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Sometimes your submissive will have trouble finding herself. She will have trouble submitting and she will need you to “re-set” her. “Have you tried unplugging her and plugging her back in again ?” …Ok, maybe not. So how do you re-set a submissive? Especially one who wants to submit, but needs to feel your authority deeply before she can let go ?

Have you tried a hard, fast, no nonsense spanking? Maybe you only think you have. Was it the type where she begins to experience the intense desperation associated with a very real spanking? This is not impact play that she loves. And this is not a hand warm up with a progression into discipline.

This is different. You will need to start hard & fast and keep it sustained over time. How: Think 4-6 minutes of paddle or hairbrush, medium to heavier-medium strength, on a mostly cold bottom, at a pace a little slower than the rate of CPR. (If you think extra sting would be helpful, put some lotion on her bottom first.) This will overwhelm her cognitive control and will eventually lead to the inevitable tears she needs to release.

She needs you to overwhelm her brain’s ability to remain in control and think through the sensations and pain. Her re-set happens when her emotional brain takes over because her logical brain couldn’t adjust quickly enough to the situation. If she needs to lose control. If she needs to re-set, to resubmit, to adjust her headspace, her emotional brain must take over.

Tears, loss of control and resetting doesn’t necessarily come from more pain—it comes from losing the ability to manage. Starting hard and staying there removes the sub’s coping window before the mind can organize, which allows the release and re-set.

Some people hear “I like pain” and think that means I like being lightly spanked and told I’m a good girl.

Don’t get me wrong — I like being a good girl. But that’s not what I mean.

When I say I like pain, I don’t mean I like it soft. I don’t mean I like it ornamental. I don’t mean I want to be gently bruised just enough to say we did something edgy before cuddling for two hours.

I mean I want to feel it.

I mean I want to breathe through it. Bite through it. I want the kind of pain that makes me forget everything else — because nothing else in my life slows my brain down the way a hand around my throat or a belt across my thighs can.

I don’t want it for show. I don’t want it to impress anyone. And I don’t want it to be performative for you. I want it to mean something to me.

I like pain that makes me let go. Pain that makes me cry — not because it’s too much, but because it’s exactly enough. Pain that makes me trust you in a way I can’t explain without sounding unwell.

Das hast du verdient hier in der Turnhalle

The caregiver is so calm.

The little expresses remorse.

It ends in tears.

The pull-up not pulled down, but wedgied to reveal more skin but keep the little protected from accidents.

The time that the caregiver takes to adjust the little to deliver effective strokes.

The communication!!!!!!!!! He’s always talking, and she’s listening.

need this right now :((

How would you explain what a spanking feels like, to someone who might not have experienced one before?

This is, by the way, an excellent essay assignment for those who enjoy school roleplay. Something to write about before receiving a detention room whacking, or whilst sitting on a sore bottom afterwards.

Take a moment, see what materialises in your own mind. Perhaps you'll add your thoughts to the bottom of this post.

Personally, I would describe a spanking as an eroticised trust fall.

I wouldn't try to explain the sensations of a smacked bottom, the sting, the heat, and the throbby soreness. Partly because I've little personal experience of what that actually feels like, but mostly because I don't regard soreness as the defining aspect of a spanking. I could quite easily spank extremely lightly, with smacks that tease and tantalise, rather than whacks that made a bottom burn. But every spanking involves consent and trust.

I'd ask them to imagine standing in front of someone they trust, and being told to unbutton their jeans. How do you think that would feel?

Can you feel yourself teeter, your balance unsteady, as your nervous fingers fiddle with the button?

What if you were told to pull your jeans down? Right down to your knees. Yes, you'd reveal your underwear, and the bulge of your most intimate places. They might even notice a wet patch if you've got all excited. Are you ready to be that vulnerable?

It's scary, isn't it? But inexplicably alluring.

Can feel how each step, each act of compliance, is getting you closer and closer to having your bottom smacked?

Why don't you ask for it? Remember to be polite and say please. This isn't something that usually happens, is it? You're giving up control, putting yourself in someone else's hands.

What will you ask for?

"Please may I have a good hard spanking?"

or

"Please may I have a good hard spanking on my bare bottom?"

Your choice of words might result in your underwear tumbling down.

Say it. Say it aloud now. Can you feel the power in those words?

Can you feel the sands of reality beginning to shift beneath your toes? These are unusual, powerful feelings. Undeniably exciting and arousing feelings.

