Live in the Details

You lie to yourself. A lot. At night, when you think about where you are and what you’re doing— you tell yourself with a certainty you rarely apply to anything else that you want something more. You want to— be more— than you are. This life you’re living— you’ve completely outgrown it. And you feel it in your bones. Maybe you want to change your body. Maybe you want to let go of some part of you that still tucks you into bed every night. Maybe— maybe— you want to let go of every single damn choice you’ve made until now and just transform into a completely different person. Great. You say these things— and you say them a lot. Maybe it’s not out loud, maybe it is. But that is always where it stops, isn’t it? I heard this morning that we discover quickly what we’re committed to by what we DO. The point being made was— if you say you want to quit smoking while you’re smoking, your words and your actions are out of sync. If you say you hate where you live, but keep signing a new lease every year, your words and your actions are also out of sync. Yeah, I know these are simple examples. I know what enables us to actually MAKE choices— especially as responsible adults— can be extremely nuanced and complicated. But I also know that life will never change by just talking about it. For any of us. Life will never change when we wish it will. Life will never change when we write down our goals in fabulous little journals with 2020 emblazoned on them. Those are all great starting points, love, sure. But at some point we all— you— actually have to take the physical step forward and just do it. Sure, you may stumble. It may not be pretty. Heck, you might even mess it up entirely. But I’m telling you, forward is forward— whether it’s an inch or a mile. And wouldn’t you rather be stumbling forward on a walk to where you’re going than sitting comfortably in a life you don’t want? THAT is my point, love. We say what we want. But we get what we do. ♥ // © 2020 LIVE IN THE DETAILS https://www.instagram.com/p/B7YXwqXFpAA/?igshid=1jzfjkkzn9zag

You still have a lot of growing to do. And a whole bunch of stuff you’re working to overcome from your childhood. You still carry scars from your past relationships— and at least partially hope your next love heals you from your last. You’re a little insecure— but you’re working on it, aren’t you? Heck, you’ve been working to both love and change your body for a long time— but know that balance is the journey of your lifetime. You make mistakes. A lot of them. Sometimes you admit it— other times saying it out loud scares the hell out of you. Sometimes what you say and don’t mean echos for the whole world to hear— others, you hold back how you really feel until you want to explode. You’re both impulsive and risk-adverse. Confident and insecure. You are a dreamer and a cynic— both happy and a grouch. I get it, love. But just know that amidst all of these things you are— and aren’t— and are working to be— that you are also *just* like the rest of us. Finding your way. Learning. Trying. Failing. And then trying all over again. A lot happens on the journey to become who we are— and it’s rarely personal. Just do me a favor and try not to be so incredibly hard on yourself. Learn from what happens— and then keep moving forward. We’re all flawed. And maybe that’s the real secret of progress, love. Not perfection— but momentum. Just because it happened *to* you— doesn’t mean it’s a problem *with* you. Don’t ever let your mistakes be anchors, love. Let them be your fuel. ♥ // © 2020 LIVE IN THE DETAILS https://www.instagram.com/p/B7V0CHflD0R/?igshid=12kxvs1qc1mta

You think if only you plan more— save more— think more— you’ll be ready. If only you have more *time,* right? More money? More— experience? You think being ready is responsible. Expected. Right. And because you think that, you wait. You wait to start. Wait to try. You spend your life on this little line— teetering between a life you’ve outgrown and a life you want to step into. And that’s a hard tightrope to master, love. Someone told me once that ‘best is the enemy of good enough.’ As somewhat of a perfectionist and definitely a planner— someone who thinks through choices and wants to minimize risk— that never really made sense to me. Until it did. You can work to prepare for anything until you think you’ve hit that necessary “this is enough” line. But what happens is— if you don’t act there— you arrive at a place where there is absolutely no return on the time investment you’re making. Meaning— if you save more or plan more or train more after that point— the benefit you would get will never outweigh the time you will spend doing it. Does that make sense? At some point you just have to take the jump. Or make the call. Or book the trip. At some point— you just have to quit the job. Write the book. Say it out loud. Don’t wait too long to act on this thing you’ve wanted for so long. The risk of waiting is high— much higher than the things that *might* happen if you just take the chance and it doesn’t work out perfectly. If you wait, you will never quite feel ready. So you might not ever get there, love. But when you just do it— you will always feel ready. Ready to learn or grow or take another chance. And I promise you, the first thing you’ll wonder is why you waited so long. You never get your time back. Don’t. Wait. ♥ // © 2020 LIVE IN THE DETAILS https://www.instagram.com/p/B7TNYZrFKzI/?igshid=ctyihrwfg22b

