sorry not sorry

Park Haesol: A study on her personality and ways to live her life.

(OPEN EVENT 005 - PERSONALITY TESTS)

I have to start this by saying that the idea for this character came because I watched Ragnarok on Netflix and thought: "Wow, this Laurits dude is fascinating, and I won't be able to write someone that complex, but let's see what that idea might take me." 

haesol’s threads: @lgchanbyul, @lgcxmax, @lgcmilan, @cherrylgc, @lgcyuxi, @lgcminjxe, @lgcaera, @lgcnoriko

shiori’s threads: @lgcakio, @lgcyuxi, @lgchayoung, @cholgc

( . . . )

“i feel better…” she replies with a smile, “but i don’t think we should be screaming all the time, we might get in trouble.” she sighs, sitting up and pulling her legs to her chest. “i don’t remember dancing being so exhausting.” she continues, “but i bet i’m not going to remember how bad it feels when we finally debut.” noriko chews on her bottom lip, “i have no backup plans, so we have to make it.” it sounded like a playful remark, but honestly, it was the reality of things.

Haesol accepted a long time ago that most people are broken. Artists happen to be on a different level in that equation for her because she lived with two growing up and saw it first-hand. She might be entitled and have her nose stuck in the clouds most of the time, but Haesol doesn't think she's privileged to not be a part of the mess. Honestly, if this whole couple of hours with Noriko taught her anything, she was even worse than she expected, which, unfortunately, tracks.

"Who cares if we get in trouble? It's not like we'll hear anything different from them. 'You should control your emotions better' or 'you shouldn't hurt your vocal cords like that'. It's not like they are planning to use them, anyway, so I don't know why to bother," it came out way too bitter, but in the end, her words translated well what Haesol felt. Being around for as long as she has, and still have no idea of her future or if she'll even have a chance makes Haesol wonder if any of this is worth it. It is. She might be dramatic, but she also knows that the only thing keeping her signed with LGC is that she's stubborn and wants to prove her parents wrong.

nineteen candles

Unfortunately, Haesol's birthday had fallen on a weekday and despite Minseo baking her funfetti cupcakes to enjoy during lunchtime, she felt that it wasn't enough celebration for her friend's milestone birthday. She promised to take her out for brunch whenever Haesol was available and Minseo didn't break promises. She was beyond excited when the day arrived and suggested to meet up in front of her dorm rather than at the station, or outside the company building. She brought with her a medium-sized box, wrapped in forest green paper with deer outlines drawn in silver and a pretty silver bow to match and hide her horrendous attempt at taping the paper seams.

Her hand lifts to knock on the door, stopping herself midway to ring the doorbell before dropping her arm back to her side. Instead of waiting, she steps in front of the camera, placing her face far too close until she could somewhat assume that only her eyes were visible on the intercom on the other side of the door. "Honey, I'm home~" She utters in a sing-songy voice, taking a step back to wave at the camera. Had she forgotten that the camera feed was saved until it was recorded over? "Let's go have some fun!!"

Haesol is excited to celebrate her birthday whenever she has the chance because it means the day is exclusively reserved for her. With how busy her parents were with other more pressing matters, especially during the holiday season, celebrating her birthday on the actual date was never a big priority. That didn't mean she wasn't excited about leaving for brunch with Minseo. She had woken up and decided that would be the highlight of her week since that didn't only mean she would see her dear friend again, but she hoped to get a sweet little gift, too.

         cherry knows she got the habit of making herself known to people, even when not knowing them herself. though cherry tries befriending basically anyone within a five meters radius of her, it’s pretty impossible to know everyone. all of cherry’s brain capacity is used on remembering names and faces of people, that’s why she doesn’t have the space for common knowledge in her head. but even if cherry has what feels like a million friends, she hasn’t befriended everyone in the world (yet). though cherry does know haesol, it does happen often that cherry meets people who know her while she doesn’t know them.

she knows a lot of people, but not everyone, and for some reason she’s surprised when people know her. she hadn’t expected haesol to have known that she joined the company in the beginning of the year, though the blonde was easy to spot and quite loud and did have many friends in legacy already, she didn’t think people knew of her. maybe she was too modest or something, because in school too people would know her when they’d never spoken before. “i thought high school was pretty stressing too” though she did have a million jobs while in high school. “oh yeah! makes sense you wouldn’t remember me, probably got a lot of costumers and i don’t come often anymore really, but i used to visit the flower shop you work at every now and then” she smiles “though of course, you weren’t always there.

