten apple. I go to bite at a new chance but it only ends up being decay.

I’ve run out of people willing to listen. I have stories to tell and memories to share. Your voice needs to be heard but the ears are all closed.

Whoever said time heals all wounds didn’t understand that time isn’t real. Grief does not expire. It hardens deep down inside, only to be choked back up in spontaneous moments.

I keep doing all of these things for you, to celebrate you, to be you, to bring your spirit alive. But all it has taught me is I am not you, I never will be you, and nobody else could ever be you. You are gone and it’s permanent and I am so fucking sad.

I’ve always been one for melodramatics but today I am being so objective; today is the worst day I usher ever had to face emotionally. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Tomorrow I bury a best friend. With life comes death, but the universe cheated this time. This was never supposed to happen. We were never supposed to lose you this soon. I will mourn you forever.