even stars burn out

There was so much tension in the tiny car that you were sure that the air was getting hotter by the second and the car would explode like a balloon. And there was absolutely nothing you could do to make it any easier on yourself. If you were to start talking to Anakin, you feared that you would say something that you regretted, but if you were to keep sitting here silently like an idiot there was no way that awkwardness wouldn’t follow. 

You positioned yourself so that your legs were crossed and your knees faced the door of the car, angled slightly away from him. Every so often you would look into the front mirror and catch his eyes, looking at you with an intensity you’d never seen from anyone else before. You were surely just imagining it. 

Right? 

When the car took another exit off of the highway and merged onto the one going north, you heard him sigh from next to you. “You’re not much for conversation, are you?” He asked in a playful tone. Great, now he thought that you were some weirdo who didn’t want to talk the entire car ride there. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to talk to him, it was that you were sure you could blow this whole situation out of proportion with only a few sentences. The way that you felt around Anakin was nothing like you had felt before and frankly, it was beginning to terrify you just a little bit at how much you liked him. You had only known him for a few weeks or so. Though, in those two weeks you kept wanting him more and more with each passing day. “Or are you just tired?” 

“Not tired,” You answered. “I guess I’m just not sure what to talk about. I’m not sure if we have anything in common.” Good, maybe this way you could get the attention off of yourself and he would talk about his life. Like his kids or his beautiful wife, and you would listen no matter what because it was at least better than you blurting out how stupidly handsome you thought that he was. 

He chuckled. “I guess you’re right. The only thing you really know about me are the kids and Padmé, and the fact that we’re next door neighbors.” 

“Exactly my point.” 

“Well, you also know that I’m a lawyer. I went to Northwestern School of Law and graduated not too long ago and I own a firm with one of my friends: Obi-Wan. We also hired a few of our law school friends,” He explained. “Padmé and I moved here because it wasn’t a long commute and to work on our marriage.” 

You raised your eyebrow. Now that was some interesting news. Anakin and his wife seemed to have the perfect marriage, but was it all just some sort of show? Was there something that was preventing them from being a perfect, happy family? There was also the question of why he was telling you all of this. He didn’t know you all that well . . . Unless he wanted you to know the information for a specific reason. You wouldn’t get your hopes up, however, and simply hummed in response and tried to think of a response. Well, since he was telling you this, maybe you could get some more information as to what is going on. “What is going wrong in your marriage, you and Padmé seem so happy together.” 

“I’m glad it seems that way. We’re really trying to make a good impression on the neighborhood, you know, being the new people in town. There were some problems out in the city with a guy named Rush Clovis and her getting into something bad with another firm owned by a guy named Maul.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” 

“It’s okay, we’re working on it.” 

“Then why did you leave the dinner party to come with me? Don’t you think you should be with your wife?” 

Perhaps that question went a little far, because Anakin stayed silent for a moment and when you turned to look at him, his eyes were fixated on the road, like he was intentionally making sure they were there so as to not give anything away. He sucked in a breath and shook his head, a few strands of hair fell onto his face, bouncing with their own curl. You wondered what it was like to run your hands through it, if it was really as soft as it seemed. Maybe he wanted to come with you because you weren’t making up this attraction towards him. 

A few more seconds passed before he said, “I guess I just really don’t like dinner parties.” 

You sighed to yourself, somewhat silently as to not draw attention to it. You don’t know what you were expecting. Some sort of declaration of love? He was married with two kids. There was no way that he would risk all of that for someone like you. Anakin was just being nice, that’s what you had to keep telling yourself so that all these dumb feelings would just go away. “Me neither,” You said, deciding to switch the conversation as much as you could so that maybe this now semi-awkward ride would go by just a little bit faster than it was going now. “My mom is always having them too. That’s how this whole neighborhood is though, so I would get used to it.” There were always a handful of dinner parties happening a week. Honestly you were surprised that your mother didn’t invite more people. 

After a bit more of small talk, you both arrived at your destination and you were quick to slip out of the car and grab what you needed. In less than five minutes, you came back to the car and found Anakin on the phone, muttering something to someone else. You only heard a little bit of it, but it sounded like it was his wife. Glancing at the time, you saw that it was getting late and that Padmé had probably decided to go home. Opening the door and getting into the car, Anakin muttered a small goodbye and hung up the phone, putting the car into drive and beginning your ride back. 

“Thanks for driving me again,” You said to him. “You’re already my favorite neighbor.” It was a tease, maybe a little flirty with the tone you put it into, but you were nervous going any farther. No matter how attractive Anakin was, he was still a married man and you didn’t want to give him the wrong impression if you were making your small amount of chemistry with him up. 

