In my spiritual journey I have found myself in a surprising place. I spent some time to contemplate and explore my spiritual practice on my own in a more personal and experimental way. I found that my practice was constantly changing and I started to feel like so much was unnecessary.. as a witch priestess I had so many procedures and words memorized for ritual.. my time spent working within a coven in this way was profound and important in my growth.. but now these practices have fallen away. My altar has become very minimalist when before I had many tools, jewels, and robes.. words. I have uncovered a profound silence within myself.. that which remains, that which is eternal. At my altar there is no depiction of Dea, there is a black mirror instead. I could never find the the right statue or image that seemed right to/for me.. but I felt an affinity for Dea Beyond Form. Something about this aspect of Dea called to me, felt so True to me.. held some Mystery out to me, just out of grasp.. so I pursued it.. and now there are no faces, no words to explain..
Can I still call myself a Filianist or Deanist? I don't know.. I still feel a love and at home with Filianism/Deanism/Madrianism.. but it feels like I've been away for a long time and have changed a lot. The symbolism still speaks to me and inspires my heart.. but nowadays words seem so noisy to me.. what matters most to me right now is pursuing a life of harmony and to be a positive influence to those around me. My hope is to smooth out my edges, to spend more time, words, thoughts, and efforts on helping others and reducing suffering in this world.
