Taking Back Trauma

"My mother taught me to ALWAYS ask for a bag and receipt, no matter how small the purchase, or you can be accused of stealing."

"As a Black woman in a predominantly white area, I make a point of approaching staff first in stores when I walk in. I ask an innocuous question in a friendly, high-pitched voice, even if I don't need anything. They seem to feel safer around me and do not follow me around when I do that first."

"As a Black woman, I usually keep my college jacket in the car. If I have to go to the emergency room, I'll receive better treatment if doctors see that I have a higher education."

"I'm from Louisiana where they still have 'sundown towns.' Avoid them at all costs, but if you have to pass through at night, MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A FULL TANK OF GAS so that you don't have to stop."

"I am a Black woman, relatively new to my mostly white neighborhood. When I take a walk for exercise, I always walk in the middle of the street, not too close to houses on either side. I wear reflective gear and avoid staring too closely at any of the houses. I often think of Ahmaud Arbery while I’m walking."

"I was taught to be an overachiever because no one expects a Black woman to be smart and well-spoken. I’m not expected to have a voice in anything, and many are shocked when I do. They are astounded when I can verbalize my thoughts and opinions in multi-syllable words. Melanin and ovaries do not cancel out intelligence and reason."

"As a Black man, my father taught me, when being pulled over by the police, to pull your insurance and registration out of the glovebox and keep it ready on your seat. That way, you do not have to reach in the glovebox when the police are at your window."

"Never EVER put your hands in your pockets while walking around a store. If you don't want to give them a reason to follow you around or call the police, your hands need to be visible at all times."

"As a Black man, never get into an elevator with a woman alone. Always wait for the next one."

"Something I know I have to be careful of in public (as a person mixed with white and Black) is remembering which parent I'm with and how to act. This is called code-switching. I have to make sure I act okay so I'm not labelled as 'ghetto' with my mom or 'white-washed' with my dad."

"No matter how cold or windy it is, my hood stays off, and my earbuds/headphones stay off my ears."

"As a Black man who loves hip-hop, I often have to censor the music that I listen to so I won't be judged as a 'thug.'"

"As a Black man, if there is a white woman in line, you stand back far enough so you cannot touch her by mistake or be accused of touching her."

"Knowing that I’ll be followed when shopping in high-end stores, I have product-related questions prepared for when they invariably ask me if I need assistance. Replying with 'No thank you, I’m just browsing' makes their suspicion jump, and suddenly, I have an unofficial entourage. I’m a college-educated Black man about to turn 40, but I still have to play these sorts of silly games. It can be very exhausting."

"As a Black woman who works a swing shift and gets off work at 11 p.m., I will not take off my badge until I get inside my garage. I need to have a layer of protection to prove I'm not up to no good in case I get pulled over."

"When meeting with executives or high-ranking officials where appropriate attire would be business casual for others, I wear full business attire. I’ve found that when I dress more formally, I receive more eye contact, head-nodding, and enthusiasm during conversations. This happens consistently."

"I work in the hospital. Any time I get a patient out of bed, and they ask me to move their purse, I make sure it remains in their sight as I move it. I also hope that it’s a room with a camera, just in case any discrepancy comes up."

"Don’t wear any jewelry/sunglasses of the brand where you are shopping in-store. As a Black woman, I’ve had an employee rip Gucci shades off my head (they were mine) and tell me not to stretch the merchandise."

"Never let your kids play with toy guns."

listening to the same song on repeat for 72 hours straight

requires absolutely no sound. complete silence only. if anyone so much as breathes…

NEED ALL THE NOISE. MUSIC AT FULL BLAST. The external volume has to be loud enough to drown out the internal volume so I can hear the one productive thought. I SAID THE EXT-

music has to be just loud enough that i can hear it, but quiet enough so i forget it’s on and i don’t get distracted by changing the song 

Sometimes self care can feel like a huge task. But taking care of yourself, even in tiny increments, can really help you feel better.

If all you can manage is washing your hair and bits in the sink?

I'm proud of you.

If all you can manage is eating a little bit here and there throughout the day?

I'm proud of you.

If all you can manage is to drink one or two glasses of water today?

I'm proud of you.

If all you can manage is a few minutes out in your yard or on your porch/balcony in the sun and fresh air?

I'm proud of you.

Your trauma was severe enough, your mental illness is severe enough, your disorder is severe enough. 

Just show up.

I used to skip class because the whole thing was so overwhelming: I had to get dressed in something clean even though I never had the energy to do laundry, walk to school, sit in class for up to three hours, plus pay attention, take notes, and participate in discussion. In reality, I was being a perfectionist, and life would have been a lot easier for me if I had Just Shown Up. By staying home because of my depression and anxiety, I wasn’t giving myself the chance to do any of that. I was such a perfectionist that being a “bad” or average student was unthinkable, so I stopped being a student at all.

so what if no one else gets how the things you define as successes are victories because you have to

so you got to work - success

you used public transport - success

you went to the supermarket instead of ordering online and didn’t just buy things you dind’t want because you got scared - MASSIVE success

sit in the sun without anything to do, feel the heat of the rays hit your skin, realize that this sunlight has travelled a very long way to reach you

walk around barefoot and try to feel as much of the ground under your feet as you can, notice every rock and blade of grass

sit quietly for a while and notice the touch of breath in your nostrils, feel how the air gets cooler as you inhale and warmer as you exhale

drive around aimlessly and blast some of your favorite songs, scream/sing along to them and feel the vibrations of your favorite lyrics as they change the air in your throat and around you, feel that the music is healing you from the inside out

stay away from alcohol or drugs for a few days, try to be as aware and present as you can in every moment, stop trying to numb or dull your senses

eat a few meals without any distractions, notice every bite and taste every flavor that covers your tongue, be grateful for it all