lili :: lilith

A broad, rough around the edges farmer with green eyes, a scar at the corner of his mouth, and a quiet way of taking care of things without making a fuss. He'd towed the car, given you place to stay, and offered a roof over your head for the whole month without asking for a thing in return.

Even Scout, his cattle dog who usually kept his distance from strangers, had taken a liking to you instantly, curling up at your feet like you'd belonged all along. What started as an awkward rescue quickly spiraled into weeks of slow, heavy tension—long looks over the dinner table, subtle brushes of calloused hands, and late nights spent on the porch swing watching the endless sky.

And now, all that lingering tension had finally snapped.

Here you were, looking out over the open yard while riding this farmer's thick cock out under the vast country sky, your back pressed against his chest as you moved. What had initially started as innocent stargazing on the porch swing had quickly turned into you bouncing helplessly on Toji's veiny dick.

Back in the city, the night sky was always washed out—drowned in neon streetlights and tall buildings that hid the horizon. But on the ranch, the sky felt impossibly massive, with thousands of bright stars that seemed to watch over the endless paddocks.

The cool air was biting against your bare skin—however, the chill was completely drowned out by the heat between you and Toji. Back pressed against his solid chest, a heavy denim jacket and thick woollen blanket barely kept your lap covered—hiding the pink silk nightgown hiked all the way up around your waist, your soaked panties long discarded somewhere on the wooden floorboards.

Warm light bled from the porch lamp, casting soft shadows across the deck while those stars stretched overhead.

A large, calloused hand gripped firmly onto your hip, as his other arm wrapped tightly around your waist, locking you to his body as he shifted beneath you. The movement was a slow and deep thrust that made you gasp, your eyes darting to the sea of stars as the sound echoed through the quiet night. "Ah—wait...you're so deep."

And as Toji dragged his thumb right over your throbbing clit, a sharp, needy whine tore from your throat "Please... right there—it's too much," you gasped while arching slightly off his chest. But a firm grip on those hips kept you right where Toji wanted you. He guided you over his length, leaving trembling fingers clutching desperately at the sleeves of his flannel as plush thighs slapped against his groin, making a loud, soaking mess every time you hit his lap.

"Quiet, darlin'," Toji whispered in your ear, his warm breath fanning across your neck while sharp stubble prickled your soft skin. "Scout's asleep, and the whole valley doesn't need to hear how good i'm makin' you feel. Stretching out this sweet pussy." His slow and deep thrusts continued the steady movement. "Unless you want 'em to know," he teased, a slight smirk tugging at his lips.

Every time your body rose and sank back down, that thick, veiny cock buried itself completely inside your wet cunt, hitting you balls-deep. The heavy leaks of his pre-cum mixed with your own arousal, turning every slow stroke into a messy, squelching rhythm. The blunt tip struck your sweet spot every single time until your whole frame went limp. Being stretched out so thoroughly—so slowly and deep—had breathless whimpers and moans spilling from your lips.

Toji placed both hands on your hips and tightened his grip, pulling you slightly higher up his dick until only the head remained hooked inside you, teasing the swollen entrance as a gooey ring of white cream coated the base of his cock. The denim jacket and woollen blanket slipped entirely off your lap, tumbling onto the wooden floorboards and leaving you now completely exposed. Whining at the sudden emptiness.

"T-Toji...please." You squirmed, attempting to sink back down, but he held you in place, enjoying the sight of your trembling thighs and the milky sheen coating your stretched-out, glistening entrance.

"Look at you. Squeezin' my dick like you're never gonna let go," Toji chuckled, planting a sharp, playful smack to your bare ass that made you sob and squirm even more. "Got me leakin' all over your thighs before i've even finished with you."

With a desperate whine, you forced your hips down against his tip, slick glazing his cockhead. Satisfied with your reaction, Toji let out a low hum and yanked you straight down, driving every single inch back into your core in one brutal stroke.

"A-ah shit..." The sudden fullness made you moan, your head falling back against his shoulder, vision blurring as you stared blindly up into the endless, star-dusted sky. Your hands gripped his muscular thighs while he held you pinned against his groin.

