little star

#LITTLESTCR is a highly-selective & independent rp blog of RUE BENNETTT from hbo's euphoria. this blog will contain extremely mature subjects such as drug use, violence, mental illness, amoung other content that may be triggering to some. that being said minor's dni as for everyone else please be sure to read my rules and check my mains page for more information before interacting. ( pisces, 24 , EST )

her  question  makes  him  pause,  because  he  probably  should  feel  bad.  but  it’s  hard  to  find  the  guilt  underneath  that  need  for  her,  all-consuming  like  the  need  he  has  for  his  next  hit.  he’s  bad  at  this–  at  slowing  down  and  thinking  about  his  actions,  as  opposed  to  just  doing  whatever  feels  good  in  the  moment.  he  doesn’t  want  to  hurt  jules,  but  he  also  needs  rue,  fiending  for  her  almost.

her  face  is  so  close,  his  gaze  flickering  to  her  lips,  staring  at  how  full  and  perfect  they  are.  remembering  to  answer  her  question,  he  swallows  lightly.  it  becomes  even  more  difficult  when  her  hands  slide  against  his  neck,  touching  him  so  gently.  “no,  i  mean…  it’s  definitely  fucked  up.  i  don’t  know  why  i  said  that.”  his  eyes  are  heavy  with  lust  as  he  watches  her,  flickering  to  her  lips.

they’re  sitting  on  a  bathroom  counter  in  this  shitty  party,  high  from  the  lines  smeared  next  to  the  sink.  he  wants  to  press  her  up  against  the  mirror  and  kiss  her,  that  haziness  in  his  brain  only  making  things  worse.  “i  could  never  resent  you.”  it’s  the  truth–  rue  has  buried  her  way  into  his  heart  and  she’s  never  leaving,  no  matter  what  she  says  or  does.

the question always hung in her head, if she was a good person or not. there was once a time she really tried to be, just so she didn’t hurt the people around her...but then there were times like these, locked up in some bathroom talking about going behind her girlfriends back to do things that people who were ‘just friends’ probably wouldn’t even think about. but she’s selfish in this moment, all she can think about is how badly she wants to be close to him and feel his hands on her hips, kissing her sweetly like the first time. it’s not that she wants to hurt anyone, elliot or jules but longing for him was more than she could handle, always too quick to feed into whatever temptation felt good. it was different when she was near him though, it never felt one sided or like some kind of distraction. she could actually...talk to him about the fucked up shit going inside her head and he’d get it, he didn’t judge her or treat her like a ticking timebomb. for whatever stupid reason he actually liked her for who she was. she notes the way his gaze lingers on her lips, almost seeming as though he was too distracted to even think about jules or the fact they were probably making an even bigger mess of things. “because you meant it.” she points out with a shrug, fingers brushing against his smooth skin slowly. smile curls over her lips at his words, wanting to believe him because the way he says it makes it sound as though he believes it too. she might be a bit dazed, the euphoric tingle under her skin as the tension seems to build making it hard to breathe. she moves her hand lower, gently using her grip on his shirt to pull him closer. “then what can you feel for me?”

she  cradles  his  face  and  presses  her  nose  to  his  and  there  are  butterflies  in  his  stomach,  feeling  almost  light  headed  because  she’s  touching  him  like  this.  it’s  still  surreal  that  she  likes  him  back,  having  been  completely  prepared  for  his  feelings  to  go  unrequited.  it  also  makes  his  heart  clench,  the  way  she’s  talking  about  them,  like  she’s  desperate  to  make  this  work.

“i  get  that  we  completely  understand  each  other,  and  we  both  know  what  it’s  like  to  go  through  this  and  overdose…  so  maybe  it  could  work,  in  some  way.”  he  knows  he’s  a  fool  for  thinking  it,  let  alone  saying  it  out  loud.  his  tired  brown  eyes  gaze  into  hers,  his  hand  coming  up  to  cup  her  cheek  again,  holding  her  tenderly.  “but  i  also  don’t  want  to  take  you  down  with  me  every  time  i  fuck  up…  i  don’t  think  i  could  live  with  myself.”  it’s  his  worst  nightmare,  seeing  her  overdose  again  but  actually  dying.