When things get tough, sweet soul, remember it takes just three things to survive. Three. Repeat them over and over. Write them on your mirror. In your journal. On your door. In your car. And then you do these things until you make it past whatever it is you’re walking through. Because these three things will carry you when it feels like every single step is damn near impossible. I promise. Number one: Breathe. So simple, love. So important. And keep breathing. Number two: Keep your chin up. This is not permanent. It will not last forever. And yes, you are strong enough to do this. And three? Don’t ever let what you’re walking through steal your sparkle. Your vulnerability. Your softness. So the most important thing? When everything in you is telling you to close it down— darling, you don’t. You keep your heart wide open. ♥ // © 2020 LIVE IN THE DETAILS https://www.instagram.com/p/B7QnhS6lJRB/?igshid=en6googe14cr

But this what changes feels like. It’s hard, love. Damn hard. And I know. It feels wrong— like you’re swimming up stream or running against the wind. You feel off-balance, right? And people keep telling you they don’t understand. What you’re doing. Why. Why it even matters so much to you. But look, love, THIS is what it FEELS like. Change is never easy and it will never feel right in the beginning. Yes, you have a long way to go and yes, other people are way ahead of you and yes, it’s ok to feel like you want to give up. Just— don’t. Don’t give up. Never be afraid of what it feels like in the beginning. The beginning is hard for all of us. And very few of us talk about that. But you know you have to get past the beginning to get to the middle, love. And you have to get through the middle to get where you’re working so hard to get. I know it’s not easy. I know the way seems cloudy and chaotic. I know you have questions and worries and you’re— tired. But you’re doing it, love. In these moments. When you question it all but keep going. NEVER be afraid to start where you are. And NEVER be afraid to let where you are be the perfect place to keep right on going. ♥ // © 2020 LIVE IN THE DETAILS (at *caption) https://www.instagram.com/p/B7I-KiFF8Ki/?igshid=1nw9uecyrl4af

In your head, you’re just thinking through something, right? So it makes sense. Because when it does, you’ll be able to put it away in a neat little file and move on. And anyways, no one has ever told you that thinking too much can be dangerous. So you do it. When you’re alone, you obsess about everything that happened, everything that was said, and especially— especially— the things that weren’t. You construct these stories and try to figure out why someone said or did or didn’t do whatever they did. I mean— you literally write a whole narrative about what happened. And you do it WITHOUT real data, love. And that’s the danger. You’re just telling stories to your heart about things it couldn’t possibly know. People’s motivations are just about as complex as it gets. I promise you that even if you think about this until you’ve put together every story there is— it’s not going to make sense to you. And that’s the danger of overthinking. You’re spending your time telling yourself things that aren’t true. That will never be true. And that will likely— very likely— have one certain outcome. That YOU weren’t enough. You’re going rank and stack the pieces and it’s going to be your conclusion that whatever happened or didn’t— was because of you. And how UNFAIR is that? Honestly. For you to give yourself all the blame? It’s a complicated mess— how we all come together in this life. We each bring our own motivations and hang-ups. We bring our own insecurities and vulnerabilities— and things we’re really, really bad at expressing. And then we glue ourselves, for whatever amount of time, with someone else and see what sticks. And darling I promise you— what sticks or doesn’t isn’t anyone’s fault. Do you hear me? There are over 7 billion people in this world. Just because one person isn’t your person— or lifelong best friend— or whatever— that doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. Stop analyzing relationships like they are mathematical equations. They aren’t. And the only thing that happens is you give away much more than the world ever asked you for as the price for walking within it. ♥ // © 2020 LIVE IN THE DETAILS https://www.instagram.com/p/B7HZPrTHFVv/?igshid=klvji6tbr3jv

I want you to love someone so much that you don’t need words to understand how right time was when it made you wait. I want you to love someone so much that it feels like before them, you had never really loved anyone at all. I want you to love someone so much that you’re excited about running errands— or sitting with them on the couch doing absolutely nothing on a rainy day. I want you to love someone so much that you smile when you wake up and go to bed, for no reason at all. I want you to love someone so much that you feel comfortable telling them what you are uncomfortable telling everyone else. I want you to love someone so much it feels like your life began when you met them. That’s what I want for you, sweet soul. That. I want you to love someone— and be loved by someone— so deeply that your eyes completely change how they look at the world. And until you find that? Keep those eyes and that heart wide open. ♥ // © 2019 LIVE IN THE DETAILS #werise https://www.instagram.com/p/B7FKxo-FDJZ/?igshid=o3w4h3uq5iam