Overwhelmed by the sheer fullness, you turned your head to the side, burying your face in the crook of his neck—inhaling the scent of his 3-in-1 body wash and the cigarette he'd smoked earlier.

His calloused hand left your waist, sliding up to cradle the side of your face. Big, rough fingers cupped your jaw, tilting your head back until his green eyes met yours in the dim light. Without a word, Toji captured your lips in a deep, filthy kiss. His tongue slipped past your teeth to meet yours, swallowing the high, desperate noises you made while his other hand remained locked onto your hip—grinding you down onto him over and over until the mess between your legs was dripping down his thighs, soaking right through his pants.

Your core had turned slick and sticky, the wet friction slapping loudly against the quiet background of the night. Every slow thrust made your walls clench helplessly around his dick.

"Fuck, darlin'..." Toji rasped, nudging your back forward so you leaned over your own lap.

From behind, he could admire the filthy sight of your body taking every inch of him, the white froth bubbling at your entrance with every deep plunge. His fingers dug into your hips as he lifted you higher again—pulling you off almost to his tip—then guided you back down all the way, taking every single girthy inch until his pelvis slammed against your ass. "Look how deep you're takin' me. Cunt swallowing my cock whole, milkin' me like a good girl."

A soft broken groan escaped you, fingers digging into his firm thighs as he forced your body to keep bouncing at that deep and wet pace. He shifted his posture beneath you, spreading his legs wider on the swing to let you sink deeper, his hips grinding in circles inside your aching walls that made your eyes roll back.

Looking over your shoulder, your eyes met his. Toji had a faint smirk tugging at the corner of his scarred mouth.

"Pretty little city girl out here taking a good ol' farmer's cock like your pussy was built just for it," he teased, reaching around front to pull down the neckline of your silk nightgown.

He exposed your bare tits to the cool air, letting them bounce freely every time you sank all the way down onto his dick. His rough palm molded the soft, plush skin before his thumb and forefinger pinched your hardened nipple, pulling a ragged sob straight from your lungs. "M-mm—feels so good..." Your head tossed back, as your tits bounced in sync.

His grip on your hips tightened, slamming you onto his length. The porch swing creaked violently against the pace. No longer slow, he bucked his hips upward, driving himself right against your cervix with wet, heavy slaps that had you crying out.

You bounced helplessly in his lap—every time he bucked upward, the wet squelch of your sticky skin echoed off the wooden porch, streaks of warm cream coating his cock and your sticky entrance.

"You like being stretched out on my porch, darlin'?" Toji murmured, planting another hard smack on your ass before soothing the stinging skin with his rough palm.

He cupped your jaw, pressing your back flat against his chest as he tilted your head up, trailing hot kisses down your throat. "You like knowin' i'm about to stuff this tight cunt full of my cum?"

Yes! Toji—fuck, yes!" You moaned, fingers digging into his thighs as you continued to grind frantically against his lap. Your cunt clamped down around him, your inner walls clenching onto his length. "F-fuck—i'm cumming—i'm—"

"Mhm, take it," he whispered against your ear. Toji's thumb rubbing your swollen clit one last time. And as your orgasm crashed over you, your walls fluttered, squeezing his length while you stared helplessly at the stars. And with a low grunt, he drove himself upward one last time, burying himself balls-deep, holding you pinned to his lap.

Hot, thick ropes of cum spurted deep inside your pulsing cunt, stuffing you full to the brim. He groaned against your neck as he pumped his warm seed into you, making sure not a single ounce was wasted, hot cream leaking out around his dick and dripping onto his thigh.

He didn't pull out. He kept you pressed against him, driving himself in just an extra fraction of an inch, making sure every drop stayed inside you.

