🌸The Little Shaymin🌸

I want to first start this off with a thank you to everyone who supported me on my last journal, even though my last journal was an absolute mess ( @sweetwhitechoco @inkythealien @camdynspillowfort @foxships @littlegreeklover @ava-ships )

Now, the hospital visit didn't help me in the least- I got thrown in a room and left there which initiated several panic attacks. If it wasn't for Bluey being on the TV- I probably wouldn't have survived being in that hospital. I was only in there for a day before I got them to discharge me (I couldn't handle being there). So I basically had to handle the paranoia of 3/23/2023 all by myself- which I surprisingly did!

But I did survive March 23rd, 2023! I'm here now! And I want to have a fresh new start on my social media- yes, again, I'm sorry for being like this. I want to leave this account- and everything I involved my 3/23/2023 paranoia all in the past. If you have any username suggestions, please let me know! I will be making the new account in a few days.

I know this is going to make a lot of people judge me, hate me, probably make me lose a lot of friends. But I really need to talk about this before I go.

Since…early 2018-ish, I've been hearing a demon telling me to kill myself on March 23rd 2023. And since then, he's only gotten louder and louder to the point it's been repeating in my head like a broken record almost weekly- daily even.

I've been talking to a therapist about this, and they're going to send me to a hospital on the 22nd so I don't do anything to myself. But, I honestly don't know if going to a hospital will ever help how worthless I feel in my life, the constant battles I have with the demons in my head. I need to get help but I'm not sure a couple days in the hospital will be enough.

I honestly don't know what's going to happen to me. I wish I could say I'm strong, but I'm not. I never was strong. I feel so alone, trapped inside my head like a prisoner. Being scared of everyone and everything. Constantly worried that I'm just being a bother to people or people are doing things for me out of pity.

I want to thank everyone for putting up with me for as long as you have, even if it was out of pity. I appreciate every single one of you.

When I get back from the hospital, I'll take a hiatus off social media for the rest of the month and rethink my life. Hopefully I'll get some help during this time period enough so I can come back stronger than I was before.

@ava-ships @inkythealien @ofieugogyshz @foxships @sweetwhitechoco @rebeccaselfships @littlegreeklover Thank you all for being such wonderful friends to me, I don't deserve your kindness- but I'm glad we got to be friends.