one day, it will

my last post on here was 2019, like 3 and a half years ago. a lot of things have happened in the last couple years for sure. i got into a relationship, learned, matured, and left a relationship. i finished my undergrad, co-op, got my master’s, applied to grad school, didn’t get in, and now im here. oh and i moved into our dream house and annie also married. ive met so many people along the way and im glad and proud of how much ive achieved in the last couple years. today, i want to focus on my feelings and my emotions moving forward, particularly my career. my love life and family problems can be saved for another day LOL

im feeling lost, anxious, scared, and worried because i dont know what the future will be like. there are a lot of uncertainties. despite this, i know everything will be okay and that eventually i will get to where i want to be in life. while talking about life with aleung and fsyal yesterday, i realized that i resisted being introspective in a while and i’ve become the person that i didn’t want to be as a teenager. in high school, i rmb being reflective and more at peace with myself, eventho i was less accomplished. i guess this goes to show that being ‘successful and accomplished’ doesn’t always bring peace. while i’ve matured and grown into a more experienced person, im also realizing that ive become scared of being vulnerable with my feelings and my thoughts. i rmb thinking that adults weren’t deep and that they don’t really ponder their life and just go wherever life takes time. ive become one of those adults. it’s not that adults don’t know how to think deep or that they don’t have time, they’re just scared. but i know that this is not who i want to be. i want to be true and to be connected with my inner thoughts and feelings, and this starts with journalling on here today.