Neverland - Nevermind; Bangtan Style

“What is it, Min Ji?” Yoongi asked in a softer tone, knowing that your sister wouldn’t call unless she needed something – while her definition of ‘need’ was usually different than what Yoongi would prefer, he found it endearing that the younger girl came to him for a lot of her questions and random thoughts.  It was something she only did with you for the longest time, but when she realized that Yoongi indulged even the strangest conversations with you it opened a new door of communication between them.

“Oppa,” Min Ji’s voice cracked slightly over the line and she was silent long enough for him to pick up some of the background noises.

“Min Ji, where are you? Is everything okay?”

“Oppa, please hurry, it’s Unnie, she’s – we’re in the hospital Oppa.”

_

Yoongi didn’t even know how he managed to get to the hospital so quickly.  He didn’t even wait for Min Ji to finish her sentence of which hospital before he was already in his car, his shoes thrown on the passenger seat, his foot hit the accelerator harder than necessary as he raced to the hospital Min Ji rattled off to him before hanging up.

You were in the Emergency Room when your sister called and despite the fact that it took Yoongi less than five minutes to get there with how quickly he drove Min Ji had managed to text him and tell him that you were on the third floor for observation.

Heart pounded the entire way from his car in the parking lot up to the hospital doors, the rush of blood that drained from his face as his mind wandered to what happened, what caused your sister to bring you to the hospital that you ended up in the Emergency Room in the first place.  Sure you were in a regular room now, but that didn’t take his mind off of the fact that you were not only admitted to a hospital, but you had been in the Emergency Room.  The last time you were here – no, don’t think about that, Yoongi chided himself mentally.

Too impatient to wait for the elevator to arrive Yoongi took the stairs three at a time to the third floor, coming to a halt outside of the stairwell into the waiting area for the third floor.   Rooms and Maternity wing were on this floor, Yoongi checked his phone again for the room number you were in before looking around at the signs pointing him in the direction to you.

“Oppa!”

Yoongi turned, his features tight, and caught sight of Min Ji rushing towards him a young woman in a white coat staring after her a clipboard in hand.

“Min Ji, where is Y/N?”

Min Ji’s face fell slightly, “The doctor wants to speak to both of us before we go and see her.”

“She’s okay,”  Despite Yoongi’s straight face his voice broke slightly as he spoke the words, fear creeping up behind his dark eyes as he stared at the young woman before him who was just as much his little sister as she was yours.  He could see the fear written plainly across her face and didn’t want to add to her fear with his own.

“Are you Mr. Min, Ms. Y/L/N’s guardian?”  A woman’s soft voice filtered across his hearing and Yoongi’s head snapped up to look behind Min Ji to the woman in the white coat.  His gaze flicked down to read the name on the coat.  Dr. Park Yoo Na, OBGYN.

“Yes, Doctor Park, I’m Y/N’s guardian, how is she?  Can you tell me what happened?”

Doctor Park smiled kindly her dark eyes fell to check the chart on her clipboard and out of curiosity, Yoongi glanced down as well seeing your name across the top.  “Y/N was here in the ER a few weeks ago with stomach cramps, correct?”

Yoongi swallowed the lump that had lodged itself in his throat while she was speaking, her eyes still on your chart in her hands.  “Yes.”

She nodded her head, her brows knit together softly, “And they performed a pregnancy test as a precaution, correct?”

Yoongi’s anger got the better of him, the fear eating him up on the inside at all the endless possibilities of what happened to you to cause you to be here today and the doctor was only concerned with what happened nearly a month ago.

“Mr. Min?”

Yoongi snapped out of his thoughts and his dark gaze met the deep brown of the concerned doctor before him. “I’m sorry Doctor Park, but I have absolutely no idea why my girlfriend is currently in the hospital.  Min Ji-” He gestured to your sister standing next to him.  “Didn’t tell me what happened on the phone and frankly, at the moment when I found out that the woman I love was in the hospital all I cared about was getting here to see her.  Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like you to tell me what the hell happened and if she is okay or not.”

Min Ji’s eyes widened as she stared back and forth between Yoongi and the doctor, the latter of the two who thankfully seemed un-phased by the outburst.

“A few weeks ago when you brought Ms. Y/L/N in to see us in the ER the pregnancy test came back negative. An ultrasound of the abdomen was issued and blood was drawn for testing.”  Doctor Park paused, gauging Yoongi’s reaction to her words.  “Did she not tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“She was pregnant.”

Yoongi’s breath caught in his throat at the news.  His thoughts immediately went to your random bouts of stomach sickness and your constant waving it off as having eaten something that didn’t sit well with you and not to mention your constant mood changes – one, in particular, the time the mail carrier dropped off a package for you and you cried.  Then –

“What do you mean by was?”