Are you ready to bend over their lap? Are you ready to let go? To succumb to gravity, to tremble, and fall?

Don't worry, they'll catch you.

It really is the most beautiful fall. You'll feel your tummy flutter, and your head go floaty, as for one magic moment, you're suddenly weightless.

Soon, you'll be aware of a warm hand on your bottom, rubbing, patting, perhaps even fondling. You have been caught, and soon their lap will feel like the safest place in the whole world.

I’m quite deep in the closet about this, as it’s literally my only… well, it’s not even a fetish, because I’m not interested in sex. I’m very shy about my fascination. If anyone in my life ever found out, I’d deny it to my last breath. I’m secretive and shy about it. But if you were to take a sledgehammer to my secret inner mind fortress and open the diary buried inside of it, this is what it would say:

*Deep breath in*… God, I just love spanking so much. I adore being put OTK, having my bottom bared, and just… rrrgh. But it’s more than that, way more.

 I love the language of spanking. Nearly every word and phrase associated with it. “Bare bottom”, put you over my knee, across my lap, you’re going to be punished, paddled, a good paddling, naughty girl, all those words. I love when a spanker talks to me. God, I love that so much. The anticipation it builds. “When we get home, you’re getting a spanking.” Say it to me directly or indirectly. I’ll make a smartmouthed comment (it’s what I’m known for), someone else chuckles. “That’s very sassy” they say, laughing. “Oh, don’t worry,” you say, calmly, smiling, “when we get home, she’ll be getting a good spanking.” Or perhaps a bit more playful? “Aren’t you going to reprimand her for that?”

“No, that’s alright. When we get home, she’ll be spending some quality time over my lap.”

“No, but later on, I think my hand will be spending some time getting acquainted with her bottom.”

 I’m an absolute compliment-slut when it comes to spanking, you have no idea. “You have such a cute little bottom, so round and plump, I’m going to enjoy spanking those cheeks of yours. Oh, you had better get comfortable, young lady, because this little bottom is going to be on fire by the time I’m through, probably long before I’m through.” My heart catches in my throat just to type it. 

I love the costumes that come with spanking. Me in my school uniform and the spanker in a button-down dress shirt and tie. A button-down sweater is fine, too, as is a regular sweater, but only if it’s over a dress shirt. Bonus points if he’s wearing a suit jacket. Oh and if he’s in a sweater-vest? Knockout, game over, you win. Please lecture me, Mr. Suit, make you address you as Mr. so-and-so. You are my professor, or my strict legal guardian (I’m not into family relations; there’s a history of abuse there). And how could I forget pajamas? A bedtime spanking? Yes please! “Alright, it’s 7 PM. Go upstairs and change into your PJ’s. I’ll be up shortly to warm your bottom.”

 I love the implements of spanking. The hand will always be my favorite, but a paddle is beautiful, a hairbrush is wonderful. I’ve only been caned once, and it was divine. Straps and tawses frighten me, but you know what? I think with the right person, I could take it. He’d have to really talk me through it, tell me how much he cared for me beforehand, and during, he would have to tell me every few strokes how much he loved doing this to me and how proud he was that I was taking it like a good girl. But even then, I really, really think I would need to be tied down in some way. Wrists tied to the bedpost at the very least. … Jesus, I would love to be OTK while my wrists were bound to the bed. “You can’t keep your hands away, so I’m going to have to tie them up. Now we’re going to start over again.” Thermometering? Yes, please! I’ve never tried it and it frightens me, but… I think I need it.

I love the intimate positioning of spanking. OTK is my very favorite, but I’d really love to be on a bed, hips propped up high by a pillow or two, having a riding crop taken to me. I love that light tapping they sometimes do right before giving a sudden, sharp swat with it.

But my biggest, most shameful, yet most desired aspect of the spanking world is… rubbing.

 I. Effing. Love. Rubbing. 

What I specifically mean is I adore having my bottom rubbed.  I’d walk ten miles for ten minutes of it. It’s just… ohh, I can’t even. Slow, gentle caresses, as though appraising my bottom, admiring its softness, it’s roundness, and he’s very much approving of what he sees. Speaking to me now and then, or just murmuring to himself “oh yes… yes, this is a beautiful bottom… I could spank these cheeks all day…” or, maybe, if the time is right, something far more shameful- “you’ve been very, very naughty… say it. … Yes, very good, and what happens to naughty girls? … That’s right, they get spanked. And how are they spanked? … Say it. Say it. … that’s right, on their bare bottoms. … Tell me what you deserve. … Yes, yes, you do. Now say ‘please sir, please spank my bottom. … say it.”

