TheSheRunner

I don’t like dealing with these kind of emotions or should I say any emotions at all. I would try to keep them hidden from the world by acting like things never happened. Or the best thing about being an athlete is that I get to lose myself when I go for a long run, a workout, or shoot around. It’s a great emotional outlet where I don’t need to talk or express myself to anyone. 

And to show you how much I wanted to avoid the whole situation I book the 14 hours flight instead of the 5 hours. It gave me all the time in the world to prepare myself to what was about to come. 

When I say what was about to come I was referring to everyone hugging and asking me how I am doing. Strangers will approach me sharing their condolences and try to make small talk and fairly I don’t want to hear any of that sh*t. 

Some of you might say I’m running away but I’m not. Seriously! I just have a weird mechanism to cope with emotional situation. And a funeral is like welcome to awkward and uncomfortable conversation land. 

Plus, what do you say? What do you respond? It’s not a situation either individual want to put themselves in. For me, it’s simple. I just avoid eye contact and if I can’t, then I just nod, smile, and through from time to time a “oh yah!”, “really”, “ok.” As if I was listening or had anything to say. 

Yes, yes, yes — I acknowledge that someone, somewhere on this planet is also losing a person dear to them but, let’s face it. I am not complaining, I’m venting. I am literally writing bunch of foolishness so I can get it out of my head. I haven’t been sleeping much since hearing the news and it is not like I was sleeping much before that. Anyhow, that’s not the point. I just need to vent. If it is not to someone at least my laptop. 

Well, if you all want to know. It feels hella good. 

Goodnight.

-xoxo-