CEO of Aziklein @lion-writer - Tumblr Blog

listen. when you slip on a banana peel and impale yourself on the sharpened banana stem, I hope your last words are “Greer was right.”

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testdevice

they call it his achilles heel because ack! It killies him

enby-denby

They call it the Odyssey because it really do be Odd at Sea

depsidase

beemovieerotica

porcelain-rob0t

the european mind cannot comprehend the 48 oz dunkin bucket

derryderrydown

Excuse me while I look something up...

1.4 litres????

politenotice

interestingmistakes

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pigeoncomics

Pigeon Comic 44 - Under Pressure

Stay coo’, pigeon army.

chaoskiro

[ID: A comic showing the lyrics of Under Pressure by Queen accompanied by black and white drawings of pigeons matching the lyrics. End ID]

important-cat-pics

phantomrose96

Day 286 of quarantine I have discovered www.webstaurantstore.com

It is, I BELIEVE, a website intended to be used by restaurants for bulk ordering food and utensils. And this is bringing me such unbounded delight scrolling through and recognizing that I, a single individual, ALSO can order ridiculous obscene enormous offensive-to-all-common-sensibilities shipments of BULK FOOD, to my LITTLE LITTLE APARTMENT, for PENNIES on the dollar. I have this god given power to flood my entire living space with bulk grains and it is one single button click away from my reality.

30 POUNDS of chocolate for $100. 20 POUNDS of peas for $13?? $13!!!! I will wake up every single morning from now on knowing that a box of donuts and a sack of dried split peas heavy enough to bodily injure someone both carry equal monetary weight. 25 POUNDS OF ONION POWDER for $50. Do you understand the enormity? the accessibility? the potential here? With the single click of the button I can put myself in a position of bequeathing more than a humanly comprehensible amount of onion powder in my will. AND IT WOULD ONLY COST ME $50 TO MAKE THIS A REALITY.

But what gets me

What truly gets me

is the 50 POUND BAG OF RICE

FOR LESS THAN $20

Do you know how much that kills me? How much I’m losing my mind? that I can order MYSELF WORTH OF RICE for something to the tune of $50? I can OUT-RANK MYSELF WITH RICE, DEMOCRATICALLY OVERRULE MYSELF WITH RICE, IN MY OWN APARTMENT for the fucking PENNIES that is $50

I’m so sorry for the normal person I’ll be after quarantine because the cabin-fever version of me I’m inhabiting right now is perhaps just uninhibited enough to follow through on this dream I’ve just discovered of out-ricing myself.

closet-keys

real talk though, if you had a large number of people in your community who wanted a particular food item and couldn’t afford it (for instance if you’re in a food desert and need produce or if you’re a part of a large disabled and/or overworked community who all need prepared frozen food), you could pool funds and get an order from a supply store like this.

it requires organizing for finance management, ordering, transport, and distribution, but if you build a stable mutual aid network, it’s genuinely within the realm of possibility.

anarchopuppy

This idea is called a buyers club (or buying club, buying coop, etc) and it’s a great time-tested method of mutual aid. And there are guides and tools for starting your own at managemy.coop

thememedaddy

javascript-official

Fuck this job man, I sentenced this guy called Theseus to life in prison for murder and then I get a call from the prison that he has systematically replaced every organ in his body including his brain and is now claiming he is not the same person who committed the crime. They are letting him go free, fuck this. Worst of all is he also then took all of the parts that he discarded and made a second Theseus who is also claiming he did not commit the crime and they are also being let free. Now there's two of them out there and you just KNOW they are murdering people and then having gay sex. I fucking quit man...

linguisticparadox

(via @luimnigh )

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horsefigureoftheday

I like when a horse has a head as big as a human torso

gomjabbar

your friend brett in 2003: “hey guys! ready for a deathmatch round in blood gulch?”

you and your two other friends who found a glowing crystal in the back of your house that gave you a prophetic glimpse into the future where the three of you live successful lives but only if brett dies following a series of finely-connected events that begin with him winning a round of deathmatch on blood gulch: “yeah brett you’re on”

casuallyvoidraven

You guys were absolutely right- the sea chapters were amazing

This duo was so freaking hilarious

greseadraws

dungeon meshi but they end up in the back rooms, a cursed idea that was eating away at my brain

nitewrighter

Peer-reviewing @monikoishi's tags because they're banger.

plague-vulture

washing dishes is evil because you go "oh fuck there's so many dishes this is gonna take foreverrr" and then you enter the dish abyss and emerge with your abdomen somehow covered in water and your hands all wrinky and then you look at the clock and what felt like half an hour was actually 10 minutes

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prokopetz

"Toxic yuri" is a very context-dependent term because half the people using it are clearly picturing some sort of subtle psychological warfare and the other half seem to be describing the girl version of whatever is going on between Batman and the Joker.

chameliyun

just tried to reference the xkcd "today's lucky 10,000" comic but I wanted to explain xkcd first, so I was like "you probably know the one about experts in the field overestimating their audience's familiarity with the subject matter" and uh. he didn't. love me some irony

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