lina my dear

Fun scene between consenting adults.

I asked them if they'd step on me and I thought about it all week. I thought about the boots I'd seen them both wear at kink parties. I worked myself up all week thinking about how it would feel. I got nervous while at work and sent a text— is there anything I should bring?— they said no. 

We hung out for a while watched TV, caught up, and ate dinner. Then they pushed me into their bedroom. They stripped me down to my lingerie and told me they conveniently hadn't had time to wipe their boots and that I could do it. I sassed a bit because they didn't have saddle soap, and I'd brought some after being told to bring nothing. Sir ignored my sass and said that anticipating needs was the mark of a good submissive. Touche. 

As I lathered the soap sitting on the floor they made out on the bed, occasionally looking down to tell me I looked pretty tending to their boots. I was careful to pick out the gravel as I cleaned the treads. When I finished I held up the boots for inspection and Mx said "I'm okay as long as she is I don't care she's the one getting stepped on". I was frustrated not to get a good job but I was also galvanized to impress. 

Sir pushed me down to the ground using a strong grip on my neck. He had me pressed against the cold wood floor face down while they both put on their boots. Mx was wearing high heeled Docs and Sir regular Docs. Then a tentative pressure on my calf and then pressure on my bum. They alternated stepping increasing the pressure until Mx was standing on top of me partially supported by Sir's arms. They paused their stepping and kissed each other. I craned my neck to see but couldn't quite manage. Sir saw and flipped me onto my back. I stared up at them kissing and wanted so badly to be kissed all I could do was reach to hold onto their ankles. 

What ya looking at nerd?

I lost my mom about 3 weeks ago to suicide. I am not the same. I'm an only child; I flew into the city she lived in, cleaned out her apartment with the help of my partner and friends who flew in to support me, and made a memorial service. I returned to my apartment stayed home one day and then went back to work to chase a very big and very stressful deadline.

I took 5 days off from work in total. Returning to work has been hellish. Things finally slowed down yesterday. People keep asking if I'm alright and the answer is no. People keep saying we should forgive my mother and I don't even know what they're trying to say. I'm not mad or disappointed or anything about what she did. I'm sad and I miss her. I don't think it was selfish, she tried to stick around but couldn't. Tried to get a psych appointment but they gave her one like 6 weeks out a date that hasn't even come yet. I dunno. I'm kinda wrecked and angry but not at my mom.

I don't sleep well. I don't eat enough. People keep bringing me soup. My mom is dead I'm not sick. I don't want any fucking soup.

It was just me and her. I don't have a dad. I don't know how to be. It's so hard and it feel like aching all the time. My chest feels like the end of a crying spell all the time. My body is stressed my resting heart rate is higher than it was before this. I'm raw. I have little patience and no tolerance for inconvenience.

Grief is wild. I can go out and socialize as long as I can leave immediately upon deciding I'm done. But I won't go if the distance will take more than 25 minutes to get home from. Thank goodness I live in a dense city. My friends have been great. My community has rallied around me. I am so well supported but it is still so much and so hard.

It's all hard. So I'm not posting. But maybe I should be I don't know.