Letters I Wish I Could Send

What would you say about your disability if you faced no consequences?

To submit an anonymous letter, please fill out this form: https://forms.gle/FKv1sdHpntVs4bdu7

Dear Professor,

I wish you know why I leave. Why I can't come to class sometimes. Why sometimes I'm unable to speak. I wish you knew that for as much as I love going to class, I can be completely drained afterwards. That sometimes I struggle to get out of my room to go to class at all and that sometimes after class when I do go to my room I have to hide under the covers with headphones on.

It's not simply one thing (although I wish it could be.) There are things I could probably ask for but I don't know how or even what to ask for. How do I say that listening to audio from speakers is grating to my brain? How do I say that class discussions are difficult because I either can't hear what those around me are saying, I'm unable to talk at the moment, or I don't have anyone to talk to? How do I say that it can be very exhausting to have to process what is being said during lectures because I have to filter everything else out, and that if a lecture goes on too long I am even more likely to crash afterwards? How do I say that the fan running in the background or the sound of electricity is one sound too many?

I know school is supposed to challenge us. I know that in life there will be struggles we face. But are all these things I experience really necessary? In a class should the source content really be secondary to me dealing with the environment around me?

Dear Professor,

I wish that your classroom was accessible to me, i wish that i didn’t have to struggle to open heavy doors, that i didn’t have to walk up and down stairs because your lecture hall has stadium seating, that i didn’t have to try and fit into a chair that is attached to its desk. I wish that i wasn’t required to go to every class to maintain my grade because it means that when i wake up every morning i have to debate whether my pain will be worth the points i got for going to class.

I wish that you recorded your lectures because your slides don’t have all the information and i can’t keep up with my notes and sometimes i can’t understand what you say and i would like to be able to revisit the lecture later. I love your class but i would enjoy it so much more if it wasn’t so difficult for me to attend, if i didn’t have to put in more energy than i have to spare in order to keep up. I want you to understand that every day i have to weigh my education against my health because i can’t take care of both the way i need to.

Dear Professor,

I didn't know that I had ADHD until after I finished undergraduate studies. I didn't know why I had a tendency to procrastinate. I didn't know why I struggled so hard with everything. I didn't know why I had no motivation. I didn't know how to do better. I wanted to. I really wanted to. But I didn't know what to do to change that. I studied a lot. I tried. But I really didn't know why I couldn't do these things. I wish I could have done better, done more.

I wish I could have known at the time, and the truth is, these things still aren't easy for me. I don't know how to not procrastinate; I don't know how to not feel burnt out and overwhelmed. Medication has helped. But it's not easy, and I don't know how to make it better. Were there things I should have put more effort into? Yes. Obviously. But there are so many other things that I put effort into, but it doesn't show, because it looks like chaos to the outside.