He stifled out a laugh, but it didn’t sound like a pity laugh, it sounded real. And for a moment you chuckled too, looking out the window at the array of street lights passing you by with each passing second. It was easy to zone out, that you didn’t even hear Anakin say anything to you. Instead you kept staring, that was until his hand came and rested on your thigh, shaking it as if to get your attention. That was enough to snap you out of your daze, jumping just a small bit and turning to look at him. His hand was still on your thigh and you didn’t even want it to go away. “I was asking you if you were going to the Shepherd wedding but you seemed to be in another world,” Anakin said. “What were you thinking about?” 

Well, if you keep your hand on my thigh, I won’t be thinking about anything. You thought to yourself, trying to keep a straight face as you attempted to formulate a sentence. What did he ask you about . . . The wedding! Two of the longest members of the cul de sac had a daughter who was getting married next weekend and all of you were invited, and they probably had extended the invitation to the Skywalker family, since everything about the neighborhood was accepting, as long as you stayed in between the lines that is. And considering Padmé was running politically, you were sure that the Shepherd’s were trying to get into their good graces. 

You took a deep breath. “Yes, I’ll be at the wedding. The bride is a close friend of mine, we went to high school together. They’re high school sweethearts, you know.” You didn’t know how Maria Shepherd was already ready for marriage, especially because you were the same age. You still felt young. And you were, maybe she was just ready for something you couldn’t even really think about. “I don’t know how she’s doing it. But they’ve loved each other since they were little.” 

“Marriage isn’t for everyone, but it sounds like they’re perfect for each other,” Anakin said. You nodded, shrugging your shoulders and looking down at his hand. For some reason, it felt perfect on your thigh, with just the right size to hold you, veins slightly popping out that made you take in another deep breath. 

The rest of the ride you two engaged in small talk. Once he parked in his driveway, you got out of the car with Julia’s laptop, walking around to say goodbye. He stood out of the car and gave you a smile, it made your stomach feel all fuzzy, but you tried your best to ignore it. “So I’ll see you tomorrow then? At the block party for the Fourth?” You asked him. 

“Yeah, I’ll see you then. Maybe you can tell me the inside scoop on everyone in the block, you seem to know a whole lot,” Anakin teased.

“Well, I wouldn’t want to take all the attention away from your wife.” 

“Oh, she’s not coming, something about a political strategy meaning, some sort of press stunt. What better day than the fourth?” 

You sighed. “Well, then I look forward to your company tomorrow.” 

“So do I. Goodnight, Y/N.” 

you walked up the stairs of the temple, making your way to anakin. it had been a while since you had seen him, since the war took both of you away with separate responsibilities. when you finally got there, you knocked on the door, waiting for the hushed come in and walked into his room, seeing anakin lean down and search through his nightstand’s drawer. he pulled out some sort of small box with a relieved sigh. “i always lose this thing,” he said, opening the box and pulling out something from his pocket, inserting it into the box. it was normal for jedi to keep some sort of mementos from their battles, and anakin was no different. you had known him long enough to know how these battles got to him, even if he was named ‘the hero with no fear’, you were smart enough to know that wasn’t always true. anakin then walked over to you and put his hands into yours. “you ready?”

both of you were going to go out to the lower sectors of coruscant, where both of you wouldn’t be noticed as much, and get some food. you two still wore cloaks and disguises just in case, but it was a way for you two to get away from the temple. 

you nodded. “but hold on a sec. i wanna do this first.” you stood on your tippy toes and kissed him, grasping onto his hands and holding them close to you. he hummed contently, tilting his head to deepen the kiss.

it was normal for the two of you to kiss. you guys kissed a whole lot in your relationship. but this was different. this kiss was more passionate in a way than the rest, more loving and needy. you thought that you were probably being crazy about the whole thing, that you were just making up the emotions you were feeling.

that was until anakin took his hands out of yours and put them on your waist, nudging you to walk closer to his bed. he was definitely feeling it too, it wasn’t just you. this time it felt like everything was in place. it was perfect.

your back pressed against the soft grey comforter of his bed, stomach filling with immense butterflies realizing what was finally happening. anakin was someone you trusted, someone you loved greatly. you wouldn’t have your first time with anyone else, and you knew that anakin felt the same way.

anakin kissed you with such an intensity you would’ve thought that he was being dramatic or something, but no, he just loved you so so much and wanted to show you. he wanted to touch you, kiss every inch of your skin, and most of all : anakin wanted you to feel how much he loved you. he was convinced that he would never be able to say it in words, there were only 26 letters in the galactic alphabet and as good as anakin seemed to have a way with words and charm, there was simply not enough letters and words in the entire world that would explain what he feels for you.

he’s tried - possibly a hundred times to try and explain it. you have done the same. the closest that he has ever gotten to pinpointing how intensely in love he was with you was by calling you home. you were his home. he would always come back to you, you were his roots. his foundation. you made him feel safe. each of you trusted each other more than any other person in this world and that is beautiful.

