little king

“It’s a sad word. It’s for when you’re too sad to cry and too tired to get mad about it.” Aelius smiled faintly when Regulus chuckled - at least he could manage that, in his own abysmal state. He brushed the back of his index finger softly against Regulus’ cheek. “And it upsets me to know you think it’s applies.” 

“A distraction? There’s something I know how to talk about,” Aelius chuckled dryly and peered over at Regulus. “Tell me what you want, little king.”

Regulus nodded thoughtfully, unsure of how to form a response. Everything Aelius sad just fitted to how he felt, and the thought was enough to make him exhausted. Merlin, he was only fifteen, he wasn’t meant to be feeling like this -- he was meant to be spending his youth laughing, not crying, and yet... “It’s a good word,” he echoed, as it was the only thing he could think to say.

Rafe kept his eyes low, avoiding meeting anyone’s gaze. But as it always was, it was eventual as his gaze drifted up and came into contact with exactly who he didn’t want to see. “Shit.” Looking around in a panic, he quickly dove behind the closest person to him. “Hide me! Hide me and I swear I will do whatever you want– Just hide me.”

Regulus yelped when Rafe ducked behind him, and just as his face contorted into a scowl and he was about to turn to scold him for scaring him, he processed his words, staying where he was and flashing Aelius a smile as he passed them by. Once he was out of sight, Regulus turned towards Rafe. “--Alright, he’s gone. Should I even bother asking what this is about this time?”

Andromeda sighed and tried, not for the first time, to push down the spark of anger that flickered at the complete and total lack of empathy amongst the adults in her family. Hadn’t a single one of them considered what Regulus was going through? “Your sentence is almost up, Reg,” she reminded quietly, “soon you’re going to move out and start to make your own way and the power she has over you will grow less every day.” She paused to hand him a piece of chocolate. “And the first years need their own lsland far far away from here where they can learn humility and basic survival skills.”

Regulus chuckled, nodding his head slowly. He knew she was wrong, of course. This hell that he lived could never be over. Not really. With every day passing day he grew closer and closer to being under the control of someone much worse than his own mother ( and that was saying something ). It was true that this one had been optional, but...with the way he’d been brought up, it hadn’t felt like it. “Yeah, guess you’re right,” he lied, which was difficult, as it wasn’t something he did often around Andie. Taking the chocolate gratefully, he smirked, nibbling on the small piece he had. “Maybe we should buy a deserted Island and then just ship them off there before they can even get to Hogwarts. Yeah, that’d be nice. Once they’ve learnt the skills they need to not be annoying, they can come back. Fool-proof plan, truly.”

“That way?” He hooks a thumb over his shoulder, indicating the hall behind him. “I was actually just walking from that direction, so.. like, turning around and going back would be kinda counter-productive.”

Regulus put on his best are you fucking kidding me? face, looking up at Frank standing over him. “Is there something fucking wrong with you? I don’t give a damn which way you go, just...go.”

“Wanna share my blanket?”

“Since when do you have a conscience, Carrow?” Regulus tried for a joking comment, but it came out sounding flat and sour, and he immediately followed it with, “Sorry, that was meant to be a...whatever. I guess you can stay, then.”

Regulus tensed as soon as Amelia came near him, and his brow furrowed as he watched ( like a statue ) as she fixed his tie, grumbling incoherent objections. “Yeah, I think I kind of noticed that,” he snorted, relaxing only ever so slightly. “What’re you gunna do, watch me all day?”

“At least I had the balls to stand up for myself!” Anger was easier than pain, anyway. “I didn’t hide away in my room like a coward!”

Regulus didn’t have the balls to deal with this right now. He didn’t have the heart to deal with this right now. He opened his mouth and began to turn away when--

Regulus’ smile managed to stay put for a few seconds as he drooped his head onto Andie’s shoulder, but it faltered as soon as there was mention of what had him down. “Just...letter’s from mum. You know what she’s like...” He trailed off, unsure of how to continue. “I swear to God every single one of those damn firsties thinks they’re up on some sort of pedestal. They’re so freaking up themselves, it annoys the shit out of me.”

He flinched at the nickname. “Did you even hear me, Sirius?” His voice rose a decibel and he didn’t stop it. 

“I could also just sit over here, reading, and slide you pieces of chocolate at frequent and regular intervals in case you feel like talking eventually.”

Regulus let out a chuckle which paired as a long exhale. He should’ve known that would be Andromeda’s response, and the thought made him shake his head. “I do like chocolate,” he said quietly, after a while’s silence. “...And maybe a bit of company could do me good.”

