Vini Vidi Vici

american recipes: buy these three cans of stuff and put them in a pan congrats you cooked

chinese recipes, as handed down from mother to child: season it with a pinch of this and some of that. you want to know the exact amount? feel it in your heart. ask the stars. yell into the void. 

English recipes: boil and salt it. Okay that’s it enjoy

Greek recipes: You followed all the right steps but this isn’t quite right. I don’t know what to tell you.

Australia recipes: chuck it on the barbie

Latinx recipes: you will never make it better than your abuela, face the facts

Armenian recipes: spend eight days laboring over the stove. the food will be flavorful with the sacrifice of your sanity. no one will appreciate it.

Canadian recipes: It either needs more bacon, more maple syrup, more gravy, or an unholy combination of the three

Polish recipes: you have to toUCH THE DOUGH, FEEL THE PIEROGI IN YOUR HEART, TOUCH IT. LICK IT. SMELL IT.

Every time I see this post, I learn more about how different countries’ cuisines AND neuroses.

Indian recipes: there are 500 cuisines and that means 500 versions of this dish that has 500 spices so gl 

ashki jewish recipes: no, no. no. more onion. 

Jamaican Recipes: you can cook it dis way, but I cook it this way, and your grandmother cooks it dis way, and ya great granny cooked it this way but we nah talk bout ha cause she ugly as foot! but ha food MEAN SUH! Anyways cook it yah way but it probably nah taste good.

Texan Recipes: Hold my beer while I add Dr Pepper to something.

Absolutely me

I just want to cuddle in our underwear and watch bobs burgers with you

oh my god

someone telling me they're proud of me is my favorite compliment

except be mentally stable and not completely fuck your everyone around you and not get people killed and not treat everyone like shit???

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