Haesol doesn't know how her brain works when it comes to memorizing people and their names. She supposes that it must be a thing she developed as a kid when she noticed that neither of her parents managed to remember the staff's names that worked for them from time to time. Truth be told, Haesol would always feel a little bad, to the point she started memorizing those simple things and would help her mom and dad whenever they let her stay close to them during parties. She might be a spoiled princess, but she's not an unmannered one.

Yuxi took an appraising look at Haesol. “Good,” she approved, “talking competitive advantages already. I like you,” she finally decided, as if her approval actually meant something. (She thought it did. Most did not. But still, better to be clear and make her standpoint clear from the get go.) She smiled wryly, “Well we’re in luck then, I’m an awful rapper.” Awful rapper being a highly generous description of her total lack of rap experience — it never was a priority for her. Same for vocals, though that lack of priority had been to a lesser extent. “Guess we’ll have to make up for each others’ weaknesses.” Either that or they end up highlighting each others’s skill disparities. She refused to consider the latter option.

“A sore loser huh,” Yuxi pondered. She grinned, “Good thing I’m one too.”

Haesol couldn't help but let out a choked and surprised laugh from the back of her throat. She's glad she has managed to be in the good graces of someone as intimidating as Yuxi. "Oh well, most people do, but I'm happy we're on that same page then. I like you, too, by the way. You give riveting vibes. I think we'll get along just fine," Haesol smiles cheekily.

it didn’t feel like it, but noriko had done all the work. every kind of it, in fact. she had done the hard work, the smart work, the slow-and-steady work, the late-night work, the up-before-everyone-else work, and all every other kind of work there is. she was consistent, and disciplined, and focused. she did all that and it paid off, she got to paris… just like what she and everyone had already anticipated. it showed. but doing all the work here, was not the case. as she laid on the floor, just a couple of feet shy of haeseol, chest rising and falling as she stared at the ceiling, she can’t help but be frustrated by it.

she turns her head to look at haeseol, pouting back at her as she spoke, “it doesn’t look good ever for me too.” she replies with a light laugh before she sighs and looks back up at the ceiling. “you always sound good, and you are a competent singer, haeseol. you have those… i wish i sound even half as good as you.” she adds, voice slowly becoming silent as her words hit her. all she had right now is dancing, and even at that she sucked. “let’s take a break, i can’t feel my legs anymore.” noriko couldn’t believe that she was saying that, taking a break at the face of incompetence. “i wonder if i’ll ever be as good as them at all.” she sighs again, covering her face with her hands as she let out a muffled scream.

"I know! That's why I'm so frustrated by this. I hate not getting things to go my way, but I have no one to blame but myself," Haesol groans and drops her head, almost smashing her forehead on the cool floor of the practice room. "You're a great dancer, though, unnie. And you're also a better performer than I am. Trust me. You're not being left behind here," Haesol is... not the best at comforting other people, sure. She has her faults. She can admit that. But surprisingly, at this very moment, she's not trying to make Noriko feel better. Haesol was stating the facts. As much as hurt for her to admit it, the fact is: they both suck as performers. 

        sometimes it’s a mystery how cherry survived on her own for so long. she’d been kicked out at eighteen, quickly and very suddenly having to learn to live on her own. for the first month she slept at friend’s places, having no contact with family, but she got around to get a job. and over the years cherry had had a lot of jobs, which quickly could make you think, how? because cherry wasn’t very talented nor smart. as a waitress she couldn’t memorize an order, or write it down quickly. working at a cafe she didn’t even know the differences between the many teas and coffees there were, and she could only be an english tutor because she’d lived in the us for majority of her life.