Neither of you moved. You slumped entirely against his chest, chests heaving and sticky, while Toji held you close—his cock still buried deep, keeping you completely stuffed as you both admired the stars overhead.

a/n: ig u could say toji made her see stars el oh el also wtf 1k?! someone eat me out rn 😗👀 thank u guys sm✌️genuinely appreciate every single one of u #muchluv <3

dividers: @honeyluvsw @mattflvwr

at this point, your eyes widened ever so slightly in utter puzzlement, tilting your head a little. "wait, who?"

"you guys are the one to talk. i'm still waiting for you two to date." you attempt to counter yourself within the existing conversation, which causes for both jill and chris to spare a brief glance toward one another.

"oh come on— you know who she means!"

you furrowed your brows in utter confusion while mentally debating on the potential possibilities regarding to the person they're actually referring to. but before you can question them further, the sounds of newly-arrived footsteps seemingly approaches towards where you guys are.

"ah, speak of the devil..."

and of course, it's wesker out of all people to have appeared.

"good morning, captain." jill casually greets, trying to suppress a small smirk from forming upon noticing the fact that wesker himself made himself comfortable by taking up the space of the seat exactly next to you.

you can't do much— simply shifting slightly to the side, allowing him to do so further. but the mere, familiar scent that clearly marks solely as his fills your senses immediately, which automatically causes your heart to pound a bit rapidly than intended.

wesker simply nodded in acknowledgement, having ordered a simple, black coffee which matches his general demeanor, to you at least.

but he could've sat anywhere else? not that you minded the fact he's sitting next to you, no. the reality itself has hit you differently, and you're almost unsure as to how to properly react.

fortunate person? or even a total coincidence because there's a space next to you?

"ohh i need to use the toilet real quick!" chris' words cut through the otherwise still moment, rushing toward where the toilet is, presumably. and before you could speak, anything at least, jill has excused herself to 'look at the menu to see if she could make an order again'. which both confuses and irritates you dearly, admittedly speaking.

or are they doing it on purpose? nonetheless, you couldn't contain your chamber of thoughts to scream internally.

it's like a few minutes filled with silence that follows after. wesker with his coffee, and you with your chosen drink as you mentally debated whether to make a small talk with him or not at all. it's not like he'd willingly engaged with one, right?

but it's the fact that he manages to beat you to it that genuinely catches you off guard once more.

"i hope they didn't cause you any trouble."

"oh, they didn't."

"if anything—" you added, finally lifting your gaze to land upon his gorgeously sculpted side profile. "maybe i'm the one to even cause it first."

"i don't think you ever do."

you opened your mouth to reply to his direct statement, before shutting it back again as you've returned to your awkward self, continuing with your drink instead.

how surprising, jill and chris are still nowhere to be seen. those two evil gremlins...

however, something made your eyes to widen by instinct; warmth rushes to your cheeks as one of wesker's hand tenderly wipes away the tiniest bit of food crumbs somewhere near where your lips are. it's not helping you at all, wanting to melt and explode altogether at the same spot.

"come on." dear gods, how you wish you had the ability to stay composed as he is. "let's get going."

but little do you know, wesker absolutely finds it delightful toward your smallest reactions at him, and he'd be probably dead by the time if you, out of all people, to ever find out about it.

She tries to be chill, to act cool but before she can stop herself, she's nodding fast, getting up and taking your hand to go with her to her own room. You're used to this, in fact, you know exactly what you're going to do. Once you step into Maomao's room, you two are going to lay in bed and not move for at least an hour.

You let Maomao tug you along the hallway, her small hand warm in yours and her tail swishing happily behind her. The door to her room clicks shut softly and she doesn't waste a second. She kicks off her shoes and climbs onto the bed first, patting the spot next to her.

You smile and settle down beside her, stretching out on your back with a tired little groan. "Come here, silly girl."

Maomao hesitates for half a second, ears twitching, then scoots right over. She curls up against you like it's the most natural thing in the world, pressing her face gently between your breasts with a content sigh. Her soft cat ears brush your skin, you can already feel her relaxing, the tension melting out of her shoulders.

You also relax with her, your hand finds its way to the back of her head without thinking. Fingers stroke her tenderly behind the ears, you already know how she likes it. It doesn't take long before she's purring against you.