Doctor Park’s eyes light with empathy, her lips parting as she glanced back down at the chart unsure how to continue.

“She had undergone the beginning stages of miscarriage when you two arrived at the hospital, there was no heartbeat when the ultrasound was done, but it was clear in the sonogram pictures that she was approximately four or five weeks along.

“The attending OBGYN and physician suggested a DNC be scheduled at a later date if the need should arise-”

Yoongi’s ears shut down, he didn’t understand the last half of what the doctor was talking about, he didn’t know what a DNC was, and he didn’t even know they had found anything in your tests.  Sure you were an adult, he was your guardian, but that didn’t mean that the doctors automatically told him what was going on.  You had assured him that everything was fine, just severe cramping from your period – worse than usual, but nothing to be concerned about.  Yoongi had never considered questioning the doctor on his own because he trusted you, if you said there was nothing to worry about then there was nothing to worry about.

Yoongi found his feet moving while the doctor was still explaining what happened, but he no longer cared, he needed to see you.  He needed to ask you why you kept something like this from him, he loved you – you knew that you should know that.

He burst through the closed door with a loud bang, his dark gaze finding you lying on the bed, head turned towards the windows – you didn’t even flinch when the door actually hit the wall behind it before rebounding.  Yoongi’s anger dissipated as he took in the lost expression clearly written across the pallor of your skin – skin that was normally bright and slightly pink.  He shut the door a little more quietly than he had opened it, his feet did not hesitate as he crossed the short space to get to your bedside.

Neither of you said a word as Yoongi slipped under the light cover to join you on the bed, his body easily curling into the arch of your back, his face nuzzled into the juncture of your neck, his arm wrapped firmly around your middle.  You flinched slightly when his hand made contact with the slight swell of your abdomen – had he really been working that much not to have even wondered?

“I love you,” Yoongi mumbled into your soft skin.

I was stumped when I finally arrived at his eyes, having skipped them several times already, unsure of exactly what expression to portray; his lips were equally as inexpressive, for some reason those two features that I could picture with ease were suddenly so difficult.  Thankfully, the second warning bell for the beginning of the first period had rung and I quickly stuffed my sketchbook back into my backpack making my way carefully down the hall towards my History class.  The next two hours of the day would be hopefully uneventful as I shared both of them with Jungkook and Biology with Jimin – both classes I was assigned to sit next to Jungkook.

I hesitated my hand hovering on the handle of the classroom door, beyond that door was the one person I was looking forward to seeing more than anything and yet, I still hesitated. What about the kiss?  

Taking a steadying breath I opened the classroom door and kept my head down as I made my way over to my desk, my desk mate already seated his book open and notes scattered.  Today was our first test and many of my classmates were murmuring to each other about what the content could be over.  Jungkook glanced up at my arrival a wide grin on his face, but my lack of acknowledgement of his greeting soon caused the happy expression to turn quizzical.

My heart was racing for the entire class, my fingers tapping on the edge of my desk as I had finished my test early and was now watching the clock tick slowly counting down to when this period would end only for the second to begin.  Jungkook’s brow was furrowed – and even though I never looked directly at him I caught enough of his profile out of the corner of my eye as I watched him warily.  I was worried about what he might say when the bell rang, but I was even more worried about what he wouldn’t say.  The next class was going to be troublesome, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready for Math class or not – because after Math came lunch, then more classes where I would see Jimin and then Jungkook.

When the bell finally rang I snatched my books and quickly made my way towards the exit, I could feel a piercing gaze following my every step.  I was ignoring him – too scared to speak to him – and now Jungkook knew for certain that I was avoiding him.  The question remained – what was he going to do about it?

-

I somehow managed to make it through the remainder of my classes with little trouble – Biology was no less awkward than History had been, the only difference was it wasn’t just one pair of eyes looking at me, but two.  Jimin thankfully respected my space and when I went to our usual spot for lunch he didn’t say much only made noncommittal grunts from time to time to appease Tae.

Taehyung knew something had happened, but being the good friend that he was he kept his mouth shut, filling the silence between Jimin and me with his own tales.  English class was much the same as lunch, Tae continued to fill the silence when we were free to work on our writing assignments, most of the class spent the extra time chatting about plans for the upcoming weekend.

I had pulled out my sketchbook opening up to the last page which just so happened to be my sketch of Jungkook.  Jimin’s eyes had drifted over to take a peek at my book; his brow furrowed, but said nothing.  My cheeks heated and I coughed lightly as I casually turned to a blank page trying not to draw further attention from Jimin’s curious gaze.