she didn’t have talent nor brains, but somehow cherry didn’t need those things. she made a lot of tips as a waitress, and she was often told that she was people’s favourite waitress, because even if she couldn’t memorize it, she could make them smile, laugh. they didn’t need her making all sorts of teas, she could be the one bringing it to people and making them smile. that was really how she got by, not by talents or smarts, but simply her lovely personality.

the female had had interest in working in a flower shop before, but she’d never gotten around to try that job. “yeah it is a good question, i’ve been in the company for a while, but we haven’t crossed paths here”. upon her joining of legacy she quit her jobs, so not having as much money around anymore, buying flowers were almost a luxury. “eh! trainee and got a job? i’m finding it difficult handling being a student and trainee”.

Haesol chuckles pleasedly despite making her brain try to recollect if she has ever seen Mija around and is misremembering now. She has been around for a while now, and Haesol took pride in knowing most people, trainee or not, at LGC. "Aren't you one of the trainees that arrived at the beginning of this year?" She asks after closing her eyes for a second or two. "Though, I must say. I have the impression I've seen you before out of the company's headquarters. I can't pinpoint when or where, though," Haesol says with a pout.

keep it separated. @lgcaera​

It has been nearly three years since she started living with other people, so there is a part of Haesol that wanted to believe that she would be used to sharing the common spaces with others. She's not that evolved. It's not as if she wants to cause a scene or be inconvenient. Haesol got a lot better at looking out for herself and not leaving a mess behind her. 

practicing with. @lgcnoriko

"Noriko unnie," Haesol whines as she sprawls out on the practice room floor like a starfish. She can feel her throat starting to complain since this feels like probably the hundredth time they are looking at themselves in the camera, and at this point, Haesol feels like throwing the towel. "I can't bear to look at ourselves one more time. Why doesn't it look good like ever?" She says dramatically with a hand on her forehead before turning on her stomach. She uses her hand as support for her head and pouts at Noriko.

please say yes. @lgcminjxe​

Haesol is what many would call a spoiled rich kid. She might not be rich anymore, but she hasn't changed her ways and still enjoys the feeling of being babied by people who see no problem with that. She won't be the one calling them out, and that offers them a symbiotic relationship where both parties are happy with their agreement. 

Is Minjae the same age as her? Yes. Is he a few months older than her? Also yes. But what separates them is the one year he has ahead of her from joining LGC in 2019. She doesn't know how it happened or why, but since the very beginning, their relationship was based on caring for each other. They also give the other a hard time from time to time, but it is all based on love. One shouldn't forget that. 

Yuxi followed Haesol’s gaze, her general impression of the latter rising when she confirmed that yes, Haesol was following her and yes, she knew how to act with discretion despite her. 

She shot the other an incredulous look. “You know,” she begun nonchalantly, “I had no performing experience of any sorts prior to Legacy and I’m one of, if not the best contemporary dancer they’ve got now. Everyone starts somewhere, never underestimate anyone, and treat every person who walks past those doors as, if not current, then future, opponents,” she warned. Never underestimating those around her and maintaining a sense of competition towards all, that was the best form of respect she could give to others and their capabilities. “Maybe they can pull off a an upset, nothing is set in stone until it has passed.” 

She gave some time for Haesol to mull over her words, staring at the other with her smoothie long forgotten. Dropping her voice, she added with a quirk of an eyebrow, “Now we don’t want that to happen, do we?”

There is something about Haesol that people don't get right away. She never worries if she can help it, but when something manages to get her attention enough, she'll figure out what's the best way to approach the situation. Most of the time that comes through as unending and unfounded confidence. She would change her way, but it has worked well so far.

