And I can’t force my ex to get sober and be present in his son’s life. And I can’t live in a constant state of worry that one day I’ll wake up and he’ll be dead, and what am I going to tell my son. And how is that going to make me feel and how does that change things?
And I can’t keep worrying about how Lukas is going to feel when the new baby comes and I never ever ever ever want him to feel like he is not as much a part of our family as the new baby. He is my heart and we love him so much and Danny is so wonderful with him and I want him to always know and feel our connection and our love.
And the horrible memories of how my last pregnancy and birth went are kind of flooding into my brain. And that’s inevitable. But my emotions are all over the place right now, and it sucks being reminded of that and irrationally worrying about something like that happening again. But I know it won’t. I’m not logically afraid of that happening again, because Danny is the polar opposite of my ex. And I’m different than what I was 3-4 years ago. We are going to be exhausted and stressed and probably fight a bit and it will be hard, but I know we will also be happy and fulfilled and excited and create the family that I’ve always wanted.
That being said, after all the anxiety I feel, and the hormones driving me absolutely crazy and making me feel awful,
I’m really really really really happy and excited about the new baby and I hope it’s a girl lol a little sister and I can’t wait to be back in MD for awhile and have my friends around me and my parents and I have been working on some personal projects and I feel closer to myself than I ever have and I’m really happy. Despite the anxiety.
baratheonpilled
romaincrisis
2087
dededos