his  words  are  cut  off  when  she  kisses  him,  soft  moan  in  his  throat  as  he  kisses  her  back,  heart  fluttering  at  how  soft  and  thorough  her  lips  are.  he  feels  like  he’s  on  fire  because  he  wants  her  and  it  only  gets  worse  when  she  voices  the  same  thing  out  loud.  he  moans  again,  more  turned  on  than  he  should  be  by  just  a  kiss.  “me  too…  i  really  fucking  need  you.”  his  voice  breaks  a  little,  consumed  by  how  much  he  loves  her.

it was foolish to think things would just work out, given her track record she knew better than to hold onto the fairytales she created in her mind, the idea that things were just gonna somehow turn out okay. but she wanted to try, she wanted to make things work because honestly? the idea of letting him go right now seemed a lot scarier than anything else. he basically died in her arms, witnessing the worst possible thing and the fact he was here right now, warm and raspy voice speaking to her as big brown eyes stare into her own. how could she ever leave him behind when he was the only person in her life to ever look at her this way.

rue’s smile drops only a little, thumb gently brushing against his smooth cheek. “we’re all fucked up...sure, some more than others...god knows the shit i put you through is an example of how bad someone can get.” she mumbles, tone lighthearted though a hint of guilt because really he didn’t deserve to be sucked into her life, her relationship and then turned into the bad guy when they all played some shitty role in all of it. she didn’t blame him fully or jules even...rue had a lot of her own really messed up shit and it was just a product of three people all ending up hurting each other in the end. but his hand feels nice against her cheek and she doesn’t want to miss the way his touch feels ever again. “i’m just saying that, i know it’s a long shot and it’s not going to be some perfect happy ending where you get clean tomorrow or that i won’t get the urge to to fall into that darkness again. i just don’t want to give up on you and maybe...we can get through this together. if you want.” she’s kind of nervous at her own words, feeling like she’s proposing or something, it feels stupid to have this much hope but it would be nice for something good to happen just once. “i know it’s a lot to ask...” she felt dizzy kissing him, feeling how soft and sweet his lips felt against her own the sounds he makes cause her body to feel hot, thoughts creeping into her mind she knows shouldn’t. now doesn’t feel like the time or place, after what happened but as she pulls away he tells her he needs her too, his whimpers should’ve probably been enough for her to see that though...she blushes a bit, biting down on her lower lip. “how are you not totally fucking drained from you know, almost dying.” she teases gently. in fairness she probably should be too but all that bullshit turned into adrenaline. her lips brushing gently against his for a moment.  “ do you think these hospital beds are even sturdy?”

“whatever  we  do…  jules  doesn’t  have  to  know.”

one-liner for @littlestcr

"and you’re just alright with that?” brown eyes flicker towards him. it was probably wrong and she knows that but the guilt doesn’t seem enough to really stop the thoughts occupying her mind right now especially when he looks at her with promising eyes. she really likes elliot though she knows she probably shouldn’t after everything she’d just been through with jules and these past few months, sneaking around with him would probably just fuel the flames already ignited but just once she would like to feel something again. her hands coming up to slide to his neck as fingers graze so gently against his smooth skin biting down on her bottom lip. “i just...don’t want you to like, resent me or something cause of this.”

he  loves  the  way  she  looks  at  him,  her  eyes  heavy  with  lust  as  he  cradles  her  jaw,  keeping  her  there  to  hold  his  gaze  as  he  slowly  shifts  his  hips  in  a  circle.  her  moans  are  hot  and  loud  in  his  ears,  making  him  twitch  inside  of  her.  “because  i’m  getting  off  on  the  sounds  you’re  making,”  he  purrs,  fingers  pinching  the  joint  to  hold  it.  he  leans  forward,  brushing  his  lips  over  hers,  a  ghost  of  a  kiss.  then  he  presses  into  it,  full  lips  moving  over  hers  with  urgency,  tongue  slipping  into  her  mouth  to  find  her  own.

he  slowly  rocks  his  hips,  stifling  a  groan  against  her  mouth  at  the  pleasure.  she’s  tight  and  wet  around  him  as  he  softly  fucks  her,  just  barely  moving  his  dick  inside  of  her.  their  lips  finally  part,  his  forehead  still  pressed  to  hers  as  he  catches  his  breath,  stilling  his  hips.  “how  long  do  you  think  you  can  last?”

