Books And Barbells

I can't stop eating. It’s like I am never full. I use food for comfort and I am just so empty. I keep trying to fill that hole with food and it just isn't working any more.

I feel hopeless. I am tired but I can't sleep. And even when I do sleep I am still so tired. Everything feels heavy. I am so scared to burden others that I am having a hard time reaching out. My therapy at school says I need to go to therapy through my insurance for a more “long term solution”. Is this a long term problem? Is being worried and feeling empty just a part of who I am now? What if I am never happy again?

I feel myself pulling away from people. Its a defense mechanism that always happens before things get bad. I figure if I am about to bottom out again, I wanna be the only one pulling myself down- its hurtful to bring others with me. 

Nothing makes me happy anymore. I still smile and laugh but its for other people. Deep down I am just sad. But i don't even know why. I feel like I want to break up with my boyfriend even though I love him because I don't want him to be with someone like this. He is so bright and happy, he should be with someone like that too.

me, in the year 2040, getting ready for a fancy dinner party, standing in front of my antique gold vanity mirror, wearing a saint laurent f/w 2039 evening gown and cartier diamond earrings, taking a sip of champagne: what did you learn at school today, honey? :-)

my future child, laying on my king-sized bed with burgundy satin sheets: not much, in history we talked about the 2016 election. do you remember any of that?