Quietly I began sketching a moon scene over the ocean.  I loved reflections on water and in my free time I liked to take pictures of reflective moments to sketch later on.  The great thing about light was that it was a beautiful thing to recreate on paper, but if you weren’t fast enough it was gone in the blink of an eye.

My heart was racing as I walked slowly to Art, my eyes drifting to the hall clock that told me I had thirty seconds before the bell rang.

It’s now or never.

I stepped into the room with seconds to spare and made my way quickly to my desk and Jungkook as Ms. Park took a stand at the front of the room.

“Afternoon class, I want you all to continue working on your sketches from yesterday.  If it helps you to move around the room or even the school grounds I’m giving you all a free pass today.”  Most of the class started to murmur in excitement at the prospect of going outside.

“That being said, I want you all to be back in this room with thirty minutes to spare so I can take a look at your progress so far.”

My eyes wandered over the room as the class began to divide up.  A couple of the pairs went over to the windows while most of the class headed for the exit door that led outside.

“In or out?”

My eyes shot over to Jungkook who was looking at me with concern etched on his face.  His lips turned down slightly as he waited for your response.

“Personally, I prefer In ‘n Out’s animal fries.”  The joke slipped out from between my lips without even a second thought.

Jungkook’s brow furrowed in confusion then he burst into belly laughing.  His hands clutching his sides as he pushed back against the chair with mirth written all over his face.

My cheeks flamed bright red as the remaining class looked over at us in curiosity to see what had Jungkook in such a laughing fit.  Wiping tears from the corner of his eyes, Jungkook chuckled before gathering his sketchbook and pencil case.  “Outside it is.”

-

We sat in somewhat uncomfortable silence for the first fifteen minutes.  Jungkook appeared to be concentrating on shading his piece, but I was still struggling to get his eye shape right.  Groaning in frustration, I flung my sketchpad down on the grass, reaching for my sharpener I began to furiously grate my pencil to get it as sharp as possible.  I needed the finest detailing out of it I could get, but I was still struggling with the fine lines.

“I like it,” Jungkook spoke softly – so softly that I almost didn’t hear him.

I glanced up from my furious sharpening to see Jungkook clutching my sketchbook lightly between his slender fingers.  My cheeks flushed pink as I watched him observing my work.

“I-it’s not done, or anything.”

“I know.”  He stated, eyes glancing up at me with a piercing look before turning his attention back to the sketch of himself.

“I-I haven’t even managed to get y-your eyes right.”  My cheeks grew hotter as I stumbled over my words a little more this time.

“I know.”

The tone of his voice was still pointed, his eyes not lifting from the page this time as he cocked his head to the left to look at it from a different angle.

“My nose isn’t that crooked though.”

My eyes widened as I shot to my knees to lean over the sketchbook in his outstretched hands. “What do you mean crooked?  I used a ruler and everything.”

Jungkook started to chuckle lightly, my eyes shot up to his fact which was only about a foot away from mine.  “I hoped that would take care of your stutter.”

I smiled slightly, my eyes drifting back down to the sketch as I tilted my head to make sure his nose wasn’t crooked.

“It’s not crooked.” My voice held a slight tone of indignation.

Jungkook laughed again as he handed my sketchpad back over to me.  I plopped back down on the ground in a huff as I turned the book upside down and around to check it from other angles.  “It’s not.”

“I know,” Jungkook’s voice was playful as he picked up his own pad again this time he was writing something in the lower corner.

“Are you done already?” My voice raised in awe at the flourish with which he wrote his signature on the paper.

“Yeah, I finished it yesterday for the most part; I was just smoothing out some of the lines and adding shading.”  Jungkook shrugged his shoulders like it was no big deal.

“Can I see it?”  I asked my voice full of awe.

Jungkook’s doe eyes looked back up at me in shock, his own cheeks turning pink under my gaze.  With slight hesitation he handed the sketchpad over to me, mumbling something about not touching it to mess up the shading.

My eyes scanned over the whole page taking in my own face on paper and not in a mirror.  I’d never seen myself from someone else’s point of view before, but I was seeing it now. I was seeing what Jungkook saw when he looked at me.

The pose was of me sitting in what appeared to be the library based on the large window in the background of the portrait, the shadow of a desk and books scattered in front of me.  My hair was swept to the side, hiding my face from those to my back, but not to the person across from me.  I knew this spot.  I even knew this pose.  It was the seat I always sat in at the back of the library by the large window surrounded by stacks of books, my back always to the rest of the room.  Jungkook always sat across from me and now I knew why.