she never imagined something so beautiful could feel like torture in ways where he looks at her with those lustful brown eyes and it’s suddenly harder to breathe. the length of him stretching her to where it’s almost agonizing knowing she can’t even budge as he rolls into her teasingly, mouth watering with anticipation and need. “shut up.” she chuckles softly, despite the fact her entire body is on fire, soft whimper escaping her lips and cheeks flushed as he leans in closer. she can smell the smoke still lingering on his lips, so soft against her own as her fingers slide against his neck. it takes her breath away, heart racing as if this was the first time all over again but her senses are heightened as she deepens the kiss, letting out a short moan as tongue tangles with his own enjoying the taste of him. 

she aches when he moves, a bit of a whimper leaving her lip as the tears build up in her eyes from overstimulation. she needs more and wants to feel him fuck into her until she can’t feel her legs but at the same time she’s almost enjoying it, it’s kind of addictive. he pulls back and her breathes are heavier than before, eyes soften as they look up into his gaze already missing his lips as she tries to listen to the words leaving his lips even though her thighs are trembling and cunt dripping. “i guess we’ll have to find out...” she mumbles. “but it’s hard not to need you right now.”  

it’s  hard  to  stop  kissing  her  when  she  pulls  back,  looking  up  at  her  with  wide  eyes.  he  has  no  idea  what  to  say–  he  was  the  one  who  kissed  her.  what  if  she  regrets  it  now,  realizing  it’s  a  bad  idea  just  like  he’d  feared?

when  she  confesses,  his  throat  goes  dry,  kind  of  amazed  at  her  words.  her  hand  is  still  on  his  cheek,  her  thumb  stroking  his  skin  and  making  his  heart  race.  she  touches  his  mouth,  making  him  shiver  a  little,  kind  of  at  a  loss  because  of  how  much  he  needs  her  right  now.

he  feels  so  much  for  her  that  his  entire  chest  aches,  feeling  like  it’s  going  to  cave  in.  “i…  really  love  you,”  he  admits  quietly,  leaning  his  cheek  into  her  touch,  lashes  fluttering.  “it’s  kind  of  like  i’ve  loved  you  since  i  first  saw  you,  i  guess.”  it’s  hard  to  describe  the  way  he  knew  they  were  going  to  be  connected  somehow,  from  the  second  he  restarted  her  heart.  “it’s  not  a  good  idea,”  he  agrees,  hating  how  it  makes  him  feel  just  saying  that.  “but  i  also  can’t  stop  wanting  you.”

it'd been a long and exhausting day for both of them, hell it’d been a whole year in fact. drama and drugs, nothing ever seeming to slow down or stop as they both descended into madness, both doing some pretty shitty things, both hurting each other in different ways but somehow it still brought them back here, to each other and she knows deep down he was always right about it probably not being a good idea but who said fates plans were always the best? sometimes things are meant to happen and it might seem a little wrong, or fucked up but it’s also the one thing that makes sense. elliot made sense, loving him made sense and if it wasn’t for him she wouldn’t be here today. though...she figures the favor has been returned now. her brown eyes meeting his, kind of hating that she’s not curled up to him in this bed right now, missing his warmth as her hands stay on his face, nudging nose against his. “i don’t want it to be a bad idea though...” she mumbles. “i guess we’d never be like, a normal couple even if we both got clean but i don’t think it would hurt too much to try?” she loves him and she knows that it’s kind of impossible to make him stop using until he’s ready but she also knows it won’t hurt to put that hope into his heart, make him realize she was willing to fight for him. rue knows that when she loves, she loves hard...it’s been kind of a downfall for her as of recent but elliot seemed worth it and she wasn’t ready to let all of that go. she closes her eyes for a moment, pressing another soft kiss to his lips for a short moment. sighing at the sweet taste. “i just want you...so bad.” she whispers against his mouth. “i need you.”

he’s  not  surprised  when  the  conversation  turns  back  to  jules’s  distrust  of  him,  mostly  because  the  blonde  had  never  seemed  entirely  convinced.  it’s  not  like  he  denied  that  he  wanted  rue–  if  anything,  he  basically  said  that  he  did.  but  it’s  not  just  that  he’s  into  her,  he  also  genuinely  enjoys  her  company  and  friendship  just  by  itself.  elliot’s  pretty  sure  rue  isn’t  into  him  back  and  never  will  be–  she’s  far  too  wrapped  up  in  the  enigma  that  is  jules,  loving  her  even  when  it  seemed  kind  of  pointless.

