the other day all my coworkers were talking about the various wack diets they're on and I went "nahhhh I'm on the Seafood Diet" and the lady next to me goes "oh, what's that?" and i was so shocked by actually getting a chance to deliver the punchline on that ancient gag that i barely even remembered to say it

as a child i assumed that martha’s vineyard was a fancy private vineyard owned by martha stewart and the reason rich people vacationed there was because they were friends with martha

i hate it when i cant even write a poem about something because its too obvious. like in the airbnb i was at i guess it used to be a kids room cause you could see the imprint of one little glow in the dark star that had been missed and painted over in landlord white. like that's a poem already what's the point

you get it. you get the themes. i dont have time to do it justice. just look at it its on the ceiling

i have been noticing recently that people younger than me are too sensitive, while people older than me are not sensitive enough. which, if i'm correct, should be taken as a sign that the total reality penetration vortex is operating as intended -- within as few as five or six generations we may very well be producing babies who can directly perceive the wound at the heart of the world

You ask ppl to explain how men are oppressed under the patriarchy and they’re like ummmm well men are expected to be competent and capable and reasonable. Oh the horror