Memyself&ME

Covid slaps

Rub in how single I am even more please like it’s not enough to always sit alone at the end of the table, always be the one to make the group an odd number for game night, be the one with the name tag on the shelves including their dog instead of a partner, nah mate just ask me when I’m gonna get married cause we’ve already got two weddings coming up yeah that’ll make feel super duper great my dude

This is the second time in a week that I couldn’t physically get out of bed because when I get out of bed I eat breakfast and I didn’t want to eat breakfast and so I couldn’t get out of bed. I’m laying there telling myself to get out of bed get out of bed get out of bed get and my body just won’t go. Both times I’ve eventually decided that it’s okey I don’t need to have breakfast and can just have a banana and suddenly I’m out of bed… what?

I’m like a weird combination of just fine being alone and also so tired of sitting alone at the end of the table

I wish I wasn’t so polite so I could stop laughing at jokes that don’t make sense and aren’t funny

I think I know that it’s the weather, cause it’s properly raining for the first time in weeks, but I’m still just.. I was having such a good time and then suddenly last night I just went.. right down the black hole again? But it’s probably the rain and humidity making my body hurt, making my neck hurt, making my head hurt, making me tired, making me depressed. It’s probably all connected. But still. I’m trying to remember how much my life has improved the last year. It’s an actual freaking miracle story. I’m doing things now I didn’t even dare to dream of a year ago. But a year ago I still had the same BIG wants and wishes as I do now, and I was already this depressed about them not already being fulfilled. And every time I get a year older.. I just get sadder about them. Cause I want a partner. And I want a kid. And I want things that seem so far away even tough others suddenly are here. I’m not well enough to meet my person yet, and even if I did meet them tomorrow, it’ll still be years. And I’m.. I feel like I’m just running out of time. And I’m incredibly jealous of my family because I’m the only single one. And people are getting married and having babies. And I’m just. Going for a walk. Making my own dinner. Big woop. Although it’s a huge woop actually. It’s confusing, and hard, and sad. So sad. So sad I can’t really stop crying today. I’m just really ready for my life to reboot properly. For my person to show up. To just be semi normal. But it’s probably just the weather. Cause it hasn’t rained in weeks.

Second vaccine dose is currently kicking my ass.. or rather my back.. I’m so sore I can’t move without making growling sounds lol

This is the first time since 2015 I haven’t felt totally depressed on this day. Like I’m actually hopeful.

The sound of rain

They’re not kidding with that sore vaccine arm thing