The Universe is Fascinating

It's Munday!

And yessss. I redyed my hair. Hopefully with this color I can actually get in a pool this summer without looking like I've murdered someone. 

Spock: He was nine (human equivalent). There'd been another test that day and as usual he'd done very well. But afterwards, in the chaos of testing days he'd been alone, and the veteran group of boys had found him. They'd pushed him, taunted him and his lack of control, his weakness that was his mother. They called him an outsider, an anomaly that had no right to be. He would never be enough of a Vulcan to be accepted and why would he want to be a human? He was worthless, tiny, his blood might as well run red. He was a parasite in disguise, sucking the marrow and vitality from their distinguished culture. He tainted Vulcan with every breathe he took. He would always be hated, he would never fit it, he could never even begin to dream of something as close and sacred and Vulcan as a t'hy'la. They'd tarnished his mother's name and his anger had flared, again. But there were more this time. And they overpowered him, leaving him with a black eye and several scrapes on his face and hands. He'd hurried home, hoping to avoid his mother.-

Amanda: -She'd been out enjoying the cool winds today, reading a book she considered an old friend. In a way, it was. The works of Carroll had been read to her when she was a little baby, and she had read it to Spock when she could. She heard a noise behind her, the quick shuffling of feet, which surprised her into looking up. She glanced behind her, only to see a small foot disappearing around a corner. She called out- Spock, sweetheart!

Spock: -he did not stop, calling to her as he continued to his room.- I am tired. I am going on to bed. Goodnight, mother. -he rushed into his room, closing the door, making sure not to slam it as he truly wanted, and burrowing under the covers, his face turned from the door.-

Amanda: Goodnight, what-- Spock! -It surprised a laugh out of her. Hastily, she abandoned her book on her chair as she went to his room. She tapped on the door- Spock, sweetie, what's the matter?

Spock: -from under the covers.- The tests were particulary long today and I wish to rest. I am not hungry. -he pressed the soft, cool sheet to his face, the chill feeling good on his scrapes and bruises.-

Amanda: You need to eat something, Spock. -It's not scolding, but rather poking lightly at him-

Spock: I am not hungry. -he repeated, coldly.-

Amanda: -her mouth pinches a little, trying to figure out how to coax him out. Finally, she asks gently- Can I come in, Spock? Please?

Spock: -he pulled the blankets closer around him. He hated lying to his mother. He hated shutting her out. But he needed to. He didn't want to need her like he did. He didn't want to feel so bad for how angry he was at her. He didn't want to care. But he did. And he hated it.- If you must.

Amanda: -she opens the door and peeks in- Why don't you want to eat? -she wanders over, and sits at the very edge of the bed. Her voice is light- Was one of your tests eating a big feast all by yourself?

Spock: Before a test you are advised to eat a large meal. I did so and am still nourished from it. -he pulled his legs in closer to him as she sat down, partially to giver her room and partially because he did not want to touch her right now.-

Amanda: -She sits a little straighter, her mouth forming a small 'o' as she leans back slightly- Right, right right. Did you eat to 100% capacity?

Spock: If you care to put it that way. -he clenched his eyes shut, knowing what her expression must be, a part of him wanting to fall into that loving banter they would sometimes share. They kind way she teased him, made him feel warm and safe. But no. He couldn't do that anymore. He couldn't be attached like that. She was a mother. A caretaker and a provider. No longer could she be a friend. It hurt to much to have friends. Especially when she wasn't there to stand up for him against the bullies.-

Amanda: You know, 100% capacity is not recommended. It makes for stomach ache, excessive excrements, which makes for frequent lavatory visits. Frequent lavatory visits would intrude on a healthy sleep schedule. -she sweeps her skirt down to get rid of wrinkles and clasps her hands together on her lap-

Spock: Mother. I do not wish to discuss excrement with you. I am tired... -his voice grew softer, younger. Unlike a logical vulcan and more like a hurt child.- Please.

Amanda: -she tilts her head as she reaches out for him- Are you sure? -her hand rubs his back-

Spock: Yes. -he says, his voice still pained. He rubbed his eye gently. It just hurt. No tears. He didn't cry.-

Amanda: -she rolls her lips back, hearing the hitch his voice- ... Do you want me to leave you alone? -An idea strikes her, and she puts her hand on his shoulder- How about I give you some time, and you write me a letter. Tell me about your tests today. Does that sound good?

Spock: -they'd hurt his hand. Writing would be difficult for a few days until the ache faded.- They were tests. We are advised not to discuss them. There is nothing to discuss anyway.

Amanda: -sighs- Spock, can you look at me please?

Spock: -he stays quiet, unable to think of an excuse not to move.-

Amanda: -her voice finally falters, letting a sliver of worry come out- Spock?

Spock: -he sighs and finally sits up, knowing he won't be able to hide it forever. His face is expressionless but the injuries say enough.-

Amanda: -she gasps, reaching out for his face, but not touching the injuries- Oh my god-- Spock! -her face becomes stern as she takes his shoulders quickly, but her grip is light- Who did this to you?