elliot’s  not  an  idiot–  he  sees  how  incompatible  the  girls  are  and  the  obvious  cracks  showing  in  their  relationship.  they  don’t  fit  together  at  all  and  it’s  sure  to  make  everything  come  crumbling  down  at  some  point.  but  despite  that,  rue  still  cares  deeply  for  jules  and  has  this  fixation  on  her  that’s  almost  impressive.  elliot’s  not  sure  he  could  ever  compete  with  that  and  he’s  also  fine  this  way–  just  being  her  friend.  he’s  lucky  enough  to  even  have  her.

but  jules  apparently  isn’t  fine  with  it  because  they’re  back  on  the  same  topic  again,  rehashing  what  they’ve  already  gone  over.  he  sighs  when  she  brings  it  up,  eventually  getting  around  to  asking  that  big  question.  he’s  kind  of  speechless  when  she  asks  it,  words  caught  in  his  throat  because  what  the  fuck  does  he  even  say  when  rue  is  right  there?  it’s  like  asking  for  a  fight  between  all  three  of  them.

elliot  isn’t  a  liar  and  most  of  the  time  he’s  brutally  honest  to  a  fault.  he  sits  there,  trying  to  figure  out  what  he  could  even  say  that  lessens  the  blow,  when  jules  starts  to  get  up  to  walk  off.  he  feels  bad  because  he  can  see  the  pain  in  her  eyes,  shining  with  unshed  tears.

his  gaze  focused  on  rue,  he  waits  for  her  to  get  up  and  chase  after  her.  when  she  doesn’t,  he  sighs  again,  waiting  for  her  question.  he  tries  again  to  find  the  words  that  will  lessen  the  blow  of  this  situation–  of  admitting  to  his  closest  friend  that  he  has  feelings  for  her  even  though  she’s  in  a  relationship.

“of  course  i  am,”  he  says  finally,  earnestly.  “how  could  i  not  be?”  the  words  feel  heavy  between  them,  impactful  in  ways  he’s  not  sure  she’s  ready  for.

this whole thing was all fucked up and rue sure as shit wasn’t high enough to deal with the collateral damage caused by teenage jealousy and a relationship already tainted long before elliot showed up. deep down somewhere she knows it’s wrong for both of her and jules. she loves jules with everything inside of her, she loves her but she never really forgave her for last year and rue wasn’t so sure she was in love with the other girl anymore. not the way she should be, not the way she once was and she knows that after today everything is going to change between all three of them forever. she’s just not sure on what outcome it was going to be. rue should’ve gone after her girlfriend, it was the right thing to do but for some reason she couldn’t convince herself to leave elliot. not after everything that was unsaid. jules had been right, in maybe more ways than she wanted to hear and now they were left cleaning up a mess that she wasn’t sure was anyone's fault really but she needs to hear it, needs the words said, she needs to know what she’s feeling is right and jules ran out for a good reason. mindlessly pressing her lips together, a reoccurring habit every time she caught herself looking at the boy for too long. there was just always something about him...something she couldn’t stay away from even if she wanted too. it feels dangerous to have him this close to her but it feels so right at the same time, like two souls bonded by an invisible string. you couldn’t break them apart for too long and so, when he admits it, it’s not his confession that surprises her. it’s the way he makes it sound as though she’s someone easy to love and that it’s the most obvious thing in the world. rue lets out a sigh, dropping her gaze as long leg dangles from his bed. “i could think of a few reasons why loving me is a bad idea.” a humorless tease at the fact she basically sent her girlfriend crying just now but that was just one thing among so many others. she finally looks back at him, trying to search for the words to say. shyness appearing in her cheeks as now all she can think about was how those eyes of his looked at her now knowing how he really felt. “why me? ignoring the whole...i pretty much almost died in your arms thing should be a total turn off.” genuine question, kind of hesitant to ask it but she just doesn’t see what he does, she’s pretty sure no one does.

[text]:  do  you  even  realize  how  hot  you  are?

[text]:  i  know  youre  with  jules  and  i’m  not  supposed  to  say  this  kinda  shit

[text]:  but  i  feel  like  you  dont  know  and  it  bothers  me

[text]:  you  looked  sexy  while  you  were  going  into  cardiac  arrest

[text]:  what  kind  of  person  looks  sexy  when  theyre  literally  dying?

