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@littleheaarts
*cracks my head on the wall* you're a failure! you're a failure! you're a failure! die die die die die why does everything suck why am i disabled why why why why why why why all i want to do is take care of my family and instead i feel like i made it worse kms
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screams at myself and rots in the lonely little corner i created for myself
wooooooooo has to take a gabapentin because i just got an extremely violent self harm impulse wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
hm.
lays down. sighs. sighs. sighs. sighs. sighs. sighs.
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i could eat myself alive
cracks my skull open and lets my entire being bleed out onto the concrete bc im never going to find a spot of comfort in my life ever and i will be lucky if i eat. one time most days
sighs. sits. stares at the wall blankly. hates myself and cries.
cries over and over and over i'm so sick of this cycle buys fast food -> not enough resources -> out of food and starving buy groceries -> not enough energy to physically cook myself something because i didn't have anything easy to help me get the energy TO cook -> out of food and starving might as well just fucking kill myself and get it over with before i have another damn seizure since we all know my threshold for those goes down when my blood sugar is shot :)
i want. to die. so. fucking. bad.
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it is becoming increasingly more apparant as i get older that i will likely never reach any of the places i wanted to in life. it seems more and more like each passing day that doing the day to day becomes more hard just money wise.
at this point i dont think i could ever buy a house one day if i even wanted to. things even my older siblings have had success with. i am about 80% convinced i will be nearly 40 or older before i can get married which makes me so heartbroken because i WANT to marry both my partners now T-T
even other awful thing thats been getting to me is like. im finally at a point in my life where i actively want to start a family and potentially have kids at some point but that truly feels like I Will Never Get There and
idk i have become so cynical. i want to be here with my family and partners. i wouldnt want to be anywhere else. but it truly feels like i will never reach my goals. goals that were feesible for my siblings that are 10 yrs older than me! and ill never ever get there. because im a failure and a waste of space cant even fucking clean the house or help with finances just useless
ugh you idiot you stupid fucking idiot look at what you've done you made it worse!
excuse me while i dissolve
well.
T-T
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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*inhales*
me: trying to figure out who's feelings are super heavily leaking into front since it's not someone i can visually see me: follows the vibes to the source me: ah