Don't Think About Elephants

from ‘Alice’ (1990)

Lawns are nature purged of sex and death.

Vacuum Cleaner Sucks Up Budgie

Combat with No Bat (1996): Lesson 1: A Day at the Park Lesson 2: Domestic Traps Lesson 3: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Front Door Lesson 4: Fighting from Inside Cars Lesson 5: Gang Defense Lesson 6: Woman Asking Directions Lesson 10: Mercy and Advanced Mercy

The conclusion I came to— and it was important to come to a conclusion because you didn’t want these kinds of thoughts to just go on and on with no category and no conclusion— was that girls these days, when they weren’t hugging boys unromantically, were busy being generally aggressive. Whereas girls in my youth felt angry but directed it inward and cut themselves and became depressed, girls nowadays just went arrrrgh and pushed someone into a wall. Who could say which way was better? In the past the girl herself got hurt; now another unsuspecting, innocent person was hurt and the girl herself seemed to feel just fine. In terms of fairness maybe the past was a better time.

I have identified [...] a historic knish corridor which extends from modern day Lithuania through Poland, Bialystok, Belarus and parts of Ukraine. Now, you may be thinking that corresponds with the pale of settlement where Jews were, and that’s true. But this is a sub section.

Uh, don’t hate all rich people. They’re not all awful. Believe me, I know some evil poor people, too. We need some rich people: Who else is going to back our movies or buy our art? I’m rich! I don’t mean money-wise. I mean that I have figured out how to never be around assholes at any time in my personal and professional life. That’s rich. And not being around assholes should be the goal of every graduate here today. It’s OK to hate the poor, too, but only the poor of spirit, not wealth. A poor person to me can have a big bank balance but is stupid by choice – uncurious, judgmental, isolated and unavailable to change. I’m also sorry to report there’s no such thing as karma. So many of my talented great friends are dead and so many of the fools I’ve met and loathed are still alive. It’s not fair, and it never will be.