Gabriel O'Donnell

It's okay, I've got plot armor. I'm basically the main character, I can't die.

Obviously, you've never watched Rogue One, my friend. Or Titanic.

“Aw, they're just trying to weed out the weak,” she joked back, giving him a little nudge. Her eyes landed on a huge stuffed bear then, dressed as a ballerina and her eyes lit up. “Oh Gabe, look how precious she is!” she exclaimed, pointing towards the game.

The ballerina-bear game looked to be one of those "toss balls at increasingly difficult targets" kind of games (in true university fashion, Gabe was sure that at least three of the targets involved macgyvered alcohol bottles). "Do you wanna try to win the thing? Not sure if it'd fit in your room." One thing Gabe had learned early on was that there was always enough room for plushes.

What do you mean?!? That's so uncalled for. You wound me. Everyone knows I'd be the lady running with a flare in stilettos.

Because alerting the carnivores to your location, wearing inappropriate footwear, is definitely not asking for a Darwin Award.

[text]: hell yeah, where are you heading? i can meet you there

[text]: I'm just locking my bike, I'll be in in like a minute with a backpack full of dinosaur travel mugs

[text]: The student union's got some stuff going on today, you wanna head there after or did you have something else in mind?

[text]: hell yeah, where are you heading? i can meet you there

[text]: Do you want me to bring you a travel mug?

Hmmm... I do vaguely remember the T. Rex eating that guy in the outhouse. What a way to go.

Riley, you would be the guy in the outhouse.

I guess at least you can always say that you fought a dinosaur and lived to tell the tale. Not many people can say that.

It was less a fight than head-on-collision that he swears was just a bear hug. Don't get bear hugged by tyrannosaurs. Good way to get taken out of the evolutionary chain.

Riiiight... okay. So you're saying we should buy them Arcteryx jackets instead of fridges? I heard those jackets are really warm.

It pains me to ask you this as a self-respecting palaeontologist - but have you ever watched Jurassic Park?

I mean that and like... fire? From the meteor? How else would they have died? Some ancient dinosaur disease?!?

...WHICH IS NOT THE POINT. It took over thirty-thousand years (conservatively) for the terrestrial dinosaurs to go extinct after impact. Some dinos in the wrong place at the wrong time may have been squashed or flambéed, but most died off as the result of massive global cooling from the dust kicked up by the asteroid impact. The mean global temperature may have been below freezing for around three years as its coolest. That's not good for cold blooded creatures that can't freeze solid and live to tell the tale.

"Their recruitment methods are... interesting. A+ job with the inflatable dinosaur costumes, but I think that they may be scaring off more students than they are attracting. Wait... bodychecked by a velociraptor? I would ask if they hired a small child to wear that costume, but then again the small army of tyrannosauruses are not exactly to scale either..."

Considering that the costume was definitely Jurassic World branded, I'd be more worried that they were called Velociraptors at all (Based on size alone they'd have to be Utahraptors) more than their scale. But no, it was not a small child. His name was Hank and Hank weighed about eighty pounds more than I did at the time. I had to get a wrist x-ray. Good times.

Hold up, I thought the dinosaurs died because of a meteor. Like WABAM 🔥 Mass extinction, no more dinos.

You know, this started out as a joke because I do have a sense of humour. But you think dinosaurs died because they got squashed?

Too bad dinosaurs didn't have fridges 5 gazillion years ago, maybe then they wouldn't have perished.

I - okay. You know fridges make things colder and that was kind of a problem for dinosaurs, right?

"Trying to decide if I should be worried or amused that there are a bunch of students running around in dinosaur costumes terrorizing a bunch of freshman..."

"it's called recruitment, Yuri. I'm looking out of the window at them, they have flyers. I got bodychecked by a velociraptor my first day."