glorious happenings of happenstance

Please god give us ONE episode of 911 season 8 without him

So I manifested this

Please he looks so rancid in these like he smells like blood, garlic, and old man gingivitis😭😭😭😭

"I get fatter when we break up" girl you were living on RATS, who are you fooling, emaciated bitch 😭

lestat somehow ends up having beef with taylor swift because she released the 15th version of her new album the same day the vampire lestat album came out and made it go number two on the charts. his fans are mad and they say she’s not a ‘girl’s girl’ because they think lestat is secretly using she/her pronouns. this causes MAD discourse on twitter because people say lestans (official name of his fandom) are co-opting struggles of real trans/genderqueer artists and that lestat is clearly just a cis white man who thinks his aesthetic is cool and hip with the times but he’s actually super cringe. lestat has killed his pr team so he tweets himself in response to the drama and says that mademoiselle swiftié is a perfectly fine musician but she’s basically a baby compared to his long relationship with music. swifties ratio him on twitter calling him ‘an old queen’ and ‘world’s worst father’ (this is because they read international bestseller interview with the vampire). lestat has an emotional breakdown and cries for three days and he eats his makeup artist for making him look old. his producers are desperate and they ask daniel molloy to fix him because daniel is the unofficial vampire therapist now. vampire daniel’s idea of fixing lestat is to go on a blood bender with him. somehow this works because in between victims daniel tells lestat to stop being a little bitch and grow the fuck up. here lestat understands for the first time why daniel and louis are friends and asks daniel to telepathically call louis for him because he needs him. daniel tells him to eat shit. as they return to lestat’s shack (yes he still lives there when he’s not touring) they find out that swifties have doxxed him and showed up to the shack to ravage it. lestat starts crying again while daniel falls over himself laughing and records everything and posts it on tiktok. armand likes the video 0.3 seconds after it’s posted. throughout all of this louis is on a beach somewhere enjoying a quiet night, he telepathically asks daniel how lestat’s doing and daniel tells him to not even worry about it.

obsessed with Lestat writing and singing songs about his divorce while he's still wearing a wedding ring

lestat literally remembered the specific phrase louis used to describe oral sex over a century ago and he said “you know what would be an awesome lyric to include in my first single?” he is the most normal girl in the world

I would be so sick of Lestat if I were Louis because imagine you hooked up with an old fling before he went off to war and then an entire century later your ex-husband situationship (who hates ‘sharing’ you even though he was the one originally fucking other people) writes a song in which he mockingly asks if you’ll give him “some face” as “a souvenir”. like shut the fuck up man we’re not even back together but I’ll leave you again if you keep it up