 I long to hear “now this is going to be a very long spanking, so I’m going to lotion your bottom before we start. No, no, you’re not going to do it- I am. Come over here.”. I think I might just drop dead on the spot if I heard that. 

I have a deep need for an aftercare routine which involves being OTK as he gently rubs cooling cream over my sore pink cheeks. It would be a dream come true if part of my punishment was “a good spanking on a well oiled bottom. Have you ever had one? Well you’re about to get one. Bring me that bottle, young lady.” I remember once during a spanking, the guy stopped to lecture me and he rested his hand gently on my bottom while he spoke. I absolutely go wild for that. Need it. Got to have it. And rubbing in between spanks… well that goes without saying. Yes, yes, one million times yes. 

That’s… everything. The honest truth, all laid out in black and white. My secret shame, right there. I love it and I hate that I love it, but I know that I couldn’t stop wanting it even if I tried (and believe me, I have tried). 

Please think kindly of me. This was very difficult to admit.

I want to be stubborn. He’ll tell me to do something – apologize, call him Daddy, stand in the corner – and I won’t. I’ll say “no” and double down in my refusal by crossing my arms and looking away.

He’ll grab me by wrist, yank me over his knee, and spank me hard. The kind of spanking that doesn’t give me a chance to catch my breath.

I’ll whine and argue in response to his scolding but I won’t give in. Not until he makes me – really makes me – because he’s outlasted my pride and I can’t take anymore. Not because I’m worried about not being fun, my skin breaking, being played out too early, or some other practical consideration.

Communication is key with your partner. If you're not telling them what works and what doesn't, then you're going to have a bad time.

If your partner is only focused on sex sex sex then they aren't a good partner. 85-90% of BDSM has nothing to do with sex.

If you're unsure of what your hard limits are, then do some self exploration to see what you are into. Learn your body and how it reacts to things. If you don't like doing it to yourself, then you sure as hell won't like someone else doing it.

Don't be afraid to make mkstakes. It will happen you just kinda have to learn from them.

You have to be comfortable talking about your body and your partners body.

If it's not a "fuck yes" it's a "fuck no". Enthusiastic, well informed consent is a must anything other than that is potentially dangerous.

Make sure that your partner isn't trying to coerce you into something that you don't want to do that could be sexual, it could be behavioral if you said no that's the end of it. If it's a maybe then let them know you need some time to think about that before you agree.

A dominant partners "power" or "control" only exists because the submissive has ALOWED for them to exert that control.

If a submissive partner revokes that by using a safeword that power or control, it gets put on hold until the submissive ALOWS for the dynamic to continue.

Both the dominant partner and submissive partner can end a scene at any time for any reason. Hell, it could be your nose itched. Any reason is a valid and good reason to stop.

Aftercare for both partners is a must.

I think this is a marvellous rule!

"No panties to be worn over a smacked bottom"

If a couple are the only two in their home, there's no reason why spanked cheeks shouldn't be on display at all times. It will ensure the loving lesson that was imprinted on the recipient's bottom remains very much in the forefront of both partners' minds.

It's also a great way for the spankee to get comfortable with domestic nakedness, as they'll be walking around with their slit or penis on display too. It is an acknowledgement that underwear is a privilege that can be easily withdrawn, and a reminder the side of them that gets spanked is literally out in the open. A spanked bum is a gift that should not be hidden.

Even during winter, when homes might be cooler, a spankee can wear a special pair of Spanking Tights with holes cut out to expose not just their bottom marks, but their genitals too.

When going out in public, or when visitors are due at home, the spankee will be allowed the modesty of a dress, skirt, or trousers. But what I love about spanked bottoms is how they can completely change the recipient's perception of reality.

Suddenly it's as if everyone the spankee encounters can recognise their distinctive smacked bottom walk. They'll have the uneasy yet inexplicably arousing feeling that somehow strangers are aware they're not wearing any panties. And more embarrassing, they'll feel everyone can sense the glow of their naughty pink cheeks.

Of course the only one who really knows is their partner. It is extremely satisfying (and arousing too) for a top to hold the hand of their partner, knowing that behind their innocent-looking appearance, they're bare and spanked beneath their clothes. And to know that they are completely responsible for all of it.