🥀𝔐𝔢𝔪𝔢𝔫𝔱𝔬 𝔐𝔬𝔯𝔦🥀

I was 20.

Right in the middle of becoming someone.

I hadn’t finished my training yet.

I hadn’t figured out who I was.

I hadn’t experienced the things I thought we would talk about one day.

Love.

Marriage.

A future I was still building.

And you were supposed to be there for all of it.

You were supposed to see me grow.

See me succeed.

See me become someone I’m proud of.

But you never will.

You will never see the life I’m creating.

You will never meet the person I might fall in love with.

You will never know the version of me that came after you.

And that breaks something in me every time I think about it.

Because you didn’t just miss my life…

you missed my hardest moments too.

You weren’t there when I was at my lowest.

When I went through a relationship that broke me in ways I didn’t think were possible.

I needed you.

And you weren’t there.

And I hate that I even feel angry about that.

Because it’s not your fault.

But it’s still my reality.

I’m angry that I had to survive things without you.

I’m angry that I had to grow without you.

I’m angry that the person who was supposed to know me the longest…

doesn’t know who I am anymore.

And at the same time…

I miss you more than anything.

I wish you could see me now.

Not because everything is perfect.

But because I made it through things you never got to witness.

And sometimes it feels like I’m living a life that you were meant to be part of.

But instead, I carry you through it alone.

In every step.

In every version of me you’ll never meet.

And that’s the part no one talks about.

Grief isn’t just missing someone from the past.

i hate that whatever they say about grief is true. you remember. it stays so you learn to grow around it. missing you keeps you alive somehow. i’m supposed to learn something from this. but i wish i didn’t know what this felt like at all. i wish i was more brave. every day is impossible. and it should be. how dare the world go on. how dare the sun be this warm. how dare anything. and everything. what i would give. but none of it matters, you’re gone.