⧽ ⠀ ⠀ ── ⠀ ⠀ @littlestcr  ( rue )  sent⠀ ⠀ ﹕ ⠀ ⠀ 💋

rue doesn’t really know what to expect when she sees her phone screen flash and elliot’s name is upside down on her screen. she was home alone tonight, jules and her fighting again over something stupid she said or did...honestly she fucking stopped keeping track because it seemed as though she was wrong a lot lately, she couldn’t even breathe at times without fucking it up and in come elliot. his presences always seemed comforting, cheering her up even without realizing it. you know, despite the drugs and shit. anyway, she finally reaches out for her phone, unlocking it and opening her messages just to be completely caught off guard from what she’s reading, having to do a double take almost as brown eyes stare into her phone. did he really think she was hot or was he just talking out of his ass right now? there’s no way he actually thought that since the night they met considering she was on the brink of possible death let alone at all. at least it’s not something she’s heard very often and it’s not like rue is insecure or at least she care to think too deeply on it anyway, just one of many flaws to add to that long list. rue gets into her head again, realizing she still has to text elliot back...trying to ignore the fluster in her cheeks as she reads over it again. [text]: has anyone ever told u you’re full of shit? [text]: how high r u? [text]: like are you serious right now? [text]: is this some kind of dare to see if i have a secret crush on you?

she’s kind of freaking out internally, trying to figure out what the hell he meant by all this while also wondering why her heart was racing this fast. it’s not like she actually had a secret crush on him or anything...it’s not like the idea of him saying all of this was currently giving her butterfiles either.

he  blows  smoke  from  his  joint  to  the  side,  groaning  softly  at  the  way  her  soaking  cunt  clenches  around  his  dick.  she’s  whimpering  too,  pressing  her  face  into  his  neck,  clinging  to  him  so  he  can  feel  every  inch  of  her  on  his  body.  it  feels  good,  having  her  wrapped  around  him  like  this,  her  legs  straddling  him  as  his  dick  fills  her.  she’s  tight  and  it  makes  him  moan  every  time  she  shifts,  her  slick  covering  his  balls  and  thighs.  he  wants  to  thrust  into  her  and  chase  that  pleasure,  feel  her  walls  against  his  throbbing  cock.

“i  know,  baby,”  he  murmurs  against  her  ear,  using  his  free  hand  to  stroke  her  bare  back  soothingly.  “but  imagine  how  good  it’s  going  to  feel  when  you’re  desperate.”  he  pulls  back  a  little  to  gaze  into  her  eyes,  hand  moving  to  cup  her  jaw.  he  shifts  his  hips  in  a  gentle  circle,  moving  his  dick  inside  of  her  and  just  barely  fucking  her  in  and  out.  his  lashes  flutter,  moan  falling  from  his  lips  at  how  perfect  she  feels,  her  cum  gushing  at  the  base  of  him.

soft whimper falls past her lips, her fingers kind of hooked into the back of his shirt as if she’s holding onto him for dear life. truth be told it kind of felt like it. she’s never felt this needy before, her body felt like it was almost begging for his movements at this point, having to control her desire for him had been driving her crazy since they started doing this. not sure if she hates she agreed to it or is totally in love with the idea of pushing themselves over the edge until it feels so good they can’t take it anymore. his words send shivers down her spine, calling her baby like that so close to her ear, soothing touch as if he wasn’t the reason her thighs felt so tense, hips begging for permission to move but not wanting to give in until he said she could. “i’m always desperate.” she says teasingly against his skin just before he pulls her back, somehow making it even more frustrating than before because now she has to look at him. his eyes brown and big, slightly dazed from the high he was on. his lips pink, plump, nursing a joint between them and normally she wasn’t sure she’d find that as hot as she does right now with him buried inside of her, soaking cunt dripping wet down his length. her cheeks become flushed when his hand reaches for her face, a shaky moan falling past her lips feeling him start to move inside her, feeling those tears build up in her eyes as she whimpers from the feeling. “fuck why do you have to tease me like that?”

he  spent  so  much  time  thinking  rue  would  never  like  him  like  this  that  it’s  almost  jarring  when  she  kisses  him  back,  soft  lips  moving  over  his  slowly.  he  moans,  tilting  his  head  to  kiss  her  more  deeply,  massaging  their  lips  together.  her  mouth  is  soft,  pliant  under  his,  so  gentle  that  it  takes  his  breath  away.