"Oh, no. I'm well aware of that, and please, don't feel like I'm thinking lowly of them," Haesol adds, not in a tone of explaining herself, but rather, wanting to point out her views to Yuxi. "I'm just thinking that if this is a competition, I'm pointing out what can and cannot be used to our advantage." She took another sip out of her drink and shrugged. "There are things I need to admit, and one is that I'm not the best performer. I can compensate for it with singing or rapping. We might have at least a step ahead."

💬 you’re so shameless keke 💬 don’t worry, this unnie got you and knows your heart! 💬 yes, i’ll see you soon! i miss you so much!!

max can’t help but giggle at her enthusiasm, being quick to jerk back just to be sure she wouldn’t accidently hit him in her enthusiasm. he’s met his fair share of people himself but trainees like haesol were a rare breed he found. being positive was one thing, being bright another but both together was something he didn’t find many people holding onto as time ran through their fingers with no debut in sight.

however max welcomed people like her. they made him feel less foolish in remaining optimistic despite all the time he spent in practice rooms even before joining legacy.

“well..,” he stalls with a nervous chuckle, remembering all the times he went out for chimaek with his friends after long days of practice. “it’s something,” is his final answer, confirmed with a nod and a rather mischievous grin. he truly was one of the worst liars out there. how they’d ever get him to put up a persona that wasn’t his- max just hoped it would never happen.

Haesol thrives in situations like this. Not in a lunch line, or surrounded by people who are tired and hoping for their beds to rest. But when she's with people who allow her to be loud and expansive without getting reprimanded or side-eyed. That's when she feels she's in her element. Not that people judging her would stop her from doing anything, but being supported is a lot better than the opposite.

hanbyul doesn’t know how she got dragged into going to haesol’s family gathering, but frankly, she didn’t really mind. it beat sitting around and doing nothing. besides, she was good with parents. they usually loved her. she was an actress for a reason, right? just kidding. she honestly was just good with older people and learning how to turn her charm on in those situations. 

“really?” she looks to haesol curiously, wondering if she would elaborate on her answer. she had been having a good time, more or less anyway. she supposes that the other probably didn’t feel the same way. then again, this wasn’t her family so maybe there was less pressure in that sense. “of course! i’m enjoying myself. it’s a nice break from the typical stuff that we deal with,” she exclaims. “are you having a good time?”

Haesol imagines that if she had a bit more decency in her body, she would feel bad for dragging someone to a gathering like this when they could spend their free time with a better company and better places. Unfortunately for all of those who know her, Haesol is not the greatest, most selfless person in existence, and she's fully aware of it. "Of course! When I was little, I only cared to steal snacks and run around with my one-night friends." Haesol smiles at the memory of a younger and still energetic Haesol who didn't pay attention to what her parents expected of her.

flower power

         cherry doesn’t know a lot about flowers, well she doesn’t know a lot about anything really, but like with most things, though she has zero knowledge on it, it still interests her. and while cherry wasn’t the smartest, she was good at recognizing faces, really it was like all her brain was used on was recognizing people. cherry might not be able to tell the differences about two flowers with the same colour, and she might not get good grades nor understand common knowledge, but she will recognize a face she’s seen long ago in a flower shop.

“you’re haesol!” she smiles “are you a trainee at legacy?” the blonde tilts her head “does that mean you don’t work at the flower shop anymore?”. “ah!” she flips her blonde hair then bows a little “i’m mija, i’m not sure if you remember me, i’ve been at the flower shop before, the blonde hair is usually easy to remember though” she smiles. “it’s weird how small the world is, hadn’t expected to see you here… you are a trainee, right? or did you just come here to deliver flowers?”.​

Haesol didn't have to work a day in her life ever before becoming a trainee. After going against what her parents wanted for her, she started having a rigorous schedule to follow. Haesol had to start living with people she had never seen before, share the same space with strangers, and learned how to fend for herself. Out of all those things, and how much she has grown after being practically disherited by her family, Haesol has to admit that working at the flower shop is one of her favourite things. Of course, some people come to the shop with heavy feelings, but for the most part, her experience has been overwhelmingly positive.