"You know," you whisper after a quiet minute, still petting her, "you don't have to wait for me to look all worn out. You can just ask if you want cuddles."

She freezes for a beat, then shakes her head without lifting it. Instead she burrows a little deeper, nose nuzzling closer, the idea of saying it out loud is too much!! Her tail curls around your leg, holding on.

You laugh softly under your breath. "Okay, okay. Message received."

You two fall into silence again, you're already a bit sleepy when you sense Maomao shifting a tiny bit. "Can... can I hold one of them?"

You smile at how careful she sounds. "Hold what?"

You can hear her sigh low, resting her chin between your breasts to look up at you. "You know..."

"I don't, actually," you tease, your hand threading through her dark green hair.

"Are you gonna make me say out loud that I want to hold one of your breasts?" She blinks slowly.

That makes you smile and you nod. "You can even hold both of them, if you're feeling greedy."

She makes the happiest sound and gently cups one breast in her palm, not even squeezing it. Her purr kicks up louder and she snuggles in even more, eyes half-closed in pure bliss.

You keep stroking her ears, watching the way her tail flicks contentedly every few seconds. Neither of you are moving any time soon.

Steam practically pours out of your ears as you search for the perfect revenge. You find it in the form of the six-foot something hulk of a man that Toji calls his best friend. Ryomen Sukuna. Campus flirt who doesn’t care if the girl he sleeps with has a girlfriend. You deliberately sway your hips as you walk over, though you don’t need to. Honestly, the man’s had his eyes on you since Toji came home from your first date, and you haven’t exactly discouraged his advances. 

Months of flirting, hair twirling, joking, and sharing secrets come down to this moment. This moment, with his lips on yours, your hand tugging on his pink hair. His hands are on your waist, occasionally squeezing to make you giggle. It’s all heat, no real feelings, just a girl seeking revenge and a guy hoping that he’ll get laid. Toji, and his little stunt with Gojo and Geto, are completely forgotten as you let Sukuna devour you. 

Well, at least until a strong hand wraps around your wrist and pulls you away. You don’t need to look at Toji to know that he’s mad. The way that he pulls you to the back porch speaks for itself. You’re expecting an argument, they’ve become your only form of communication in recent weeks. What you aren’t expecting is the way that he spits at the ground in front of you. 

“Okay, Toji, that’s just gross!” 

“Oh, I’m sorry, princess, you just didn’t seem too worried about germs when you had my best friend’s tongue halfway down your throat. I swear, you’re such a fucking slut, whoring yourself out to anyone who pays you any attention.” 

“Well maybe if you paid me some attention-” 

“Don’t turn this on me. You’re constantly doing this shit.” 

“So are you! God, if I had a penny for every time you flirted with Gojo, I could dump your sorry ass!” 

“We’ve talked about that. It isn’t cheating babe. I’m not gay. It’s just... experimenting. Everyone experiments in college.” 

Your eyes roll at the pathetic excuse. Toji knows that you’re not mad that he’s kissed a guy. You’re an asshole but you’re not homophobic (gotta draw the line somewhere I guess). 

“It is cheating, Toji! Your closeted ass is just too much of a coward to come out!” 

“I’m not having this conversation with you again!” 

You watch as the vein on his forehead becomes more prominent before he yells “I’m so fucking done with you!” 

He’s expecting tears, an apology, for you to beg for forgiveness. But instead, he watches as you raise an eyebrow, cross your arms, and say “Do me a favour and leave me then.” 

An uncomfortable silence settles around you, the air thick with your fury, as you step towards the black haired man. You press a hand to his shoulder and shove him backwards. “Is that what you’re gonna do, Toji? You gonna leave me?” You step towards him with every shove that you give him.  

Behind you, the screen door opens before Toji can reply. Gojo stands in the doorway, deliberately ignoring the tension to say “Truth or Dare? Shoko stole these cards from her roommate.” 