her  palms  press  into  his  cheeks  and  her  hair  tickles  his  face,  making  his  heart  race  in  his  chest.  he  can’t  believe  rue  is  kissing  him  like  this,  letting  his  tongue  taste  her,  leaning  into  him  like  she  wants  him  or  even  needs  him.  it’s  everything  he’s  ever  dreamed  of,  because  she’s  everything  to  him.  his  entire  body  is  warm  and  tingling,  his  kisses  growing  deeper  and  more  desperate  as  he  chases  that  feeling.  this  is  better  than  any  high  he’s  ever  gotten  and  he  can’t  get  enough.

he  never  thought  he’d  get  this  and  feel  her  like  this–  taste  her  lips.  she’s  everything  to  him,  crowding  his  every  thought,  stealing  his  heart  away.  he  wants  her  so  badly  that  it’s  hard  to  breathe,  not  wanting  to  part  from  her  lips  because  he’s  afraid  it’ll  end  and  they’ll  realize  this  is  wrong  somehow.

the night had been a lot to take in all at once, especially after getting sober. she almost lost her best friend to the same thing that’s nearly killed her more times than she’d like to count, feeling his body go limp in her arms and almost praying that this was some kind of terrible nightmare she’d wake up from. though things hadn’t exactly gone as she had hoped and this was all very much her reality he was still alive, whatever miracle or bullshit god it was, she was grateful. it’s how this whole thing ends that surprises her. he just kissed her, capturing her lips with his love and knocking her off her feet. the sound he makes has her heart pumping, all the senses in her body aware and begging for him in ways she never thought possible. she longed for this moment, so many times she’d wonder if she would ever get to kiss him again...just like the first time. his hands felt warm against her cheek, making her feel even warmer inside her heart as she kissed him back with a deepness she’d never been capable of before. rue only pulls away to catch her breath, though reluctant to pull back from elliot for even a second, eyes soften as she looks down at him for a moment and tries to figure out what the hell to even say. was doing this even a good idea? it felt right...it’s not like she regrets it but he’s currently in the hospital right now due to an overdose and she’s a recovering addict who was lucky to even be alive right now...but she also couldn’t imagine letting go of this feeling again. the one she ignored for so long when she was high, when she was with jules...all of it. “i think i might’ve accidently falling in love with you.” the confession rings out. “all i could think about when i held you in my arms was that future you promised for us. i never wanted anything so bad in my life then to just...” she sighs, hand cupping his cheek as her thumb brushes against his lip. “hold you in my life and tell you that i came back tonight because needed you in my life. i know maybe it’s not the best idea on paper but i also know i can’t breathe without you here.”

he  takes  a  hit  from  his  joint,  pinching  it  between  his  thumb  and  fore  finger,  a  soft  moan  leaving  his  lips  as  rue  jostles  against  him,  making  his  dick  shift  inside  of  her  tight  cunt.  “fuck…”

they  have  something  playing  on  his  monitor  across  the  room  but  neither  of  them  seem  to  be  able  to  pay  attention  because  he’s  cockwarming  her,  his  long  length  pressed  all  the  way  inside  of  her,  feeling  her  slick  dribbling  out  against  the  base  of  his  dick.  she’s  so  wet  it’s  hot,  hearing  how  she  whimpers  when  he  just  barely  shifts,  a  long  pleasured  sigh  leaving  his  full  lips.  “can  you  be  good  for  me?  don’t  move  too  much  and  maybe  i’ll  fuck  you.”

⧽ ⠀ ⠀ ── ⠀ ⠀ @littlestcr  ( rue )  sent⠀ ⠀ ﹕ ⠀ ⠀ for our muses to engage in cockwarming.

she’d never been exactly good at self control for obvious reasons there was no point in getting into right now. however, this had to be one of the mot agonizingly amazing feelings she’s ever experienced. the feeling of elliot buried inside of her like this, spreading her apart and making her feel weak in the knees as legs straggle his lap. the agonizing part? not being able to move against him. there’s a light whimper falling past her lips, trying her best to control her movements but also unable to help the way her hips move, jolting a little and causing him to moan too. it was fucking embarrassing how badly she wanted him to fuck her, truly having her wrapped around him in more ways than one. “fuck this is driving me crazy.” she almost whimpers burying her face in the crook of his neck, clenching around him a little as she tries her best to catch her breath. “fuck i want you to fuck me so bad.” she whispers. but she tries her best to do as she’s told, fighting every muscle in her body not to move too much despite the fact she was completely soaked at this point

