blinding lights

For a thirty second introduction video, Jude had went overboard with planning and executing it. He had an entire list of ideas written in his journal back at the dorm that had been discard for an idea that required less involvement. The introduction video was meant to be simple and he wanted to not stand out as much. He didn’t want to come off as the stereotypical film graduate that bragged about going to film school. 

After being asked to stop hiding behind a guitar, he embraced the last vocal mission of the season when it was announced. It was a final chance to prove to himself and the judges that he wanted a position on the group as much as the rest of the trainees. He had acknowledged that he could be stubborn, but he never wanted to be seen as a safe artist. 

At the beginning of the season, he had felt an overwhelming degree of excitement about the possibility of debuting, but his emotions had wavered after being asked by the staff to prove himself once more. He was one gem away from accomplishing a long-term goal, and there was still a possibility that he would be asked to train for longer. He knew that he had improved to the point that he had impressed the staff, but the feedback he received about showcasing his personality had him second-guessing himself. 

SONG | LYRIC DISTRIBUTION 

He still didn’t know where he stood amongst the other trainees. He had several positions throughout his seasons on Future Dreams, and as a member of Legacy Boys. He knew that in order to continue to want to stay on the current path he was on, he needed a goal that was reachable but challenging enough for him to avoid feeling burn-out. 

He wasn’t holding his breath for a center position but he wanted to be worthy of the main vocal position in a group. Or at best, a lead vocal position was something he could aspire to be. He wasn’t as vocally talented as the other members, but he had grown quite a lot since the first season, which was why he had been proud to receive the purple gem over any other gems.

“I’ve been great! In fact, I think this is the happiest I’ve felt in a long time. Seeing you getting this far definitely boosts my mood, too!”

Jiyeon’s relief could not be described. It appeared as if both of them were in agreement that they lucked out being able to do the recording together. She paid close attention to the previous stages and songs performed in the past two seasons to gage how to tackle each returning trainee if she happened to recieve them for a recording.

Jude’s particular talents, from her observation, leaned in the singing area. His vocal color was the sort she enjoyed listened to in slower paced songs. Rich and full. Paired with his unique accent, she always longed to get her hands on his voice someday to make a proper song with it. Perhaps in the future she could convince him to record a demo or two for her. But, her own goals were not the focus here. Focus, focus.

She chuckled at his request for a gentle approach. Of course, Jiyeon would never think of acting any differently, but knowing Jude for as long as she did prompted a slightly sarcastic response. “Hm, I’m not sure. You’re witnessing producer Jiyeon for the first time so… maybe I’ll be more strict on you.” She couldn’t maintain it for long, though, and broke into a smile. “Do you want to go ahead and get in the booth then, since you’re ready?” 

“..Would you?” He inquires with a raised brow, crossing his arms over his chest. He wouldn’t put it past her if she indeed was strict on him. He wanted to see her as producer Jiyeon rather than his bestfriend, but he didn’t want to be on the receiving end of criticisms. However, there was a mutual understanding and affection that wasn’t there with the other producers. If he wanted someone to be honest with him, he preferred for it to be her than anyone else. 

“No hard feelings, eh?” He voices out in English, mirroring her smile before heading into the booth with his personal copies of the song lyrics. As per usual, he had written his notes in the margins, underlining and circling with colored pencils that had smeared on his fingers. He places the studio headphones over his head, leaving one of the ear cups off his hear. “Which song should we start with?” 

A sense of restlessness had overcome him when the winner of the category was announced to be revealed after another performance. He had consciously avoided to cross his arms across his chest and guided his anxious energy to the rhythmic motion of his foot. Had his father been seated beside him, he would have asked him to stop several times but he couldn’t help it. He didn’t want to appear guarded or nervous, but there was a chance that LGC Boys could win. 

sitting in the audience during awards show gets tricky after a while. king realized that soon after it began, with cameras shoved into his face more often than any human being would like, waiting to capture any reaction he might give. usually he would crave the attention, of course. it’s different when his girlfriend is sitting right across from him, or when he can’t show that he dislikes certain songs too much. it’s supposed to be a fun, rewarding time for idols but as it turns out, they never get a real break from their job or their public image. it’s not just the cameramen, too. the more dangerous ones are the fans, because unlike the professionals, their lens never leave king’s face. they will make sure to get every single one of his reactions, then post it online for other fans to watch.

they know the drill. he makes sure not to look in miso’s direction ever, mostly keeping his interactions limited to the boys sitting next to him. which brings to another issue. while his relationship with jude has certainly improved, since it started way below zero, there’s still a very steep hill to climb until they reach a level of friendliness. king feels neutral towards the guy now. before, he would have been unable to hide his discomfort. now, they both seem fine sitting together. having toured for weeks might have helped in that regard. jude isn’t as bad as king made him out to be. but to say he’s ready to bond with him…

king, too, notices the camera aimed at them during hwasa’s performance. it’s not exactly a song he would have wanted to bop his head to, so instead of suddenly faking it for the camera, he plays it cool, as if he’s watching with attention. after a couple seconds, the camera pans elsewhere, and king leans to jude. “you know that song?” it’s small talk, but it’s not like they have a choice in this context. they can’t hold passionate discussions, nor would king want to have one with jude ahn. but the friendlier they seem and the more kim hyuncheol will stay off his back about his relationship with his coworkers. 

his eyebrow raises when the younger male turns to speak to him. the cameras weren’t on them and he didn’t have to fake being close with him like he had been forced to on numerous occasions. he decided to shut off the judgmental tone of his inside voice for the night, but the words uttered next had an edge to them, which had him visibly cringing. “you don’t?” he hadn’t meant to come across like he deemed his taste of music to be superior. he didn’t believe that at all, but he was surprised that king wasn’t aware of a trending song. 

