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DEAR READER
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@lieutenantbanshee
Links:
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Banshee
Headcanons

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Banshee: Hah! Look at that bro's shirt! NICE SHIRT, BRO! Haha! Freak: ...Ban, I think you hurt his feelings. Banshee: Kriff...HEY, BRO!!! SORRY ABOUT BEING A DICK!!! MY BATCH WAS A WHOLE BAG OF DICKS THAT USED TEASING AS A FORM OF AFFECTION!!! IT RUBBED OFF ON ME, BUT I HAVE TO REMEMBER I HATED THAT OSIK WHEN MY BATCH WAS DOING IT TO ME!!! I THINK YOUR STYLE IS UNIQUE AND COOL AS KRIFF!!!!! The other clone, clearly shocked and embarrassed by the public apology: I-it's ok... Banshee: WE SHOULD HANG SOMETIME!!! Freak, sighing: Let him get back to his bunk... Banshee, taking the hint: OR NOT! IT'S ALL GOOD, BRO!!!
Cody, raising a brow at the commotion: What is that? Fox, sighing: Riot... Armstrong, Captain of Riot Company: WHO STARTS THE RIOT!? Riot: WE START THE RIOT! Armstrong, pounding on his shield: WHO STARTS THE RIOT!? Banshee: WE START THE KRIFFING RIOT!!! LET'S BURN THIS KRIFFER DOWN!!! Fox: Lieutenant. Armstrong, chuckling: Sorry, Commander Fox. You know he's just very enthusiastic... Fox: He shouldn't be enthusiastic about starting a riot... Armstrong: It's just our-- Fox: I know, but maybe you should remind your lieutenant you're not actually the ones starting the riot... Armstrong: Y-yes, sir... Banshee: ...What a dick... Fox: Fresher duty. Banshee: MAN! DAD!!! Armstrong, chuckling: Well, you can't call our marshal commander a dick. Cody: They're so... Fox: Thorn calls them "spirited". Cody, laughing: That's what Alpha-17 used to call us.
NOOOOO!!! THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY NEXU IMPRESSION!!! They don't react to me like I'm speaking their language...Kriff, man...It sounds right to me...
Trooper: Those sluts-- Banshee: What sluts? Trooper: The ones at the bar there. Banshee: Oh, Commander Fox? Yeah, bro, he's easy. Trooper: What? No! The women, vod... Banshee: Oooh...You know them? Trooper: No? Banshee: Then...how do you know they're sluts? Trooper: Because of the cleavage up to their chins... Banshee, taking a deep breath: BroooOOOOO!!! THE BABES AREN'T THE SLUTS!!! IT'S US!!! They come here because WE'RE easy!!! Fox: It's good to hear one of our vode talking some sense. Rex: I heard him call you easy a second ago... Fox: Did I stutter?

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Rancor Rehabilitator: I just can't figure out why the others keep rejecting her. They won't spend more than a handful of minutes with her... Banshee, after exchanging a few grunts and growls with the rancor: I can see why... Rehabilitator: Fantastic! What is it? Banshee: She's speaking the language, but she's not saying anything... Thorn: What does that mean? Banshee: Exactly what I said, bro. Rehabilitator: ...She's...speaking the language...but...she's not...saying anything...I don't understand. Banshee: MAN! Uh...My socks are dry, don't eat my files. Rehabilitator: Pardon? Banshee: My socks are dry! Don't eat my files! Thorn: Banshee, I think you're having a medical emergency... Rehabilitator: Wait...No, he isn't. He's speaking our language, but he isn't saying anything! Banshee: Kriff yeah! He gets it! Thorn: So she sounds like she's having a stroke? Banshee: I mean, sort of? A rancor wouldn't see it as a stroke, though. They'd just see it as something wrong. If they don't know what's wrong with something as big as they are, they see it as a danger. Kind of like that dude outside of Privvy's that yells about the old gods of the sewer and insects rising up out of the freshers. Rehabilitator: I know who you