These past fews days, I gotta admit, it was hard. I've been thinking so much about our exchange, and I consulted with a few closest friends and strangers. I did my best to remain unbiased—I told both of our faults, because it would be unfair if I only told the story from my side. It doesn't matter which side they picked, all I wanted was to get outside perspective and I got to somehow understand where you're coming from. I learned few things from them: they gave me a new perspective on things, pointed out our right's and wrong's, and lastly, what we could do to keep our relationship intact.
You see, you told me you should've left the first time you saw a red flag from me, that you shouldn't have ignored it. You stayed because you think I can change, and accepted any bullshit reason I have. You got tired, and eventually led you to not listening to what everything I say. But to be honest, I also saw some red flags a few months in our relationship, to the point I almost ended things with you. Only minor stuff, but it still count as red flags. (You can't have a dollar without cents, right?) You got mad at me because you said you can't build a relationship if you know the other person will give up easily. That's when I told myself to not give up when things get rough. You just need someone to understand why you're acting in such ways, and I compromised.
Maybe the difference between us is, you think I broke too many promises because I told you I'll change and thought I'm doing nothing. You're tired of giving me chances to prove myself. While I, on the other hand, kept on believing you have the potential to change, even when I think there's no hope at all. You did change though, little by little. And I believe I do, too.
It's kind of contradicting, you know. It took you numerous times before the change, and it ruined my mood every single time because I can't get what I want. You asked me if can't I wait because you can't adjust in an instant. That moment was an eye opener, to be honest. I was astounded in that short span of time and thought to myself, there's nothing to lose, so why not? Ever since then, every time we would have a fight and you would tell me you'll do better, I always hold on to that thought: that I need to be patient in order for you to make room for change, that I'll wait for you. Unfortunately, when it comes to me, you got tired of me making up excuses and telling you I will make a change. Hooray for sweet words but no action. I know for a fact I'm making small progresses—and it's better than none at all. But you can't really convince someone to see your improvements if they're too focused on your flaws.
I guess we just have different capacities and tolerance. I'm also tired—tired of waiting, tired of hoping, tired of making excuses to myself that someday it will be worth it. But I'm still here, tryna understand everything.
stormborns
ellievsbear
kianamaiart
prguitarman