Fear keeps you safe. At least— that is what you heard countless times growing up— what everyone who cared about you wove into how you looked at the world. It applied to strangers and climbing trees— doing poorly in school and choosing friends. And when you were young, that was exactly right. Fear was your guardrail— your caution sign— your whisper from the universe that ‘this’ could end up hurting you. But when you became an adult, fear changed, love. And maybe you haven’t quite caught up yet. Fear is no longer a warning, love. It’s an evaluation point. YOUR evaluation point. And if you don’t take a long hard look at how you are using fear— it’s going to become your roadblock. Look, love— after you grow up and you’re at the helm of your own life, fear is no longer something to be afraid of. It’s something to use. And the reason for that is fear is useless in and of itself. Fear is something we paint over situations we don’t want to process— or can’t— and it becomes paralyzing. And paralyzing is not a plan of action. Now, I’m not saying you should jump in to anything without thinking it through. What I am saying, love, is that you should redefine how you look at what you’re scared of. Why are you scared, really? Is it because someone told you long ago that you should be? Or is it because it’s something you’ve always believed and you’ve never re-evaluated it? Is it because you think there’s nothing you can do about it? Or is it because the “worst case scenario” is so big it tucks you into bed at night with what-ifs? Well. It’s 2020 and you want to change things. I know. We all do. So maybe this is the first thing to tackle. When you fear fear itself, you give it power. You give it power to be your decision and not your choice. So go ahead and be afraid, love. But after that passes, take action. Take action and make fear your fuel. Never your prison. ♥ // © 2019 LIVE IN THE DETAILS #werise https://www.instagram.com/p/B7DvpRIlLLu/?igshid=okfhwkilm663

You’re doing it. Right now. While you are on the couch. Or in your car. Or getting ready for your day. You are choosing— and living— the life that will play in your head next New Years Eve. When you’re thinking about what you did. Or didn’t do. Or wish you’d done. When you’re thinking about the time you spent. Or the choices you made. Or how far you’ve come. Right now— today— you are making choices that you’ll probably want to go back and change. Or continue. Or think more about. Remember that, love. Because yes, the new year has passed and no one is putting any real pressure on you and what you’re going to “do” differently this year anymore. It’s not a conversation topic over dinner and the only person measuring your progress right now is you. And that is why it’s easy to forget, isn’t it? It’s easy to let yourself off the hook and brush change and resolutions onto a page that you can read again next year. And love, it’s ok. If you want to do that, it’s really ok. But I want you to think about, as we head into mid-January, how change works. How it— happens. Because real change isn’t big and showy. It’s not promotions and graduations and raises and fame. Real change happens in moments. These moments. In mornings you choose to wake up early— in the pause you force yourself to take before you respond. Real change happens when you take yourself out of the Mondays and the “this weeks,” and force yourself to look at how each choice you make actually forms the life that you’re living. And ultimately, whether it gets you closer— or further away— from the life you want to. Think about it, love. Because it is *what you do today* that will chart the course of your life tomorrow. Everything from who (and what) you choose to give your time to— to what energy you let into your heart. Today you might be heading to work. Or to school. Or to the gym. Maybe this is a new routine— or maybe it’s the same old routine you’ve been doing for years. Just know— whenever you are— that you are doing right now what next year you’re going to think about. And it’s completely up to you whether that starts with ‘I wish—‘ or ‘I did.’ ♥ // © 2019 LIVE IN THE DETAILS #werise https://www.instagram.com/p/B7BIXFUloa4/?igshid=1ws8ruio3mxct

Sometimes I wonder how much easier it would all be if we could just share our hard-earned lessons with each other. If we could only— pass along— the wisdom that came with the scars. The experience we soaked from the time. Sometimes I wish we could give that to each other— so that every single one of us wouldn’t have to learn things the ‘hard’ way. The way that comes with pain and loss and scars. But every time I have those thoughts, I realize how it important it all is— how it works. I realize how all those things we label so quickly as “the hard stuff,” are really just the way this world allows us to grow. We’ve grown accustomed to thinking growth is always incremental— sequential. That through time we grow some set amount each month or year. But I’m not so sure that’s how it works. What really happens is we go through life thinking we are growing, and life slaps us with the real growth opportunities. If life was a video game, these would be the power-ups, the mushrooms that make you twice as powerful. But like all things, it is up to us whether we see them. Whether we use them. And mostly, whether we let them become part of us. In 2020— choose to grow, love. Grow. But when you do, make sure you do it for you. Ten times out of ten. Always do it for you. ♥ // © 2019 LIVE IN THE DETAILS #werise https://www.instagram.com/p/B6-i97clCsV/?igshid=1h1ozxc8rewg7