mean. Why haven't they arrested that man yet? Thorn, ready to spill the tea: Ok, so what I was told-- Banshee: Can we get back to the babe here? Rehabilitator: Babe? Banshee: Yeah, bro. She's a total babe for a rancor. Rehabilitator: We need to get her socialized then! We need more of these creatures breeding in the wild. Thorn: So how do we do that? Banshee: I dunno, man...You can't just make her observe the others from a cage, because she's just gonna try to talk to them and get discouraged when they try to get away from her. She wouldn't really get holo recordings of other rancors either. They're just background noise to rancors, or the tiniest blue rancors they've ever seen. So...maybe I can talk to her in my free time? I know she's trying, so I'm not gonna just walk away from her like the other rancors. She'll learn like the little ones learn, by listening and repeating. Rehabilitator: That would be fantastic! Thorn: ...Something tells me you wouldn't tell us if there was any other way to do this... Banshee: Nope. Thorn, sighing: Sure, let me just ask Fox if I can send one of my men into a cage with a rancor every chance he gets... Banshee: If he's got a problem with it, he cAN KARKING FIGHT ME!!! Rehabilitator: ...? Thorn, proverbial cup overflowing with tea: Ok, so what happened was--
Thorn, via comms: Banshee, do you have eyes on the target? Banshee: Bro... Thorn: Do you have eyes on the target, Lieutenant? Banshee: Man... Thorn: Banshee! A roar interrupts the transmission. Thorn, suddenly: Banshee! Thorn springs into action to save his lieutenant, but he finds him safe and sound, and petting the snout of a rancor. Thorn, looking over at the body beside them: Banshee, it killed its keeper... Banshee: No, he didn't! I did! Thorn, squinting: ...You crushed a man to death? Banshee: ...Yeah? Thorn: ... Banshee: MAN! IT'S NOT FAIR! JUST BECAUSE HE KILLED SOME SHITHEAD-- Thorn: He crushed a man. Banshee: He didn't mean to...Look at him, bro...He's just a little guy. Thorn: ... Banshee: I'm serious! He's a little dude! Thorn: An adolescent? Banshee: No, just a short king. Probably kept in a tiny cage and fed scraps all his life... Thorn: ... Banshee: ... Thorn: ...Can you get our...short king to lift up that container and drop it on the body? Banshee: Why? OH! KRIFF YEAH, I CAN! YOU'RE THE KARKING BEST, THORN! Thorn: Just...make it look like an accidental death. I'll take care of the rest. Fox, an hour later: Thorn, in your report, is Short King the rancor? Thorn: Yep. Fox: ...
Banshee: UUUGH!!! Someone turn off that OSIK!!! Trooper: Ban, that's one of the greatest vocalists of our time. Banshee: Yeah the kriff right. He sounds like a karking bird. Banshee proceeds to "make fun" of the vocalist by mimicking him, making the lieutenant sound uncharacteristically like an angel for a solid minute. Thorn, walking into the barracks: What did I just hear? The other troopers point at Banshee in stunned silence. Banshee, cackling: YOU SHOULD SEE YOUR FACES!!! YOU ALL LOOK LIKE MORONS!!! Thorn: ...I don't appreciate pranks. Trooper: It really was Banshee! Banshee just continues to laugh. Thorn, shaking his head: Riot Company obviously needs something to do...
Cody, whispering into his comms: Fox! There's a rancor loose somewhere near the barracks! Rex, a bit louder: Fox, this isn't a prank! There is a rancor loose near the barracks! Cody: I think it's inside! I heard there are tunnels all over Coruscant that something big could travel through! Rex, shouting: FOX! ANSWER YOUR COMMS! Cody, in a panic: FOX! Help us find this thing before it bursts up through the ground and rips one of us in half! Thire, in Fox's office: Which one do you think pissed off Banshee? Fox, sipping his caf: We both know it was Cody.
