little wolf

Okay, so I found out that Bellamy died before seeing the episode, and got all kinds of worked up. Then I watched the episode. And noticed a very interesting exchange between Gabriel and Sheidheda:

That little bit of dialogue wasn’t necessary. But it served to imply that Bardo has reasonably advanced medical care, including at least one cryo chamber(which are apparently magic since Kane was put in one after he looked very dead and it brought him back to life). And, given that they’re capable of growing entire human beings, I’d guess that they can grown organs as well. Organs like kidneys. Or hearts. Bellamy and the remaining disciples are right next to the portal. And I strongly suspect that they’ll be incentivized to get him help as quickly as possible, so that he can explain the meaning of the sketchbook in case Cadogan doesn’t return.

Which brings me to Clarke killing him. Many people have pointed out that there were a lot of ways she could have incapacitated him without resorting to a kill shot. But I suspect that she killed him not because she needed to get the sketchbook from him, but because she needed him to not tell the others what it meant. She needed to protect Madi. We’ve already seen in season 5 that Clarke was willing to leave him to death to protect her. And, from what Clarke has seen, the person she knew and loved was gone. So killing him to protect her daughter, the most important person in every world to her, makes sense. I still don’t like it. I don’t agree with that narrative choice. I think it was a bit of a stretch and unnecessary. But it isn’t completely out of character.

I also saw someone point out that a main character’s death should have more weight to it. We should feel something when they die. And every death of an important character has felt meaningful. It made me feel things. I felt nothing watching this. I think if I’d watched it without knowing about Bellamy’s death, I would have felt astonished and horrified like everyone else(and I did when I originally found out). But, knowing that he died ahead of time, that shock wasn’t there. And without it, there were no emotions. When I rewatch the show, the important deaths still make me cry. I cry when Lincoln dies. I cry when Lexa dies(I still cry even if I watch the scene out of context, and I wasn’t nearly as invested in Clexa as I am in Bellarke, though I still do love the ship).  I cry when Kane dies. I even cry when Abbey dies(and I grew very tired of her). I definitely cry when Diyoza dies. I’m a deeply emotional person, and this show tugs on all of my heartstrings. So my complete lack of emotion upon seeing Bellamy die was very strange. I know a lot of people haven’t cared for this season and have grown disconnected from the story, but I liked a huge chunk of it, and still find the whole thing very compelling.

Bellamy’s death didn’t feel appropriate given his importance to the show. It should have made me feel things, and, besides being horrified upon first learning about it, it didn’t. Like, I was shocked when Lexa died. But upon rewatch it still makes me cry, because they gave her death weight. They didn’t give Bellamy’s death any weight. They only gave us shock. It didn’t feel like a real death.

Now, is it possible that Jason completely dropped the ball and didn’t bother to try to make Bellamy’s death stir emotions besides shock? Yes, absolutely. But, despite the mistakes I think he’s made with his writing, he has never failed to make me care about it when a character of importance dies. So the fact that I didn’t feel anything when Bellamy “died” is very suspect.

At the beginning I was numb. I was so disappointed and surprised that I didn’t even know what to say. But I need to get this off my chest.

He died alone. Thinking that everybody he loved hated him. Believing in something that they didn’t even try to believe in. He saw it with his own eyes, he saw his mother, and maybe for the first time ever he felt safe, he felt like there was hope. He wanted to do better. He wanted to break the cycle, end killing and suffering. After all they’ve been through, all the things they’ve done. His intentions were pure. He loved his family and friends so much that the thought of living peacefully with them, the thought of them not having to fight for survival was more important to him than anything else. He wanted to take them to peace because he loved them so much. 

“You’ve got such a big heart Bellamy” is what Clarke told him. And he did. He really did have a big heart. And then she shoots him in the heart. The heart that she was touching when they were talking as the world was ending. His best friend, someone who he brought back to life and fought for with his whole life. Someone who he believed in. “I believe you” is what he said when she was just about to enter the city of light. He didn’t hear it from her when he needed it the most. 

He didn’t get to say goodbye. His last words. He didn’t get to fix what he did. He died feeling abandoned by his people. He died at the hands of a person he loved. Left completely alone. 

I’m so sorry, Bellamy. You deserved better. You deserved a good ending. Surrounded by people you fought for. People you loved with your whole big heart. You deserved to be forgiven, you deserved to be in a better place. You deserved peace with your family. I’m sorry.

So did Clarke’s character.