“i only know the song because i tend to listen to new releases.” he states, releasing the tension from his fingers as he sits up straighter. why was king so tall? their height difference wasn’t significant, but his seat partner’s proportions made him seem like a giant beside him. “i actually think you would relate to the meaning behind the song.” he knew that people like king had their own inner struggles that he battled unnecessarily on his own. he didn’t expect for the younger male to open up to him since he was just as guarded as he was. 

2020 was ending, and he had several realizations since then. He had survived Future Dreams, successfully completed a tour with the members, and got to perform at the annual music festivals. He had begun to find the adrenaline felt after a performance addictive, and he wasn’t willing to walk away from the path he had chosen for now. LGC Boys had yet to perform, but he was looking forward to performing two songs for their first festival appearance. 

He found himself seated next to King, wondering how that could have happened. Usually, they were like poles repelling away from one another. A pertinent realization that he had was that King was no longer insufferable. The younger man had matured somewhat, and he could stomach having to spend time with him. He didn’t see himself becoming friends with him any time soon, but their interactions weren’t as forced as they had been in the previous year.

Mamamoo’s performance began with Hwasa’s single Maria, which he bobbed his head to the tempo of the music. The shift of the choreography in the post-chorus had his eyebrow raising, completely unaware that the cameras had turned to catch their shared reaction. 

He is suffering from a serious case of imposter syndrome when he shows up on set. He knew that he was far from a model, and there were other trainees more worthy of being in his position. He had shied from the modeling workshops when he was a trainee for a reason. He preferred being behind the camera, and there was a sense of awkwardness when he saw himself on the monitor. His only saving grace was the genes his parents gave him. He wasn’t cocky about his looks, but he knew that he was at the bare minimum photogenic. 

"The twist..." He trailed off, looking over the shoulders of the camera with a soft chuckle while pondering how to answer the question. He was still in disbelief of what had occurred earlier. “I didn’t expect it at all. How did I not expect a twist? I’ve watched cooking shows, but I was so focused on the dish we decided to cook and completely blanked when our country was switched. I had gathered all our ingredients, but we didn’t even touch the basket after. It makes me feel sad, but I was happy with the dishes we prepared.” 

   ( ... ) 

    there was no time for panic, no time to make herself appear as a fool for all of korea to see. no, that’s bad publicity. 

    “um.” most groups seemed as panicked as they do, some appearing to keep a cool head as they race to figure out what to do next. wheels are turning in her head, mind floating back to previous nights spent in her bed watching whatever cooking clips the internet brought to her. what’s a dish we can do?

    “simple, yeah… oh!” she announces, clasping her hands together with a genuine smile. “how about patatas bravas?“

his mind had blanked entirely after the switch had occurred, but he had truly had no excuse since had visited a few times with his family. most dishes that he could think of were too daunting to attempt to cook on a show. he didn’t want to attempt to cook seafood and fail miserably on camera for eternity. while he was a deer in headlights, miyoung becomes their savior for the second time of the night. 

“patatas bravas?” he echoes, eyes gleaming with hope. not all was lost. “roasted potatoes with a spicy tomato sauce, right? should we experiment with the sauce, or go for the classic recipe?” he didn’t want to play it safe with the dish, but a classic rendition wasn’t something to be scoffed at especially since they weren’t professional chefs, but young adults that still ate at a cafeteria. “should we fry or use the oven?” 

now they’re on their way off to film and daeyeol kind of feels like throwing up. just a little bit. he can’t tell if the nausea is starting from a place of nerves or just because he’s actually starting future dreams properly. it’s a foreign feeling that he has but he doesn’t really want to talk about it much. he worries that it might bring down the atmosphere.

but then jude asks him if he’s feeling nervous and daeyeol nods once, then twice and then slowly clings himself onto jude’s arm, wrapping his long arms around him. he looks away shyly for a second, just wanting someone to sit with him for the time being. 

“you’ve been on future dreams before hyung…” he starts omniously before looking up at jude. “do you always feel nervous? ‘cause this is my first time and i feel like i’m gonna vomit…”  

Upon seeing Daeyeol’s reaction, he regrets asking the one question that would exacerbate the emotion. It was akin to asking a person if they were okay when close to bursting into tears. He can sympathize, having been in a similar position not once but twice like his roommate points out. With a faint smile on his lips, he wrestles out of the younger boy’s grasp to embrace him properly and briefly for the sake of not falling behind from the group. 

“I have a feeling that once the music begins the nerves will disappear for you.” He tells him, knowing that his comforting words were just words for the time being. “And you can always glance in my direction if you need help. I felt nervous at the beginning but now nervousness turns into excitement while we wait for the music to start. Sometimes, mistakes happen but knowing you, I bet you will come across as charming.”