Banshee: HEY!!! YOU BUMPED MY KRIFFING ARM!!! YOU RUINED MY ART, BRO!!! Trooper, laughing: Looks like it's a sign to get your lazy Corrie shebs back to work. Banshee: I'M RIOT, DUMBASS!!! START A KRIFFING RIOT, AND I'LL HAVE SOMETHING TO DO!!! Trooper: Kriff, you're a loud little osik, aren't you? Banshee: YOU'RE LUCKY I CAN'T GET INTO ANOTHER FIGHT OR I'LL HAVE TO CLEAN THE RIOT FRESHER FOR A WEEK!!! Trooper: Oh yeah? So you can't do anything if I shut that mouth of yours? Banshee: BRO!!! I JUST SAID I'M IN RIOT!!! Trooper: What does that have to do with what I just said? Banshee: DAAAAAAAAAAD!!!!! Trooper: Did you just yell for your...dad? Armstrong, a hulk of a clone who stands at 7 feet tall: What's going on here? Banshee, are you alright, my boy? Banshee, pouting: He's bullying me... Armstrong: Are you bullying one of my boys? Trooper, gulping: N-no! I apologize! I'm really sorry! Armstrong: Oh, good! Because I would hate to send a brother to the infirmary. Trooper: Yeah! That would b-be really unfortunate! Luckily, I'm very very sorry! Armstrong: Banshee? Banshee: ...Yeah, sure. I forgive him. Trooper, letting out a relieved sigh: Stars, thank you! Armstrong: Now, please let my boy do his art in peace. Trooper: Yeah! No problem! Banshee, grumping: I coulda taken him. Armstrong, chuckling: Of course, my boy!

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If you see me with a smashed up face, it's because Steel was bullying me, so I said something even I thought was mean, so I told him he could hit me if he wanted...
BUT I THOUGHT HE WAS MOCKING DAD!!! Steel called me a bottom--but I'm not a bottom...I just bottom sometimes, and that doesn't make me a bottom--BUT ANYWAY, I TOLD HIM THAT EVEN IF I WAS A BOTTOM, DAD SAID WHAT POSITION YOU CHOOSE IN THE BUNK DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR MASCULINITY, IT JUST SAYS HOW MUCH YOU TRUST YOUR PARTNER AND WHAT YOU LIKE!!!!!!!!!! AND STEEL DID THAT THING WHERE HE MOCKED ME SAYING, "Dad said," AND HE KNOWS I DON'T TAKE ANYTHING ANYONE SAYS ABOUT DAD LIGHTLY!!!!! SO I TOLD HIM THAT'S WHY NO ONE LIKES HIM, BECAUSE HE DOESN'T LISTEN TO WHAT DAD SAYS!!!!!
But I felt bad because...people like him, they do. I do...He's my bro, you know? And you don't bully your bros...That was the worst kinda bullying too, the kind that hurts...So, yeah, I told him he could hit me, and he usually takes me up on that offer.
Banshee: TITS!!! I LOVE TITS!!! Fox: Lieutenant! Banshee: WHAT!?!?!? I LOVE TITS AND SPARROWS, AND I GOTTA TELL CORUSCANT!!! Fox: Oh...Tell Coruscant about your love of birds more quietly... Banshee: FINE!
I’m taking a bunch of shinies for a drink tonight. This is going to be such a headache
LET'S GOOO!!! DRINKING GAMES!!!
Fox grabs a trooper's ice cream and gives it one lick before walking off. Trooper: What the kriff? Banshee: Bro, I wouldn't let that go. Trooper: What am I supposed to do about it? Banshee: I'd karking fight him, but there's a funnier option. Trooper: What's that? Banshee: Tell our commander. Fox, an hour later: So what would you like me to do about it, senator? Thorn walks over, pulls off Fox's helmet, and licks the side of his face before walking off. Senator: ... Fox: ... Banshee: PFFFFFTAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Baby, experimenting with their voice: AAAHHH! Banshee: AaaaahhhhH!!! Baby: ...aaAHHH! Banshee: aaAHhh! Baby: ...AH! Banshee: AAAAAHHH!!! Baby: AAAHHH!!! Fox: Lieutenant. Mother: Please stop...

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Banshee lets out a soul-shaking scream to scare Fox. Fox, after being startled: LIEUTENANT BANSHEE! Banshee, realizing he's going to be in trouble: SPIDER! SPIDER ON THE GROUND! Fox, looking around in a panic: Where!? Banshee, letting out another scream: There! Fox, turning around: Where!? Banshee screams once more and runs away. Fox runs in a different direction; the spider can't chase them both! Hopefully, it'll choose to eat Banshee!
Opossum: I know how to drop my pulse to zero but only for 60 seconds
Opossum: Run!
(Insert flat lining monitor noise)
Banshee: AHH-
(aka opossum demonstrating how he got his name. Also, Banshee is NOT my oc, but if you want to see more of him check out @lieutenantbanshee)