LISSY

tired of not recording. its been a while. the songs are already written, they just need to be voiced the way i want them to be,

i just got home from a staff party. not drunk but hella tipsy. fixin the types as ag o. except for those,, i have to dj soon, well now. to prepare. anyway.

i want to drop june 1.

its already may 10 FUCK. lock in girly.

yes you gotta job so you can make money, but dont let your dreams pass away with time. dont settle. EVER.

like no joke fully lost consciousness

im still so spooked about it

ive been pushing myself a lot but i need to remember that for the amount of things on my plate... i need even more on my ACTUAL plate. eat more. drink more water. get more sleep. i felt the burnout in my body last week / 2 weeks ago but i didnt think it would get this far

anyway new music & making money are still my top priorities

i miss being unemployed so bad LMFAOOOO

like wym i can't just spend all day every day recording this mixtape whatttttt

work has been so draining simply due to the fact that i'm required to be in an office for 8 hours, where i spend all of my mornings getting ready and my nights getting rest/ready for tomorrow. i get why people be ending it all truly.

anyway lets not talk too much about that >< i recorded LS/T today, as well as BW and M (although the last save file for that got accidentally overwritten </3).. posted some grupz snippets over the weekend :))

well.. rerecorded

just made it through my first month at my new job

just got high for the first time for the week - absolutely fried

ended up crying bc ive been so focused on doing well, fitting in, making good impressions, navigating shitty family... and my high got to a point where i literally snapped back to the version of me that sat and wrote nopoint, diary, and whatif?

i was the same lissy that recorded music videos, made her own beats, and sat in front of a mic with headphones on.

getting high really does get rid of all of my anxiety. and it makes me sad bc damn, people without anxiety feel this way way more than i do. feel motivated way more than i do. spend less time ruminating and more time in action.

i spend so much time doubting myself and running from my talents. bc what if its not good enough? how will i know unless i try? unless i put myself out there?

my success depends on how much time i spend in this mode going forward. don't give up on your dreams

The last two weeks have been pretty crazy.

I've been obsessed with watching how WHATIF? is just growing and growing each day. Like this is obviously my best single release so far!!

Every time I go to town, at least 5 people stop me or call out "WHAT IF?!" to me from across the street or from their cars. It's an amazing feeling to be recognized, and deep down I feel even more excited because nobody has a CLUE of all the bangers I have on the way...

I feel like everything's been falling into place lately. I've been in such a dark place for sooo long but I really just need to listen to WHATIF? every morning to snap out of it. Nothing matters except for what I choose to. I can create my own reality once I'm focused and consistent. I mean, look - just from me posting every day online, I've solidified myself in many playlists from listeners all over the globe. The more I post, the more I'm seen, the more people listen.

Anyway, I say all of that to say that this is the beginning of something great. I can feel the energy in my bones lifting me up into that heightened energy that fills my future. I'm burning with anticipation and just the general KNOWLEDGE that I WILL be successful... no matter what. :)

I'm really sleepy rn it's about to be midnight and I have a big day tmr. But for anyone reading this who needs a sign, this is it. You only live once. For LISSY in the future looking back at this...

told ya!!!!

lata xoxo

So, it begins here. :)

September 5th, I released my song WHATIF?

It's the first single I've released for a while that was actually a part of something bigger. This song will be the last song on my EP (which idek if it's an EP anymore bc we've just got so much fire to be included). This song means so much to me like ya'll don't even KNOW!!!! It's about living your life with no regrets and chasing your dreams. Living your life for YOURSELF. Living to YOUR fullest. Making decisions that honor yourself no matter what.

If your future ended today, what would you regret not doing? That thing that you keep pushing away because it doesn't seem feasible. Because others might judge you for it. Because of stress. Because of the projections and goals of others that were placed on your shoulders...

Every day I wake up, and what keeps me going is the idea of my music career becoming something great. To have millions and millions of people love my creative artistry, and to have my message change the world for the better. To motivate people to love and choose themselves with UNREAL confidence.

And also... something that I can live off of. I want to win awards. I want to be recognized. I want to buy a home for myself and my loved ones. I want to singlehandedly meet the goals of charities. I want to be an activist for everyone who needs support. I want to know that my wildest dreams can be real, and they will be. My future started on September 5th because from here on out, I'm NOT stopping. I'm done with being depressed. I'm doing with letting my mental get the better of me. Surely my will must be stronger than this. Like I need to get on Luffy's level where he literally won't stop until he achieves his goal.