You are always going to have questions. About who stays and who goes. And when. And why. You are always going to wonder why things turned out the way they did. Why some things lasted and others did not. But here’s the thing, love. It’s not quite as difficult as you’re making it. And there aren’t quite as many questions as you’re asking. So let’s make it nice and simple, ok? The right things last, love. Trust me. The right things will always last. ♥ // © 2019 LIVE IN THE DETAILS #werise https://www.instagram.com/p/B63MWauFffq/?igshid=rg7wffg3kaj2

Just so you know. ♥ // © 2019 LIVE IN THE DETAILS #werise https://www.instagram.com/p/B60Gzn3FGqI/?igshid=27jnkv7x1773

I hope you consider this day one. I hope you consider this the start of a new chapter. A new life. A clean slate. I hope you believe more and trust more and love more. I hope you work harder on the things that matter and less on the things the world has made you believe matter— that your dreams get out of your head and fueled by your heart and into your hands. I hope you consider this a new opportunity to let go. Of the things you have done. And wish you hadn’t done. Of the mistakes you’ve made along the way and people you’ve met that didn’t stay and mostly, of the life you planned but didn’t get. I hope you grow and change and find comfort in the person you’re becoming but aren’t yet. And will be. And were. I wish all of that for you, love, and then some. But as you wake in your corner of the world this January 1st, I hope above everything else that this year you realize what truly matters. What. Truly. Matters. Because yes, life is complicated. Yes, it has given you a lot of things you didn’t want and held back things you did. Yes, you still have questions and worries and real things you’re struggling with. But love? You’re always going to be somewhere on the spectrum of not-quite-there in this life. You’re always going to be outgrowing one life and not quite ready for the next. And you’re always going to have things that come for you on a random Tuesday and throw your life into a chaotic spin. And so— amidst all those growth and work and fitness and life plans you’ve made for this new year, don’t forget the one that really matters. The one you probably didn’t write down or talk about last night. The one that rises above everything else and should be at the heart of every choice you make this year. In 2020, love, just be happy. Don’t look for it or wait for it or postpone it. Just—be— happy. Today. And 364 days from today. Happy new year. ♥ // © 2019 LIVE IN THE DETAILS #werise https://www.instagram.com/p/B6xlnH8FDMG/?igshid=w5ovuamyljr3

I hope 2020 is the year you stop talking so much about 2019. Or 2018. Or 2017. I hope 2020 is the year you stop looking backward for answers and start looking forward with questions. I hope 2020 is the year you stop accepting less than you deserve and tolerating people who give that to you. I hope 2020 is the year you stop waiting. And start working. The year you get your dreams out of your head and out into the world where they can be real. And realized. I hope 2020 is the year you accept yourself and your life for what it is— and then work like hell to make it into whatever you want it to be. And then some. I hope 2020 is your year of living and growing— of changing and knowing. Happy New Year’s Eve, loves. May the last hours of 2019 be filled with joy. And peace. And reflection. And life. ♥ // © 2019 LIVE IN THE DETAILS #werise https://www.instagram.com/p/B6ulQs_F2lI/?igshid=ul1eiwujlgx2

Five days until we close the chapter on 2019. Just remember— time is all you’ve got, loves. Just time. See you in Paris! ♥ // © 2019 LIVE IN THE DETAILS #werise https://www.instagram.com/p/B6jXoPxFGHR/?igshid=jkqafb1dbuad

May your day be filled with— whatever it is. Yup. I said it. Whatever. It. Ends. Up. Being. You’ve got this, love. This day. This week. This life. May today be filled with experiences and laughter and people you love— or memories of people you love. So Merry Christmas, loves, to all of you out there celebrating this day. Be happy. Be joyful. Be merry. #liveinthedetails https://www.instagram.com/p/B6gT54rFSu1/?igshid=x8yzugpbkjeg

Merry Christmas. May the magic live both in your home— and in your heart this year. ♥ // © 2019 LIVE IN THE DETAILS [Book 2 is coming. And it’s got some big surprises. Stay tuned!] https://www.instagram.com/p/B6ewZJUFib7/?igshid=11dmmsujg8gp9