It’s almost comical how quickly you both change your moods. Because not even five minutes later you’re sat in the kitchen beside Toji, leant into his side and occasionally pressing kisses to his jaw and cheek. No one questions this, this is beyond normal for the two of you. 

The game begins and you observe for a while, watching your friends embarrass themselves. You’re sat between Toji and Shoko, occasionally giggling with the girl about the stupid events of the last frat party and how calm this one seems in comparison. The cards that she had stolen were stereotypical ‘truth or drink’ and ‘dare or drink’ questions. Gojo gives Geto a strip tease as you and Shoko cheer loudly; Choso takes a shot rather than revealing whether or not he’s still a virgin; Shoko admits to hooking up with Gojo in first year, stating that is ‘really confirmed that I’m gay’; Geto lets Choso pierce his ear with a sewing needle, and the crescendo dare, Toji has to ‘kiss the person to his left’ - a.k.a Ryomen Sukuna.  

The group cheer again and you mumble to Shoko that this is your ‘favourite forbidden yaoi’. Clearly your voice wasn’t quiet enough because Toji glares at you when he breaks the kiss, while his best friend simply winks at you. Your boyfriend chucks two cards your way, letting you choose between truth or dare. You choose truth, assuming it’ll be safer. 

“What song describes your current relationship?” 

Something shifts in the room as the group prepare for a fight between yourself and Toji. But instead, you choose to do some damage control. 

“Oh, easy. Juno for sure.” 

The smirk on your boyfriend’s face makes it clear that you’d made the right call. As he pulls you back into his side, you catch Sukuna rolling his eyes. Choso blushes across the table, choking on his drink as he realises what song you were talking about, and Geto gags dramatically. 

The party had ended hours ago but you’re still here. With him. In his bed. After your smooth answer in truth or dare you and Toji had floated back to a loud but happy state, flirting, kissing, scaring Choso out of his pure, innocent mind. It was inevitable, Toji Fushiguro is like a drug. And you are well and truly hooked. 

Currently, your monster of a boyfriend was sprawled on top of you, buzzing from the way you had complimented his skills in the bedroom. His hands are on your waist, holding you in place, not with love, but more like he’s trying to stop you from escaping. His lips are attached to your neck and while you should be present in the moment, you had zoned out quite a while ago.  

Occasionally, you let out little hums to keep him happy, but really you’re trying to decide what colour you should get your nails painted. Probably blue, maybe red. Toji hates red. That’ll be funny. 

You’re snapped out of your thoughts when Toji’s hands start travelling downwards. You could tell him to stop, say you’re not in the mood. But that would be too easy. So instead, you glare and shove him away. The look he sends you is confused and a little hurt but you just go back to studying your nails. 

The mattress shifts as Toji rolls to face away from you, muttering the word “prude” under his breath. His disappointment doesn’t last long as you hear his heavy snores within minutes. You close your own eyes and try to sleep, but peace doesn’t find you. Instead, your mind flicks back to your truth or dare question. 

“What song describes your current relationship?” 

Juno obviously worked. It was seemingly the obvious choice. 

But... 

Bad reviews works so much better. 

I’ve heard all the bad news and the bad reviews, couple bad gut feelings, well, I’ve had them too. 

Rumours from before you started dating Toji run through your mind. 

‘He’s got a new girl everyday’ 

‘He gets irrationally angry’ 

‘He’ll break you’ 

You’d ignored them, assuming the girls were just jealous exes. And I mean, you weren’t exactly well-renowned before Fushiguro. In fact, most of your exes hate you now. 

‘You’re crazy’ 

‘You have no self-respect.’ 

‘I can’t be with someone who needs to control every aspect of my life.’ 

In the past, you’d chalked these bad reviews up to your exes not being able to handle you. Much like Toji’s exes, you assumed that they were bitter. 

Maybe your first date should have been the wake up call. You definitely had a bad gut feeling at that cafe. 

You had argued about everything. What to order, who would pay, whose place to go back to afterwards. There was no indication that things would ever go smoothly between the pair of you. 

