Behind The Blue Eyes

Hot damn delta gam

If you ask for his name I will not answer, cause his name is not what mattered, who he is that’s what matters. He wasn’t the tallest of them all but by far the wises, though he never showed his intelligence unless he was forced. His green eyes hide the self-loathing he had, but never let it out. He was charismatic, magnetic, and electric and everybody knew it. When he walked in every woman's head turned, everyone stood up

to talk to him. He was like this hybrid, this mix of a man who couldn't contain himself. He gave me a rush unlike no other; like my own personal type of drug and the trip was harder and better than any other I’ve experienced. One hit and I was addicted before I knew it.

         I remember everything that we shared and did. Traveling, keeping secrets, smoking blunts, nighttime mischief, all with enough time to hold each other and make love like it was the last time we ever would. We were in love. Drake told our love story in his lyrics as it changed day by day. And as the years went on, things got more difficult -- we were faced with more challenges. Some we got over some we didn’t. We hurt each other and blamed each other for distance and our lives changing. I did some things that are under no circumstance are forgivable: but so did he. I begged him to stay. Try to remember what we had at the beginning. The cruise, lunch dates, car sex, sneaking out, the forbidden love that we had. Then as the days and weeks went on and I was finally home, I realized he was actually gone. We pass in the streets with no words, go to the same spots in our cars, listen to the same music, and have the same friends. We go on as if we were never anything, just strangers with a history.

          I always got the sense that he became torn between being a good person and missing out on all of the opportunities that life could offer a man as magnificent as him, so he gave up and threw life away. In that way I understood him and didn’t blame him. I loved him and I still love him.

         I hope I never find someone I love as much as him. I don’t say that because I hope we get back together; I say that simply because the love I shared with him was too much for me, it was purely an addiction. I hope He was the love of my life because I never want to feel that kind of love again. I had it for 4 years. It changed my life and it is something that I will cherish for the rest of forever.

         I found that kind of love young and I loved every minute of being in it. That kind of pain and hurt mixed in with such passionate love was too much for me. It was too much for my heart to handle and my brain to comprehend and when he decided to leave me; I didn’t understand how the world would keep turning. But it did keep turning. That’s when I realized I don’t need that kind of love or that kind of life. It’s not that I don’t want to fall in love again. I can’t wait to fall in love again, but I hope and pray it is a very different kind of love. I want a love that makes me smile and go to bed completely content with my life, not one that keeps me up at night. This boy taught me more about love and life than he will never know.