livelaughzerokiryuu

You might be asking… where is that red lighting coming from? Idk… it came out of nowhere :D (PROPS TO THE CREATOR OF THE BASE…cause I can’t draw poses for the life of me)

ALSO I FINISHED HIGH SCHOOL!!

PS the blog I’m asking this from belongs to our host, she’s pretty stealth about the DID on this blog

Kaname be like: what?

Zero: I said what I said.

I haven’t posted in awhile, mostly because of burnout, but here are some doodles of my two favourite ship Kanamexzero people :D

I’m turning 18 this year and to me that’s a bit scary. Young adulthood! Amazing stuff. But over the years, I’ve been lazy? Well, I’ve been calling it lazy, because I don’t have a job, I’m not doing anything productive or anything to make myself productive. I’ve just been playing video games, drawing and writing, however, even those things or hobbies or things I’m passionate about I’ve come to slowly put away. Maybe it’s burn out? And need to put things down and find something new, but then again I have this lack of motivation or this feeling of “I don’t want change” and that might be what’s holding me back… this both wanting to change…

And maybe it’s fear, fear of growing up, I mean everyone else seems to know what they’re doing, so why can’t I do that. But I’ve been noticing this disassociation? If we can call it that, maybe I’m making it a big deal, but there’s these moments that are happening a bit more, and I find comfort of being “away” where the world is a blur and only the sound is there, it feels like a warm hug or something like that….and i think it’s because i don’t have to make decisions, have to talk to others, do something or move at all… sometimes i would stay up all night staring and feeling this way; warm, at peace but numb? Maybe.

Same with me going autopilot mode, where I’ll remember being in one class room and the next I find myself at lunch break with friends, it’s as if everything went blank and I hadn’t noticed, but that’s probably nothing as it only happened twice I think…? I mean like WHOLY that’s weird, cause I never experienced that before, but it didn’t mean much to me.

Idk, to be honest. And apparently that’s my favourite saying “I don’t know” I said that to my parents and they shook their heads I feel like weird, like I’m failing them, but usually that’s when I stop hearing them and buzzing sounds come on. And you know what’s funny is the fact they talk about how I’m going to be able to take care of myself, from feeding, doing basic human things. And I agree, how I’m going to when I say idk what I’m doing I life, or the fact I feel worthless in the world of many people that feels the same as me. Sometimes I think I would rather die, than continue on living and I find no guilt in that. I probably should feel guilty though. That my death won’t mean anything beucase I find no meaning that is me. But then aging my parents love me and I love them. I love them so much, but these feeling I wish I could numb them down.

Though, I’ve been lacking things, just that I’ve been doing nothing. And I feel stupid writing here. Maybe I shouldn’t be putting this online, or I should be talking to my parents, but parents are parents and they’ll that it’s just a phase.

I’m crying they look so soft and in love PLS PUT ME DOWN 😭

I’m drawing more of my sky sona Snuf!!!! Because of a friend I love drawing my sky sona and cause Snufs cute and squishy looking!!! And I think I might draw more sky related content/drawings

Zero Kiryuu eye because he has, to me of course, one of the most beautiful eyes in the whole freaking show ٩(ˊᗜˋ )و ♡

HOW THE FREAK TO PEOPLE WRITE!!! Pls why is it so hard (╥‸╥)

Like I’m doing a fanfic right now, and it’s chapters but I’ve been writing this since grade nine and I’m not even done chapter one yet .·°՞(っ-ᯅ-ς)՞°·.

The burnout is real, first sentence and I’m done as I leave it for months on end. The the first fanfic I’ve posted took like a year or two to finish and that one I had to push through ദ്ദി ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ )

Me to Kaname me too 😔

But anyways I’ll always draw Kaname down bad for Zero cause I can 😋

Here’s my beautiful boy Zero Kiryuu 🥹