okay. so remember that EP I said I was working on? it's still there... but i haven't worked on it for quite a while now.
today is june 15! it's been a month since Jay and I have returned home to Antigua from Barbados... and let me just say it has been a crazy month. i so desperately wanted to escape the hell of university, but it feels like i went from one set of problems to another. that's to be expected though, it's life. but the problems at home will always hit harder. it's family. it's childhood trauma. it's a lot of the things that created every other problem in my life. i've been trying to face and tackle these issues so i could get back to my music.. because i so badly want to.
i showed some of the songs to my friends who, instead of suspending their preference beliefs to be a part of my creative flow and energy, decided to quickly give me critiques. i forgot how vulnerable it can be to share your own work, especially if you're breaking out of your insecurities and shyness to share it and be proud of it. tis the life of an artist. that was only one of the things that lowered my motivation.
anyway not to be dramatic or anything but life has been hitting so hard and my "fake it till you make it"-"stay positive" mentality isn't as strong as it was before. i feel like i've lost my sense of self, my confidence, and on some days my will to continue living.
i haven't been musically motivated for a while due to symptoms of depression and anxiety, and it feels like i've been stuck DEEP in a negative headspace way more than usual. i don't want to take too long, but i'm taking some time to really heal things that haunt me every single day - so i can shamelessly put my real and authentic energy out there as an artist. the REAL me.