Spock: -he turns, unable to meet her eyes. His emotional side wants to say 'you' but also hates himself for even thinking that. But the logical side answers truthfully.- A few of the other boys after the tests. There were a couple of new ones this time.

Amanda: -Her face falls. Oh no. No no no, not again. Not her baby boy. Her mouth opens as she tries to speak, and she fails. She studies his face, then places her hand on the back of his head and pulls him in, pressing her lips to the top of his hair- Oh, Spock...

Spock: -for a moment he was about to wrap his arms around her, clutch her shirt in his hands and hold on to her for dear life. But he resisted and pushed away from her, barely getting out.- Don't.

 Amanda: -She leans back, startled- Spock-!

Spock: -he swallowed, his throat feeling tight.- They do this because of what I am. Because I don't belong. If I could just be Vulcan they would stop. I thought I was doing well. I thought I was being... strong. But they still... there are all these things...emotions in my head that I don't want. Sometimes I can turn them off but they are still there. I'm still so... human. -he says it like the word will slither from his lips and drip poison into his wounds, he has to draw it out carefully.- I don't want to be. I just want to fit in.... somewhere.

 Amanda: -Her throat completely closes as he speaks about her kind as if it were an insult. By the end, her eyes are watering- Spock, Spock you /do/ belong. You belong to this family, to your father and me. You belong to your kind, you belong to the planet. You fit, my little puzzle piece, you fit so perfectly. -she reaches out to smooth down his hair- Spock, Spock sweetie...

 Spock: -he pulled away again, a glint of anger in his eyes. More at him then her. But he took it out on her.- Sometimes I don't want to... belong to you.... I don't have a kind, mother. Vulcan's look down on me. And not just the students... It is almost as if the teachers pity me. Like I have some disability that they know I will never be able to overcome. And humans will only see me as some pointy eared freak. -it was as close to a curse, a derogatory term, that he had come to with 'his' race.- I fit nowhere. The only way I am a puzzle piece is if I was put into the wrong box until I watch everyone else find their spot and I am left at the side to be thrown into the drawer of items not quiet unsavory enough to throw away but with no reasonable use seen.

 Amanda: -she sputters out- Gym.

Spock: -he stares at her, confused, not sure how to interpret that. Like seriously what the fuck, Sam?- Excuse me?

 Amanda: There was a-a class. -she leans back, wiping her watery eyes- Back on Earth, during my school days, we had a class called Gym. Physical education. We had to play games, sports. And I- -she laughs- I was terrible at them. I didn't understand the games, I did not find joy in them. Everyone else in my classes did. They would play sports, and I would beg my teachers to let me stay inside and read. My peers made-- my peers taunted me. My teachers -she nods to him- they pitied me. It's not a good feeling, being bullied, is it? But you know what? I grew up. And so did my peers. They understood that how they behaved as children was immature and reckless. Your peers will do the same. Who you are, whether it's a little human, or a little uncoordinated -shrugs and gestures to herself- does not negate what you do, or who you will become. You are extraordinary, Spock. They just don't see it yet.

Spock: -he watched her as she spoke. His anger still lingered but something in him wanted to hug her, to apologize for the pain she had suffered. As much as he hated being bullied the thought of his mother experiencing something similiar was infuriating. He wanted to protect her from it. Then he remembered something else they had said to him. He took a deep breathe, knowing that what he was about to ask was extremely personal. He had no right to ask it, she had no obligation to answer. But he needed to ask anyway.- Mother... did father ever... are you his.... -he could only mouth the word "t'hy'la" , the thought of saying something unreachable cutting to the quick.-

 Amanda: -she smiles and nods- Yes. He told me so the night he married me.

 Spock: -he nodded, his hands clasped in his lap, trying to control his emotions.- I see...

 Amanda: Oh, sweetheart. -she hums, the tips of her fingers moving over the tips of his ears, then to his cheeks, before dropping into her own lap- I'm going to set up a first aid station. Do you want to take care of your injuries yourself or do you want me to help?

Spock: -there was a lump in his throat as he forced himself to speak. Giving into his emotions and telling someone that something had Hirt him was difficult. But this hurt too much. He was scared he would burst if he did not tell someone. And he trusted his mother.- I can do it myself..... But there was something else.... - he looked up at his mother with that look that said how hard it was to say what he needed to.-

Amanda: -she frowns slightly, reaching out for his cheek, then slides her hand up to play with the tip of his ear again- Yeah, what is it?

Spock: I know it is unreasonable and I should not let it bother me so but.... They said that I would never find a.... A t'hy'la.... And despite my trying I can not stop thinking... Worrying that they could be right.

 Amanda: Oh, sweetie. -she puts her arm around him and squeezes his far shoulder lightly- That's an everyone worry, not just you. Everyone's afraid of never finding that special someone. Everyone's afraid of /finding/ that special someone. But it will happen, and it'll be the best thing that will ever happen to you. -she plays with his ear with her free hand- I found your father, didn't I?

 Spock: -he nodded, his panic clearing. He looked up at her and gave her the small smile he only ever used with her.- Thank you, mother.

 Amanda: -gives a little hum, and tugs his ear playfully as she smiles back- Still not hungry?

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