many people over the years tried to tell you that having an attachment wouldn’t work.

attachment leads to the dark side, master yoda would say. it’s what every single master said to you throughout your entire life. 

but to you anakin was worth the attachment. he was your friend turned lover, the leader of a whole battalion of clones. and although almost a year ago anakin almost lead you and the other jedi group towards what you all believed as a padawan to be impending doom on geonosis, you trusted him. you loved him. sure, all the jedi cared for each other, whether they wanted to admit it or not.  but it wasn’t the way you loved anakin. anakin was yours, and you were his.

his hands came to grip your sides, thumbs pressing against the soft fabric of your shirt. the contact caused a spark in your stomach, pulling the boy you loved even closer to you. your hands placed themselves on his shoulders, one of them snaking up so that it was caressing his cheek. soft skin under your fingertips made you shiver, feeling yourself get lost in the feeling of skin on skin contact. anakin sighed into your mouth, his tongue sliding lazily into your mouth and swiping across yours.

his hips rolled lazily against your own, not really intentional but more as a basic reflex. but the reaction that he got from you that made him realize that he should keep doing that. because the first time you felt his obvious hard on press against your core you were a blushing, almost moaning mess. you two had never been like this before. sure, there had been countless nights where you would make out for hours, kissing each others lips and necks. there was one time where you left his room with at least ten love marks peppered across your skin. this was different though, you two would see each other in each other’s entirety for the first time. and for what you hoped would just be the beginning.

your hands went down his neck and chest, fingers dancing idly along the bottom fabric of his shirt, lightly pulling as if to ask can i take this off? he pulled away from you, only for just a moment, and nodded his head, watching you with excitement as you pulled the first piece of fabric off of the night. his shirt was replaced with each of your hands, exploring with your fingers as if they were kissing his toned chest. his lips were attached to yours again, since you two couldn’t stay away from each other for more than about ten seconds.

surprisingly, anakin pulled away and looked down at your clothed chest, cheeks splaying a soft red tone. he didn’t have to say anything, you knew what he wanted. he wanted to see you, just like how you were seeing him now. giving him a bashful grin and taking your bottom lip in between your teeth, you nodded, grabbing his hands so that they were at the edge of your shirt.

you arched your back up so that it would be easily to slide the shirt off of you, and it was. anakin took no more time than necessary to pull it off, throwing it off the bed and into some unknown place in the room. a soft giggle left your lips and he smiled sheepishly, his hands returning to the same spot they had been on your sides before your shirt was off. instead he felt so much closer this time, his hands on your skin without any shirt over them. you reached behind you and unclasped your bra, sliding it off your shoulders and chest. there were a few times where he has slid his hands up your shirt before, but never off of you completely.

you always looked so beautiful.

just as beautiful as you looked here.

in fact, anakin thought that you would never not look beautiful to him.

“anakin,” you said in a soft tone, hands coming up to rest on both of his cheeks, forcing him to look at you into your eyes. “you can touch me, you know.”

right. anakin had been putting it off because he doesn’t want to do the wrong thing. what if he hurts you somehow? he didn’t know jack shit about touching a woman to make them feel good, at least not to his knowledge. but then again you were y/n. he knew deep down you didn’t care how he touched you, only that it was him touching you and only him.

you wanted no one else but anakin skywalker.

so anakin tentatively put his palm on your left breast, the contact nearly knocking your breath out of you. his head ducked down and pressed a soft kiss to the crook of your neck in between your jaw and neck. it was that one spot that drove you a little crazy, and he knew this because of your countless make out sessions.

his lips trailed down your neck, making a line with some spit all the way down to the valley of your breasts, where he hesitated for a moment. you weren’t impatient. if anything, you thought that it was cute that he was taking so much time and care with you. he made you feel so loved that it made your heart swell. your heartbeat picked up with every kiss that made its way across your skin. you swore that anakin, being so close to your chest, could probably hear how much your heart was banging against your ribs.

anakin started up again, instead of his lips going down they went across to your right breast, kissing all the way up to your sensitive bud and taking extra time kissing at it. the soft moans that fell from your lips made it harder and harder for anakin to concentrate. he could listen to those pretty noises you made forever. to know that he was the one that was making you feel so good and sigh in pleasure was the most addicting feeling in the whole world.

you were anakin skywalker’s drug.

you wined out his name, softly and sweetly. that sent a shock right down his body, making the need, the want, even that much more intense.

your hands came to his face to pull him away from his endless kisses and licks, looking into his beautiful blue eyes. “i want you,” you said desperately. “please anakin.”

you were basically begging for him at this point. if anakin was much of a talker as some others were, he would’ve said holy fuck at your words. he knew that he would have those five words engraved in his mind for the rest of his life, nothing could be more perfect than this.

you reached down and grabbed him in a soft way through his pants, making him groan out with no chances of even stopping it. it was so sudden and he was finally getting the attention that he so desperately needed. you palmed him through his pants, keeping your eyes on his face while you soaked him in unknown pleasure. it was different when it was your hand instead of his hand.