But yeah, the next thing on my list is to finalize a date for my EP/Mixtape/Conglomerate/Amalgamate to release, and despite some very favorable job listings on my horizon, I need to still put my all into recording these songs to the best of my ability, giving them time to be mixed well, and also time to record promotional content. Like this EP is gonna be IT. It's going to change my life, mark my words.

So yeah, until then - check out my latest single WHATIF?

What if the future ended today?

living at home hasn't stopped being stressful, and moving out has moved up from a goal to an urgent necessity. i need to be stable enough to not rely or rather have to engage with any toxic people - friends nor family.

i know this "music thing" is gonna work out for Jay and I. it's in our blood. it's what we do, and we're good at it. i blame myself so much for struggling with anxiety and symptoms of depression (my mind is truly operating in a fashion that is NOT normal and i need to get diagnosed fr) .. because i could really just lock in and be the artist i wanna be. be the extroverted, charming and talented woman that i am on the inside. but in all honest truth, i'm so scared. i'm so so so scared... i keep planning and planning because i don't want to make any mistakes. i don't want people to see me trying and failing. i don't want to be judged or criticized. i literally spent the entirety of August hating myself and hating my body because of external invalidation. i keep belittling myself because really and truly i have a low self concept. who am i? what do i stand for? what is my identity? why do i just accept what people think of me as truth over my own beliefs?

i plan to include these thoughts in my ep somehow. it's gonna be 8 songs, and i have a single releasing September 5th that I'm really pushing towards rn.

what if the future ended today? if it did, i'd be mad asf that i spent all that time worrying about other people, when i know my time on earth is limited... if i die without chasing my dreams, i would have lived a wasted life. regardless of money, business and capitalism. in my old age i'd have to live with the fact that i became a victim to society. the fact that we all die has made me not care much about the trivial day to day things, but rather just accomplishing my main goal of creating... anyway let me stop yapping and go write more lyrics. :)

Actually, I just found out I can have an EP with 8 songs :) So they'll just be on there too.

I wrote two songs, one yesterday and one this morning, that I think really capture this new energy that I've stepped into. I'm learning to love myself and my creative feelings, to trust myself and my vision, and to actually and consistently take steps towards the future I want. I make it seem so hard... I make it seem so intimidating... and it's because I know I can do it and I'm lowkey scared of my potential. I feel like I'm not even ready for what I can do.

BUT... every day I just watch other people online doing it. Chasing their dreams. Loudly. Fearlessly. It's more nuanced of course but they're doing something I'm not - releasing. Showing up. Applying pressure. Wtf am I so scared of? I told myself 2025 is the year I get over that fear and RELEASE MY SHIT.

I refuse to let myself down again. Like that would be the ultimate let down...

I literally cried so hard listening to WHAT IF because I really spent so much time in a dark place mentally, and I lowkey hate that I allowed myself to even feel that way or think those things... I love myself so much and I shouldn't have to wait for others to love me too to feel validated. I shouldn't have felt so alone when I literally had myself... and like 3 really close friends.

Anyway. Just a mini post about me getting back on my feet again... bc just like 2/3 weeks ago I broke the record for how many times my mood switched and how many times I cried in a day.

Cheers to new music and a better life!

okay. so remember that EP I said I was working on? it's still there... but i haven't worked on it for quite a while now.

today is june 15! it's been a month since Jay and I have returned home to Antigua from Barbados... and let me just say it has been a crazy month. i so desperately wanted to escape the hell of university, but it feels like i went from one set of problems to another. that's to be expected though, it's life. but the problems at home will always hit harder. it's family. it's childhood trauma. it's a lot of the things that created every other problem in my life. i've been trying to face and tackle these issues so i could get back to my music.. because i so badly want to.

i showed some of the songs to my friends who, instead of suspending their preference beliefs to be a part of my creative flow and energy, decided to quickly give me critiques. i forgot how vulnerable it can be to share your own work, especially if you're breaking out of your insecurities and shyness to share it and be proud of it. tis the life of an artist. that was only one of the things that lowered my motivation.

anyway not to be dramatic or anything but life has been hitting so hard and my "fake it till you make it"-"stay positive" mentality isn't as strong as it was before. i feel like i've lost my sense of self, my confidence, and on some days my will to continue living.

i haven't been musically motivated for a while due to symptoms of depression and anxiety, and it feels like i've been stuck DEEP in a negative headspace way more than usual. i don't want to take too long, but i'm taking some time to really heal things that haunt me every single day - so i can shamelessly put my real and authentic energy out there as an artist. the REAL me.

lissy xoxo