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@lifegetsbett3r

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me: I don't care :)
me, one second later: *starts crying*

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I don’t mind the pain. It’s the hope that kills me.
J-J. (Aaron Paul) A Long Way Down (2013)
It's called Social Anxiety...
Me: *gets on bus* omg, everyone is watching me and judging me and they're going to laugh at me when the bus starts and I'm not sitting down. Don't put your ticket in the wrong way or else everyone will judge you and laugh at you.
Me: *goes to pay for shopping* omg, what if i don't have enough money? *counts money 20 times* What if i look stupid or say the wrong thing? Am i even standing in the right spot? What if someone wants to get past and i'm in the way?
Me: *says hi to someone online* omg, they aren't replying. holy shit, why am i so annoying? What if they tell their friends how annoying i am? Why am i like this...holy shit.
Me: *meets someone new* What if they don't like me, or don't want to be around me? I shouldn't have met them. They're probably criticizing me right now. Why am i the way i am?
and she said…

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effs
Drowning.
You don’t tell people you’re not okay,“ she said, “because it’s hard watching them not know what to do. “Then you end up comforting them, even though the one who needed comforting was you.
S.Z. // Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #222 (via blossomfully)

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Being suicidal doesn't necessarily mean you're holding a gun to your head.
Sometimes, it means smoking a cigarette in the hopes that you’ll get cancer and die. Or jaywalking across the street without looking, because you don’t care if you get hit by a car. Sometimes it means having sex with a stranger, hoping you’ll get an STD and die. Or not sleeping and not eating in the hopes that the exhaustion will kill you. Or even not washing your hands in the hopes that you’ll get sick and die. Sometimes it means being cruel to the people you love or ignoring them, because if they leave you’ll have less reason to go on living. Or not setting your alarm for work, so you’ll get fired and have less of a purpose. Sometimes it means partying hard in the hopes that your liver will fail and you’ll die. Or putting yourself in dangerous and potentially painful situations, so maybe it’ll be the last straw. Being suicidal doesn’t necessarily mean trying to die. A lot of times, it means not putting any effort into living.
Stay Strong ♥