“i  won’t,”  he  says  immediately,  her  forehead  pressing  against  his  and  her  hands  on  his  cheeks.  he  can  feel  the  spot  where  she  kissed  him,  skin  tingling,  entire  body  warm  at  her  touch.  “thank  you…  for  finding  me.”  the  words  feel  vulnerable  in  the  quiet  room,  even  more  so  because  she’s  so  close.  he  leans  into  her  touch,  loving  how  she’s  holding  him.  

his  eyes  flicker  to  hers,  enjoying  the  way  she  looks  at  him  and  how  she  grasps  his  face  like  he’s  her  whole  world.  his  heart  is  beating  in  his  chest,  gaze  moving  to  her  lips,  suddenly  kind  of  needing  them.  he  closes  the  distance,  sealing  his  mouth  to  hers,  feeling  how  soft  her  lips  are  against  his.  lashes  flutter  shut,  muffled  sigh  in  his  throat  as  he  kisses  her  softly,  entire  body  buzzing  with  need  for  her.

rue  is  really  pretty  and  it’s  hard  to  forget  it,  looking  at  her  like  this,  her  face  flushed  as  she  holds  onto  his  hand.  he’s  always  found  her  beautiful,  even  with  disheveled  un-brushed  hair  and  sweat  and  imperfections  on  her  skin.  rue  kind  of  has  an  effortless  beauty,  like  she  doesn’t  care  what  people  think  about  it  and  maybe  doesn’t  even  realize  it  herself.  she  looks  so  good  right  now,  even  exhausted  from  the  night.  it’s  like  he  can  tell  she’s  clean,  her  face  brighter  and  her  curls  beautiful.  his  heart  kind  of  flutters  at  what  she  says  and  the  way  her  thumb  brushes  tentatively  over  his.  “then  you  should  keep  touching  me,”  he  breathes,  eyes  flickering  to  hers,  holding  her  gaze  there.  he  brushes  the  side  of  her  hand  with  his  thumb,  gently  caressing  her  skin,  not  breaking  eye  contact.

it’s  alarming  to  him,  how  her  tears  start  flowing  while  she’s  speaking,  opening  up  her  heart  to  him  like  she  never  has  before.  he  wants  it–  wants  them  to  be  closer,  more  vulnerable.  which  is  kind  of  crazy,  considering  they  already  felt  pretty  vulnerable  to  begin  with.  it  was  like  they  could  talk  about  anything,  from  stupid  shit  to  serious  things,  and  elliot  never  had  to  worry  about  her  judgement.  but  there  were  still  parts  of  him  that  he  held  close,  not  ever  revealing,  maybe  out  of  fear  that  she’d  leave  him  like  everyone  else  always  did.  or  worse,  stop  caring  like  they  had.  he’d  been  dangerously  close  to  causing  that  when  he’d  fucked  everything  up,  and  even  though  letting  her  go  was  for  the  best,  it  hadn’t  felt  like  it.  it  was  all  far  too  much,  pushing  him  even  further  down  the  path  he  was  on,  making  it  hard  to  stand  being  sober  for  any  length  of  time  anymore.

it  hurts,  being  forced  to  face  how  he’d  made  her  feel,  finding  him  like  that.  he  can’t  imagine  what  a  nightmare  it  would  be  if  rue  had  died,  and  even  though  he’d  almost  lived  it  in  the  laundry  room  that  day,  it’d  be  a  thousand  times  worse  now  that  they’re  in  each  other’s  hearts  forever.  “i’m  so  sorry,”  he  whispers,  swallowing.  “i  fucked  up…  i…  i  really  didn’t  mean  for  it  to  go  that  far.”  voice  is  strained,  broken,  his  fingers  tightening  in  hers.  “i  want  to  stop,  but  i  don’t  know  if  i’m  strong  enough  for  this  shit.”  it’s  the  truth,  naked  and  bare.  “but  i  don’t  want  to  hurt  you.”  he  blinks  away  the  tears,  glancing  off  for  a  moment.

“i  love  you  too,”  he  finally  says,  softly.  “and  i  hated  losing  you.  even  if  it  was  the  right  thing  for  us  to  stop  being  friends.”