Even through black and white on paper I could see the way he captured the light reflecting on my face, parts of it were in shadow, others were the color of the paper underneath, white and highlighted.  My brows were creased a little bit and I was biting my lower lip in concentration. Every detail was laid out on paper before me and I was in complete shock.

Jungkook not only managed to do this over the course of the previous class period, but he had to have worked on it after school as well.  The amount of detail he’d put into this showed way too much work and made my half completed portrait look like amateur hour.

“Wow,” My eyes lifted from the pad in front of me to Jungkook who sat patiently his eyes trained on my face as he waited for my feedback.

“I-I don’t,”

“Noona, I thought we got past the stuttering,” Jungkook chided his tone playful as his lips parted in his signature bunny smile.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts, my eyes drifting down his piece in front of me.  “I don’t even know what to say.”

“Ouch, noona, you wound me.”  Jungkook’s hands immediately went up to grasp at his heart his brow furrowed in mock pain.

“All of this,” I paused.  “All of this, from memory?  You didn’t even use a picture or anything?”

Jungkook didn’t take his eyes off mine as he shook his head.  My heart dropped again, my stomach doing flips as the reality came crashing down around me.

“Hey you two, it’s time to go back in,” My head shot up to see one of the girls from our class motioning for us to go back inside the classroom.

Silently, Jungkook and I gathered up our things as we made our way back to the school in silence.  I was still too stunned to speak, but Jungkook’s spirits seem to have lifted a bit more.

They continued to lift as Ms. Park gushed over Jungkook’s technique and his clear talent with art.  He smiled widely as she handed the pad back to him her smile wide as she took mine to go over what I have done.

“Very nice, Y/N, especially for someone who had a fear of drawing people when entering this class.  I can tell you really know your subject from what you have done already.”  My cheeks flushed with the praise, I was used to her admiring my landscapes, but when it came to our previous people assignments, I mostly got a kind smile and nothing more.

“I see the eyes still need a little work though; maybe try an expression that is more natural, less posed.”

I nodded in thanks and took my sketchbook back glancing down at the half done eyes.  She was right, and my mind drifted back to a little while ago when I had asked Jungkook to see his sketch.  He’d given me such a soft expression of genuine shock, his eyes were wide with surprise, but soft, I had grown accustomed to it.  His lips had been parted just slightly in surprise as well, but they’d quickly lifted at the corners into a soft smile.

Flipping the sketchpad closed I carefully placed it in my bag with my pencil case as I headed out of the classroom with Jungkook in tow.  We bid farewell, I explained that I had the perfect expression in mind for his eyes, but I wanted it to be a surprise for the final reveal.  I received a small pout in return, Jungkook’s pouty bottom lip jutting out in sadness as he tried to plead with me to let him see it before that, but I only waved him off going up the stairs to my locker to switch some of my books around.

I didn’t see Taehyung or Jimin around the lockers when I arrived or even as I was finishing up.  Sighing heavily, I was thankful to avoid Jimin this time, but I was sad not to see Taehyung as he was almost always at his locker after school.

I was halfway down the front stairs by the cafeteria when I heard my name coming from the gym area.  Jimin was waving me over enthusiastically.

“Y/N!” Jimin shouted again as he continued waving frantically.  He was alone, it looked like he was just coming from the showers as his hair was still dripping a bit, but he seemed to not notice or care.

Cautiously, I walked over to him.  This whole day we’d equally been awkward around each other in an attempt to not bring up the kiss from last night, but here was, now, waving me over.

“Hi,” I said breathlessly, my lips forming a crooked and cautious smile, my hands gripped onto my bag strap a little tighter.  Jimin’s eyes took in my clenched hands and smiled warmly.

“Hi, yourself,” His eyes glowed with mischief.  “Look, Y/N, I just wanted to talk to you about last night.”

“Jimin, I-”

Jimin held up a hand silencing my protest.  “Please, let me finish.  I shouldn’t have sprung that on you.”

My cheeks flushed pink as I recalled the kiss, his tender touch; even if it hadn’t been the one I wanted.

“I, I screwed up.”

My eyes widened in shock, mouth opened to speak, but Jimin hurried on.

“I shouldn’t have kissed you like that.  It was wrong, I get that now, but” Jimin stuffed his hands in the front pockets of his jeans sheepishly.  “I’m glad I did.  Because if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have realized that my feelings for you weren’t as deep as I always thought.

“Can we start over?”

My eyes widened at Jimin’s words, his warm brown eyes were filled with hope, a small smile tugging on his lips.

The sound of a loud thump broke the both of us out of the moment.  Jimin turned, which allowed me to see past him at the sound – or rather who made the sound.