“Always.” She whispered, pulling back and touching his cheek. She thought back to when Regulus had told her - not that he had been the first. The walls in the castle consumed these kinds of facts like it was all that sustained them. Pandora remembered the state that Regulus had arrived in this year and she squeezed him tighter.·

“Did something… happen?”

As soon as Pandora was next to him, he molded himself into her, holding onto her like she was his last tether to reality. And sometimes she was. Sometimes it was only Pandora that was keeping him sane, keeping him grounded, and he never wanted to let that go, hence his tight hold around her waist. Sometimes was, of course, right now, and he rested his chin in her hair as he held her closer and closer.

The simple word brought the smallest of smiles to his face, but his eyes betrayed the happy tilt of his lips, filling with a sadness that he’d been feeling much too often recently. His hand moved up to catch hers, holding it against his cheek and closing his eyes as he took in a deep breath. “Always,” he echoed, voice barely a whisper. Opening his eyes, he let go of her hand and held her even tighter, which was something he hadn’t though possible until now. Did something happen... Did it? Did anything happen to trigger it? His immediate answer was no, but...

“I, uh... I was already feeling sort of crappy today, just generally, but then...” He sucked in a deep breath, drew it out slowly. “I just saw him with Potter in the corridors and I got really mad but then I just...well, as I said, I felt empty.”

a text that WASN’T SENT.

[ unsent - 2:31am ]: What’re we doing, Cissa? What CAN we do? Sirius is gone, Andromeda is gone, Bellatrix is…well, what she is, and we’re just…what, pawns to the chess game? 

[ unsent - 2:33am ]: I think we should leave. Our odds are better if we do it together and we both…we both just need to escape. This is too much for the both of us, you know it is, and we would be so much better off without the stress of all that is put on us from our families. I trust you, Narcissa, so please just trust me enough to know what we would be so much better if we ran away. Let’s do it. Please… I can’t do this alone.

a LATE NIGHT text.

[ sent - 12:01am ]: Whales are pretty funny lookin. Like, their eyes and shit. Don’t you agree? Say you agree with me, Cissa. C’mon, I can’t be alone on this.

a SCARED text.

[ sent - 11:58pm ]: I’m getting the tattoo tomorrow and I’m so scared and holy shit Narcissa tell me that this is the right thing to do, tell me that this is how it’s meant to be for me and I can’t escape it bc holy fuck I am so tempted to back out of this I’m so scared Narcissa, please help me

a LOVING text.

[ sent - 3:04pm ]: Oh my goodness, thank you so much for that advice yesterday, you honestly helped so much, A+ to you for being great x

an ACCIDENTAL text.

[ sent - 4:26am ]: I miss him

[ sent - 4:26am ]: well fuck me, that was NOT meant to be sent to you, my god, whoopsies, please forget that text ever happened ?

a HEARTBREAKING text.

[ sent - 2:47pm ]: I’m not a good person and you know it. You don’t have to try and console me and tell me that I’m a Black and I’m wonderful, because that bullshit is not gunna work - I’m a shitty person who does shitty things for shitty reasons and I’ve probably shit on you in the process, too. GOD, why am I such a dick? Everyone would be so much better off if I just didn’t exist…

a MORNING text. 

[ sent - 10:06am ]: Good morning! :) My brother has left me alone with my shithole excuse for parents and just left home and my life has just turned to complete and utter shit :) See you after break ! :)

a text that WASN’T SENT. 

[ unsent - 2:34am ]: I’m so sorry. So, so, SO sorry. I can’t believe the scared little boy that you met all those years ago is actually going to go through with this, but he is, and Merlin, I’m so so sorry Pandora. I don’t know how you’ll ever forgive me. If I’m being quite honest, I don’t want you to. But I’m not going to regret my decisions, because regrets only lead to pain, and you know that I can’t deal with anymore of that. I just need you to know that I love you so fucking much, and by doing this, I never wanted to ‘betray’ you or anything of the sort. I’m doing this for my own selfish reasons, and I wouldn’t’ve done it without a lot of thought going into it. Mostly I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m just going to get it, and you’re going to hate me, and I’m sorry that I would ever do that to you. Please don’t forgive me. I don’t deserve it.

[ unsent - 2:36am ]: I’m getting the Dark Mark tomorrow, Pandora. I’m so, so sorry. 

a RUSHED text. 

[ sent - 1:02am ]: drank too much again. am in the kitchens. halp.

a DRUNK text.

[ sent - 11:22pm ]: WE SHOULD BUY A PUPPY. TOGETHER. IT CAN BE CALLED PANEG, BC ITS LIKE PAN AND REG PUT TOGETHER.

