and he's 𝑚𝑎𝑑𝑒 of 𝕘𝕠𝕝𝕕

‘ i refuse to listen to reason, i have to listen to so much already. ’

‘ if i was famous i would just knock on people’s doors and be like hello, yes, it’s me. ’

*eats a snack while looking for a better snack*

‘ taking a nap is always so risky like when will i wake up? in thirty minutes? in 2 hours? in 3 years? ’

‘ i’m wiping the slate clean, so i have somewhere to spill all the blood of everyone who has ever wronged me. ’

‘ horrified that other people have decided to leave their house tonight. ’

‘ to me, the cookie jar is the modern day treasure chest, and you don’t have to brush off  any skeletons to get to it. ’

‘ my morning routine includes 10 minutes of sitting on my bed and thinking about how tired i am.  ’

‘ grab your own butt. love yourself. ’

‘ on the moon if you don’t like something you can just throw it upwards into space. on earth if you try to do that the enemy known as gravity gets in the way. ’

‘ my stress stresses me out to the point where i’m too stressed to deal with my stress. ’  

‘ don’t worry, password. i’m insecure too. ’

‘ i should have thought about that? you know i don’t think about things. ’

‘ when you live the bart life you say ‘whoa, mama’ to the good and ‘ay, caramba’ to the bad. ’

‘ i got 99 problems but i’m gonna take a nap and ignore them all. ’ 

‘ i love the sound you make when you shut the fuck up. ’

‘ everything’s my fault when you just look at the facts and information. ’  

‘ why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone. ’    

‘ do you like bad boys? ‘cause i’m bad at everything. ’

‘ i never argue. i just explain why i’m right. ’

‘ if robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, i’d just laugh and search with them. ’  

‘ if your family members share one of those articles about how millennials can’t do anything right, consider countering by sharing the page of a below average nursing home or even just a photo of bones with the caption: sooner than you think. ’

‘ yeah, baby, i am an animal in bed. more specifically a koala. i can sleep for 22 hours a day. ’  

‘ can i sell my feelings on ebay. i don’t want them anymore. ’

‘ coffee is just baby formula for adults. ’ 

‘ i think i speak for all of us, just in general. ’  

‘ i get ignored so much my name should be terms and conditions. ’

‘ can you lose weight by running away from your feelings? ’

‘ do not beef shame me. ’

‘ later is the best time to do anything. ’

‘ trying to decide if i should spend my evening reading a book or browsing social media for two hours in stomach churning guilt while thinking about how i should read a book. ’

‘ if you cannot handle me at my worst, that is fine. i am a powerful and terrifying thing and all should live in fear. ’

‘ people pretending to be cats is fine and cool but if some sort of huge animal wanted to pretend to be people then everyone is all, ‘please leave the bank’. ’

‘ are you bad wifi ‘cause i’m feeling no connection here. ’

‘ in the mood for a hug and 69 chicken nuggets. ’

‘ some times you spend so much time getting revenge you forget about getting retribution. ’  

‘ never underestimate yourself. but also do not overestimate yourself, that’s bad too. ’

‘ you will never be a billionaire but there’s still time to see what they taste like. ’  

‘ i don’t say this to everyone but i will barn shuffle dance on your grave. ’

‘ they will never do a live action reboot of your childhood. ’

‘ i could learn a thing or two from this? thanks for the warning, i will avoid it. ’

‘ you would think that wouldn’t you, always with your thinking things. that’s what separates me from you, the thinking. ’

‘ i’m putting free wifi on my gravestone so people will come visit me. ’

‘ sea shells, or the beach’s potato chips, are free to anyone who can find them. ’  

‘ learning is the fool’s errand. ’

“where the hell are they?”

“i will see you tonight.”

“i told you this a thousand times!”

“i can’t believe you, sometimes.”

“i have been waiting here over an hour.”

“he has nothing to do with this.”

“what about the other time?”

“anybody home?”

“i changed my mind.”

“who the hell is this?”

“bitch!”

“i know i haven’t been there for you.”

“‘i just feel bad. i don’t even barely know what’s going on with you.”

“you can’t do this to yourself.”

“this was not your fault.”

“i feel it in my heart.”

“you have to trust me on this, okay?”

“i can’t eat.”

“i don’t want you to go alone.”

“you’re saying that’s not weird?”

“who would do that?”

“it was not a prank.”

“you think i’m - i’m making this up?”

“oh, come on! you’re wasting your time.”

“i heard something else.”

“just tell me where you are, honey.”

“can you show him what you showed me?”

“something is going on here!”

“maybe if i get more lamps …”

“okay, i’m sorry.”

“uh, you wanna come in?”

“we’re having electrical problems.”

“she shouldn’t be here.”

“i need you to leave.”

“okay, baby, talk to me.”

“what should i do?”

“no, you don’t understand.”

“it was almost human, but it wasn’t.”

“it had these long arms and it didn’t have a face.”

“you’re talking about grief. this is different.”

“i swear to you, i know what i saw.”

“i understand, but god - i need you to believe me. please.”

“just go home, [name].”

“i know it sounds crazy. i sound crazy! you think i don’t know that?”

“i don’t care if anyone believes me!”

“i am not gonna stop looking for him until i find him and bring him home.”

“tell me where you are.”

“i need you to hide.”

“our hands were almost touching.”

“don’t look at me like that.”

“you never cared about him. you never did!”

“i can’t believe i fell for this.”

“oh brother, i have not needed you for a long time!”

“don’t you dare.”

“what the hell is going on, [name]?”

“look, we gotta go through this again.”

“you didn’t say there was a drawing.”

“was it a good drawing?”

“you may have seen him on the news.”

“that could’ve been covered up.”

“what, you’re sorry? that is not good enough, [name]!”

“that’s not even close. that’s not even in the ballpark.”

“this is not yours to fix alone.”

“you act like you’re all alone out there in the world, but you’re not.”

“you’re not alone.”

“you’re a very brave girl. you know that, don’t you?”

“thank you.”

“listen, i am gonna be there with you the whole time.”

“if it ever gets too scary … you just let me know, okay?”

“it’s okay. it’s okay.”

“i got you. don’t be afraid. i’m right here with you.”

“you tell him i’m coming.”

“just hold on a little longer.”

“you did so good.”

“it’s in the woods behind our house.”

“are you kidding me?”

“i’m going!”

“i know who you are. i know what you’ve done.”

“you left him in that place to die!”

“now you’re asking for my help?”

“go to hell.”

“what is this?”

“honey, just breathe.”

“is that my house?”

“this way.”

“he’s not breathing. he’s not breathing!”

“i love you so much. i love you more than anything in the world.”

“please, please come back to me.”

“i need you to wake up now. i need you to breathe.”

“hi, sweetheart.”

“oh, this is just so overcooked.”

“the potatoes are runny.”

“hey, no more snooping.”