Toji had spent the date very obviously ogling you. Sure, your top had been deliberately low-cut, but he was shameless with it, staring without any hesitation.  

You’d felt no connection. At all. The man sat opposite you in that cafe could have been any other man. To you he was just someone to fill the void that you hoped could healed by a relationship. 

Been alone for so long, I’ve got something to prove. If I close and eye, it’s almost like your red flags are blue. 

It’d been a year since your last real relationship when you met Toji. Sure, you’d had hook ups and pointless flings, but your mother was getting on at you now. You had just entered your final year of college, and your mother decided that it was prime time to ask when you were going to settle down. So you asked him out. And even though the date was disastrous, you kept seeing him to keep your mother off of your back. It was wrong, and you were leading him on, but he didn’t truly care. He used it as an opportunity to cheat. If you got mad, he’d just throw it in your face that you didn’t love him and he ‘felt lonely’. 

You’re aware of Toji’s red flags. He has a plethora of them. 

He shouts 

He insults you 

He cheats 

He’s cold one minute and all over you the next 

He buys you endless gifts and showers you with affection, and then he’ll neglect you for a week. 

But you can live with that. You can live with all of it. I mean, it’s no different from your parents’ relationship. You’ve been raised around the yelling, and drinking, and fighting. You’d prayed that they’d get divorced. But they stayed together. And isn’t that what love is about?  Staying, even when it hurts? 

You’d just learned about postmemory for an essay on your course. You didn’t understand it fully, but what you did know was that it involved a parent or two parents passing on trauma to their children from their own lived experiences. 

Maybe that’s what this was. You’d grown up around it, so it’s what you believed love was. The red flags were blaringly red in front of your face. But they were familiar and they felt weirdly safe. Rather than feeling like a cloth in front of a bull, the red was more like a strawberry. A little sour, and weird in texture, but nice overall. 

I’m intentionally careless, at least I got self awareness. 

You’re aware that you aren’t innocent in this relationship. 

You don’t think before speaking 

You lose Toji’s things: his hoodies, his keys, his headphones 

You flirt with other people at the first sign of Toji pulling away. 

But you acknowledge these flaws. So it’s okay. Right? That’s how it works, right?

Just want someone to love me who doesn’t 

A loud snore temporarily brings you out of your thoughts, and your gaze falls to the man beside you. He’s sleeping peacefully, his back to you. You feel well and truly empty. Why couldn’t you be in a relationship with someone you love, and someone who loves you back? Oh well, you always loved a challenge.

All the friends tryna save me, well, I, I cut them loose. 

Since dating Fushiguro your amount of friends had halved. Girls who you used to call your sisters had pulled away, exhausted of trying to help you, just for you to ignore their advice and get yourself hurt again. Shoko had given up trying, but you still saw the way her jaw would tense when Toji started shouted. Geto had taken Toji’s side, you can’t remember the last time he spoke to you. 

Still I choose to be in love with you. 

Your gaze drifts back to Toji and you can’t help the smile that tugs on your lips. You gently move towards him and nestle against his back. He hums but doesn’t push you away. In that moment, it feels worth it. All of your flaws, all of his. You can cope with them. You’d rather be broken together than healed and alone.

If your parents could stay together, so could you.  

You had to.  

Because if you leave then you have to admit that you were wrong about him. 

And if he leaves you then you have to admit that you’re flawed. 

And you aren’t sure which is worse anymore.

A/N: Okay first of all: I'm gonna define postmemory cus I realise it's not a commonly known thing. Postmemory is a term coined by Marianne Hirsch that essentially describes the relationship between a teaumatic events and the children of the people who experienced the trauma. (e.g. In Alison Bechdel's Fun Home her mother was married to a closeted gay man who was also an awful person. As a result she didn't have a positive reaction to Alison coming out as a lesbian and Alison learned self-censorship from a young age).

Second of all: I am so proud of this fic. When I came up with the idea in January I immediately told sixxels (of course I did) and it has lived in my mind rent free since then. The plan for this was insane and also just so fun to create. This is my favourite idea to date.

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