[ sent - 11:22pm ]: IT SHOULD BE A POMERANIAN !!!!!!!! HAVE YOU SEEN THOSE THINGS ???

[ sent - 11:23pm ]:  (image sent pomeranianpup.jpg)

[ sent - 11:23pm ]: LOOK AT THAT LITTLE FACE AND TELL ME IT’S NOT THE CUTEST FUCKING THING YOU HAVE EVER SEEN

[ sent - 11:23pm ]: LOOK. AT. IT.

[ sent - 11:24pm ]: ARE YOU IGNORING ME FOR A REASON ?? DO YOU NOT WANT THIS ?? ARE YOU NOT AS EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN THIS LITTLE PUP AS I AM ????

[ sent - 11:24pm ]: WOW PANDORA, I AM HONESTLY CUT

a SUGGESTIVE text. 

[ sent - 7:43pm ]: netflix and chill ??

[ sent - 7:45pm ]: I have been informed that there are in fact ulterior motives to the term ‘netflix and chill’ and for that reason I rephrase to - would you like to watch netflix on the couch with me in the slytherin common room ?? 

[ sent - 7:45pm ]: and just. watch. netflix. that is all.

a LATE NIGHT text.

[ sent - 11:58pm ]: what are the walls saying RIGHT NOW? are they asleep? is this prime gossiping time? I’m honestly intrigued, Pan, let me in on the gossip of this castle, pls

a HATEFUL text.

[ sent - 1:41pm ]: YOU LIED TO ME. LIAR. YOU TOLD ME YOU DIDN’T GO DEEP IN THE FOREST ADVENTURING FOR SMOL ANIMALS BUT I SWEAR I JUST SAW YOU IN THERE. LIESSSSSSS. ALL LIESSSSSSSS. WHAT ELSE HAVE YOU LIED ABOUT, HMMMMMMMM?

[ sent - 1:43pm ]: ok, so it turns out that was actually not you, but we should still settle on any lies being told, js

a RANDOM text.

[ sent - 3:51pm ]: I aint believin’ you until you show me, thanks very much

a SCARED text.

[ sent - 12:31am ]: I don’t know if I can do this anymore. I think I’m in too deep, Pan. I never meant for it to go this far and...I’m so terrified that I’ve made the wrong decision by doing this. Please tell me I have nothing to be scared about and that everything will be fine, because I honestly feel like everything is just continuing to spiral down hill and I’m just falling deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole that can only end in destruction. The sheer...POWER that is being shown here is enough to show me that I’m making the wrong decisions, surely, and I’m just...I’m so scared and I don’t know how to go on.

a LOVING text.

[ sent - 11:59am ]: Thank you for being there. Thank you for being my rock. Thank you for keeping me steady. I don’t think I say this enough, but I honestly appreciate you so much, you bring out a boy in me that I never thought could exist, and I’m honestly so grateful for that. I love you, and don’t forget it.

a CURIOUS text.

[ sent - 1:01am ]: ok ok, but like...is it wrong for me to ask if the walls have ever told you anything about me ?? do other ppl talk about me ?? WHAT IS THE GOSS WHERE REGULUS BLACK IS CONCERNED, PANDORA, I NEED TO KNOW

an EXCITED text.

[ sent - 5:02pm ]: AHUOREPHUWGBUIE WE WOONNNNN, AND THX TO ME, TOO, AWW YISSS LIFE IS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD 

an ACCIDENTAL text.

[ sent - 6:08pm ]: do you think there’s any way Sirius will come back home?

[ sent - 6:08pm ]: well shit, I was NOT meant to press send there

[ sent - 6:09pm ]: ...well, do you ?

a HEARTBREAKING text. -- sent before he went to hide the locket

[ sent - 8:09pm ]: I found a way. I’ve done it. I have to do it. I’m not going to say I’m sorry anymore, because I’m sure that after all this time I am finally doing something that is RIGHT.... And yet my hands are shaking and my palms are sweating and my heart is hardly beating and yet beating so goddamn fast and... I’m scared. I know why, of course. This is the end. After all of these years of wishing I could just die, it’s finally come, and I’m so terrified. 

[ sent: 8:11pm ]: This will probably me the last you hear from me, so I want you to know this - even if what I did was so, unbelievably wrong, and I know that you can’t and won’t forgive me for everything I did do, I still love you. I always have. How could I not? You were the closest thing to family that I have left, and that can never be ignored. I’m sorry for what I did but I’m not sorry for what I will do. This is just it for me, Pandora, it has to be...

[ sent - 8:12pm ]: Goodbye, Pandora. I love you, forever and always.