“i love you,” he muttered out, eyes opening half lidded towards you. and he did, he really really did. there was no one, no woman he would ever love more than you. if you would stay with him forever he knew that he would never ever have the desire to touch or kiss another woman ever again.

you smiled. “i love you too.”

he swatted your hands away and pressed his lips against yours again, shifting and moving until his pants were off and went to start working on yours. both hands of each of you worked to get your pants off. once they were, his hands began sliding and touching the skin right above your panty line, dancing closer and closer …

your fingertips were softly digging into the skin on his back, egging him on. you would think that what you were doing would bring him some type of pain, but it didn’t. instead it made him even more needy. he wouldn’t even care if you were digging into him so much you made him bleed.

anakin dipped his hands under the waistband, a needy moan eliciting from your mouth into his when his fingers swiped against your wet folds. he was touching you, the one place that you had only dreamed of him going. you always wondered what this moment would feel like, where you would be and how you would feel during it. these were better than the countless wonders and fantasies, much better.

a finger entered you and you moaned out with such intensity that anakin watched you in awe, writhing under his touch while one finger slipped in and out of you. there was no question that you desired him, his finger slick with your arousal was enough to tell him that you were really ready for this. another finger made it’s way inside with not that much resistance, making your head throw back against the sheets, eyes screwed shut.

anakin could do this for hours. watch you come undone by just his fingers. he was sure of it.

soon enough he was pulling his fingers out of you and taking an experimental lick at them, sighing in the taste. he’d definitely have to try going down on you sometime soon if you really tasted that good. you were scared to admit that you were a little nervous. he must’ve sensed it though. there was a part of you that believed that anakin knew you better than you knew yourself. he has picked up almost all of your routine, observed all your little habits and quirks for years on end. anakin knew the face you made for your emotions, and the face you were making now showed anxiety.

“hey, it’s just …” he paused for a moment to get his words together. “it’s just me. i’ll take care of you.” he pressed a kiss to your forehead, his own forehead replacing his lips afterwards so that you two were close to each other. your breathing was scattered, led on by the anxiety. 

he aligned himself and then pushed into you slowly, the painful yelp that came out of you scared him for a moment before pushing farther in. slowly but surely, he was buried to the hilt inside of you. there was a moment where he stilled inside of you, rubbing your face softly with his fingers as you tried so hard to get used to the feeling. it was an odd feeling, like something filling you up and making you whole. though the longer anakin stayed unmoving in you, the more you felt the urge to tell him to move. pain mixed with pleasure in the most exotic way.

after another second or so, you said, “you can move now. i’m okay.”

he gave you one last are you sure look and then did as you wished, pulling all the way out of you and pushing back in again. it didn’t hurt as much this time, it felt good in a way, the way that he went inside of you with ease. and the way that he was moaning. you were the tightest thing and anakin felt himself get lost in that thought.

you could feel this unknown pressure building from deep inside of you, the same pressure that you were starting to feel with his fingers only a couple minutes before. anakin grabbed your hand, holding it against his while he thrusted in deeper than he had done before. that made a whole new feeling erupt in your stomach, making you moan against his neck where your head now rested in the crevice of his neck and shoulder.

anakin was also beginning to become more vocal, not even caring if it was embarrassing to be. 

this moment was so right with anakin that it almost made you want to cry out in happiness. he was the love of your life, you’re sure of that. there was no other person in this world that could make you feel the same way that he made you feel. and now that you two were finally joining together in what each of you considered to be the sacred act of making love, it only intensified your feelings. he was filling you up, making you feel whole. anakin was your other half, your soulmate in this world.

and that love he felt for you was beginning to make you get higher and higher towards your peak. breathless moans leaving your lips every second. there were some curses and his name as well, which really threw him towards the edge even closer than before. neither of you were going to last long, which was a given considering neither of you have ever done this before.

“i’m going to-” you sputtered out but were cut off by him saying, “me too.”

one last moans of each others names were enough to make both of you hit that high point, feeling that release that you two were desperately trying to reach. pleasure and euphoria coursed through your veins, your legs shaking as his thrusts ceased all together, each of your chests pressed against each others. you both breathed heavily, relishing in the last bits of your highs before the aches in each of your muscles appeared. your legs felt almost like jelly and anakin’s arms ached from holding himself up above you for so long. it was worth it though, neither of you would regret any of it.

anakin rolled off of you and pulled on his boxers, reaching over to give you his large shirt he had been wearing. he then laid back down and helped you into the shirt, his arms wrapping around you the second you were clothed and laying with you, fingers playing with your hair.